Post # 1
Hello fellow bees,
Ok I don’t know what to do I feel like my whole engagement and everything has gone down wrong. What I mean by that is I got engaged to my FI last year around August I am not even sure when he asked me because of the way he did it. We were fighting that night and we were about to break up, so he ends up asking me if he were to ask me to marry him would I wear the ring that he got for his ex until he got me one. I said that would be ok I guess so he went ahead and asked me. The thing is he never gave me that ring and he waited until Febuary of the following year to get me a ring after he and I got in numorus fights about it and not only that he waits to actually buy the ring the same night after we have been fighting about it. So when he come home from buying it I tell him flat out I don’t want a ring anymore I am done arguing about it that the whole thing has gone down wrong and he can’t fix it so he ends up making it worse by getting upset and giving me the ring while I was sitting on our couch in our apartment ranting at him about getting the ring after all this time and on top of it getting the ring after us arguing. Making me feel like I had to force him. So the conclusion was I accepted the ring and have not brought it up anymore because I am sick of fighting about it and him getting upset and crying saying that he can’t fix the mistake that he know he made. So please someone tell me what to do because I am very hurt over this.
Post # 3
@beachgurl1237: OMG this is a weird story =/ I can’t understand his behaviour BUT I can understand you feel really hurt cause of him. I think (it’s just my opinion) that he “proposed” to you just cause you were about to break up. Yeah it’s a bit stupid but some men do that. Anyway, what does he tell you when you try to talk about it? Is it a REAL engagement to him or just a story about “giving you a ring and that’s it”? Does he go mad as soon as you try to talk about the engagement?
Post # 4
Are you upset that you don’t have a “good” proposal story? Men don’t always realized the importance of the “proposal story” and that everyone ask how it happened. Should you break up with him over it, no. I’m not certain though that you should cancel for other reasons, such as is this the man you really want to marry and spend your life with. Did he go out and buy the ring for you in Feb because you were pressuring him or did he do it on his own? Even if it was pressure some guys need it, all though in the end its not good to force it, we do want things to happen naturally.
Post # 5
It sounds like he proposed to you when you were fighting just to “shut you up” for lack of better wording…first, suggesting that you wear his ex’s ring until he can get you one? Lame. The ring is not be the important part of being engaged and so many women tend to focus on that. I would have thrown the ring back in his face, but that’s just me.
I would have a serious conversation about this because honestly this doesn’t sound like a very happy engagement, and if it were me, I wouldn’t be too excited to announce it given all that you guys have argued since then. Talk to him and make sure that you guys want to be engaged and enroll in pre-marital counseling, whether your church (if you have one) requires it or not. It is a great way to deal with some issues that you may have. DH and I did it because we had to and weren’t very serious at first, but we found that we opened up about a ton of things with someone there that didn’t choose sides. It was actually fun.
Post # 6
He doesn’t get mad when I talk to him about it he ends up crying on me saying he is sorry and he knows he can’t fix it and he knows he f***ed up. And he said the reason he asked me to marry him that night was because when we were arguing and then we got to were we were trying to work through things he saw then that we would be able to make through anything together and thats pretty much how it has been but it’s just this one thing eats at me still even though there is nothing to be done and yes it hurts because there is no story behind it. I see all these other people who are engaged and they love telling about how their FI proposed to them and I can’t tell anybody. I hate that part. And I don’t know if he bought the ring because we were fighting about it and he felt pressured. When I ask him is that the reason he always says no he was planning on getting me one in the first place, but when he says that the first thing that pops into my mind is “Well if you were planning on getting it in the first place why would you wait until we are in an argument about it to go out and buy it the same night.
Post # 7
i understand why you’re feeling hurt. sometimes guys are just clueless. The guy just has bad timing…sounds to me like he really is sorry for messing the proposal up. My 2cents, tell him how you feel about not having a story behind it. I mean theres no rule that says he can’t ask you to marry him a second time round (and this time surprise you and spoil you rotten), just to make up for the lousy first time. I was in a similar situation. I eventually asked my fiance about whether he got me the ring because i pressured him and this was his words: “if i didn’t want to get you that ring, i wouldn’t have”. talk it out. share how you feel and try not to argue about it even though he is the one thats at fault and deserves getting his head bitten off…isn’t that what marriage is about, talking it out?
Sending you a great big internet hug!
Post # 8
If you love him, let it go. I think focusing on it will eat you away. You have to make peace that it doesn’t really matter in the long run how he proposed. I think what you should focus on is that he loves you and wants to make that commitment to you. I am laid back on a lot of things, and tend to focus on the postive things instead of the negative–so that might be easier said.