- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
This is such a weird situation and I hope you guys can give me advice as to how to handle it… I think I know what I *should* do but I also just need to vent!
FI’s parents divorced when he (the oldest of 5) was in middle school. Eventually, his mom entered into a same-sex relationship. His Mom lived with her new partner, and so did his siblings (he was in college). Eventually his Mom told him, and he admitted they all kind of knew, and he was accepting of course and set a great example for his siblings, who also were fine with it. They all really loved the partner (we’ll call her N) and her daughter and son (who are older than FI).
Eventually, N grew more distant from the kids and more focused on work. N’s daughter moved across the country and got married. By the time I came into the picture, my Fiance would talk about how cool N used to be. I personally see a lot of stress in Future Mother-In-Law & N’s relationship. Future Mother-In-Law is very needy and N seems preoccupied elsewhere.
N’s daughter went through in-vitro and conceived twins. They found out that October would be their last month to travel, since she was high risk (due in Feb). Future Mother-In-Law planned for her shower to be the same day as our wedding shower so we could celebrate together. Fiance and I, though tight on cash, spent $100 on her registry items and another $100 on food, including a blue & pink checkerboard cake that I made and decorated with “2 peas in a pod” drawings. We spent a lot of time and money, because we care about them like family.
Her party was in the morning and were a lot of N’s friends and coworkers. Our party was at the same house in the evening. Step-SIL came up to me about 1/2 hour into our party, saying she was leaving, and that she was sorry, but no one told her about our party. I told Future Mother-In-Law that later and she said it was “BS” because N had said she told her daughter about it. Well it turns out N was fudging and thinks she forgot to tell her. How nice. We sent them all e-vites so really it is no excuse. But she’s pregnant and preoccupied right? No big deal.
Well she sends a thank you for the gifts- not mentioning anything we did to set up the party, send invites, make the food, or cake. Again, it’s fine, she’s busy and pregnant. But we receive not even a congratulations card, or a mention of that she’s sorry she didn’t know about our party. As if it never happened. No small gift card, nothing.
They had their twins two weeks ago because Pre-E set in so they had to deliver early. Of course I assume she will RSVP no to our March wedding! However instead of a reception we’re having two summer parties (one in NJ for my fam and one in IN for his) so I thought she’d of COURSE want to come out in the summer, the twins will be 6 months old, she can see her fam, etc. Well the RSVP comes back yesterday… marked NO to all. All she wrote was “The twins won’t allow us.” Now, I understand. But the SUMMER? You won’t come visit your MOM and attend a small BBQ? I find that hard to believe. No “wish we could be there!” or “congratulations!” or anything.
I hate this cold vibe I get from her. We never did anything to hurt her and were SO excited about her twins. Now I feel like she wishes her Mom N wasn’t with Future Mother-In-Law, or even knows something we don’t about N wanting to leave Future Mother-In-Law. I know she gave her mom crap about some of FI’s siblings living with Future Mother-In-Law & N.
How do I react? I feel like I should probably just not talk to her. But her Mom is going to think it’s weird if we don’t send her an invite for our IN summer reception party. Fiance said last night “I bet she doesn’t send us a gift or a congrats or anything.” I feel hurt after being genuinely excited about her good news.
What am I doing wrong?