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Maybe your BM's already understand they should help host a shower? Is there one you can talk to (MOH possibly) and express your desires to have a shower? It definitely should not be your mom planning it (etiquette wise, its not supposed to be someone related to the bride). Or maybe your FMIL can help plan it? Whoever plans it can plan a great shower for you and not have to spend alot on it. The themes are cute and fun, but even if you have a shower thats just a get together with lunch Im sure you'll have a blast.
Do people really follow that etiquette about the bride's family members not throwing showers? All the ones I've been to have been the bride's sisters hosting combined with their mom. I don't have any sisters, and this actually may be the first time in history that I've been upset about that.
I hate asking people that aren't family to spend money on me. I find it so awkward. My family is used to it :)
I was excatly in the same boat as you! It was getting closer to the wedding & there was no shower in sight. I didn't want to bring it up because a shower really isn't a big deal to me, but one day one of my BMs asked "are you going to have a shower?" and I told her that nobody was throwing one for me and she asked "who is supposed to throw it" and thats when I told her that often the BMs do. SO it may be a situation where your BMs don't know (for example, I didn't know before I joined WB.) Or, it could be a situation that they can't afford it. Being a BM really adds up and when you add the cost of a shower on there it can get costly.
My BM ended up organizing & throwing me a cute little shower & I was so grateful, and my mom helped too, she just wasn't the techincal "host."
It's a tricky situtaion, beacause, like you I wasn't going to bring it up & wouldn't of had a shower if my BM would of never brought it up.
I know (re: costs of being a BM) which is why I hate to ask them and probably won't end up bringing it up at all. I don't have any sisters or aunts or anything like that. We've got a very small family. I mean, I guess it's ultimately not that important to me. I don't know why I even started thinking about it today honestly. I do kind of fear that my mom will get attitude with my BMs if they don't do it, which would be totally wrong and obnoxious of her to do. Never stopped her before, though.
I dont know if people really follow it, my shower was thrown by MIL's friends. Id talk to one or a few BM's and see what they think about it.
When my MOH got married and we were all young poor, bridesmaids, her MOH's mother really helped us out by providing the space, food, decorations, etc for the shower. Soo nice of her. We each contributed something like cupcakes or veggies and dip. Talk to them about it, if you feel comfortable. I'm not having a shower either, due to family and friends being all around the country and you are right, sometimes I feel like I will be missing out on a fun wedding activity.
In some customs the mother of the bride will throw a shower (I know this is popular with Italians) but in most Western traditions, it is seen as "gift grabbing" for an immediate family member to throw the shower. Usually the MOH or extended family (such as Aunts) throw a shower. My aunt is throwing mine!
Your friends dont' have to spend a ton of money and have a fancy themed one to have a nice shower. Honestly, I just went to a fantastic shower this year; everyone went around and said a favourite memory of the bride and what they wish for the couple (lots of crying and nice things)! Then we ate some dip/chips/fruit/veggies and little sandwiches and cake and opened presents. And it was like 15-20 people.
The MOH and BM's always host the shower,but are almost always helped by the Mothers. You shouldn't have to ASK anyone for anything.....they should already know this as part of being a bridesmaid. Whether they're young and have no money or not, it's just something that is a part of being a member of a bridal party. If you've got 6 of them,costs are split 6 ways plus the Mothers will usually also contribute.
In my case,both of my daughters have just 2 attendents, sooo....I paid for most of one of their showers and will split the cost of the other with the groom's Mother. The BM's will contribute as well as buy one of the larger gifts together.
How do you know they aren't planning anything? The surprise showers are always the best!
kittyachi - hopefully you'll feel better knowing you're not alone. i'm the first of my friends to get married, so no one knows exactly what to do or what undertakings are involved, and all my bridesmaids live in different places so its difficult for them to coordinate anything.
Other people can throw you showers besides your bridesmaids. I have some friends that want to throw me one and they aren't even in the wedding, and of course my mom wanted to also, so there are still opportunities!
I thought I was going to get one but plans fell through and now I'm not. I kinda wanted one. Oh well. :(
*hugs* My friends probably won't be throwing me one and that makes me a little bit sad. They're so far away and while my Mom's friend will throw like, 3, and my friends here will throw me on, it's not the same.
I probably won't be having a shower, though one of my BMs brought it up yesterday because we're going to a baby shower together today. I have a dude of honor and he probably doesn't even know it could possibly be his responsibility. Plus, he's a little busy having a baby (hence the baby shower) and buying a house. I wouldn't mind a couples shower if it was really just an excuse to eat yummy food and drink.
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I never thought I wanted one but I've seen some of the amazing showers the Bees have been thrown with such cute little themes and stuff and now I want one! The problem is my mother threw us an engagement party, which to be honest I didn't really want, and which (typically) she went way overboard on. So now she's all like I'm not doing anything for the shower. You have 6 BMs. Yeah, OK, I have 6 youngish BMs none of whom make much $$, 3 of whom live nowhere near us, and they are already doing the bachelorette. So now I'm sad because I don't think I'm going to have a shower - not because of the gift-getting, but just because it seems like fun. And then I hear all this stuff about how people have like 3 or 4 showers that different people throw them and it just pisses me off. I feel like it's too much to ask my BMs to do the shower and the bachelorette party and I don't understand why traditionally both of those things fall on them. Seems like BS to me since most of the time the adults have more money.