Don't know what to do

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What exactly do you want advice on? We need more information…

Post # 4
Member
6204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Good luck! I hope the conversation goes how you want and he had the same feelings. Please let us know how it goes afterward

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sounds like this is someone you need to go no-contact with. I don’t see how this benefits you. There is someone else out there for you. I’m assuming this is a romantic interest.

Post # 9
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Relat:  Worst case scenario, he’s not invested in this, and you will have to move on. With that in mind, can’t you simply be direct and ask him how he feels with no beating round the bush? If he’s put on the spot, I don’t see how he can avoid answering. It’s always easier said than done, but at the very least, you will have some sort of closure.

ETA: I get leaving the relationship up to him, but that’s obviously not working for you. I don’t see how you can sustain a friendship with this person without causing a lot of hurt for yourself.

 

Post # 10
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Relat:  Sounds like a Friends with Benefits things. He cares about you as a friend and enjoys the sex, but isnt going to have a long distance relationship with you. If he wanted to be with you, distance or not, he would let you know–he would not take the chance that someone else would swoop in and date you.

He wanted to be on vaction with you because he wants to have sex. And it’s easier to bring you along than trying to pick up a girl while he’s there.

If you arent happy with this situation, cut your loses and end this friendship ASAP. There is very little chnce that you FWB situation will become a real relationship, especially since you are long distance.

Post # 13
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Relat:  I hate to say it, but if you don’t hear from him for a week at a time, he just isn’t super interested. I mean, it sounds like he’s sort of interested, since you do hear from him sometimes, but a guy who is crazy about you wouldn’t be able to go that long without contact. No matter how busy he might be – if he were thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him, you would hear from him. I wouldn’t invest too much of your heart into this one person who is only showing mild interest. I hope you are dating or are open to dating other guys!

Post # 14
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant

I dated a person like this too.  He planned a romantic vacation to a cabin with me, and then a few days before the vacation I asked about it, and he had totally forgot!  He said he had to work and cancelled everything.  It obviously didn’t mean anything to him.  I think in the beginning he was just excited about getting some sex out of it, then that excitement just faded.

But this is seriously not going to work out.  I know it’s old-fashioned, but I think that you should never have to chase after a man.  If you feel like he doesn’t really care, he most likely doesnt. 

Don’t wait until April, just drop the relationship now.  Why waste so much time?  I know it’s hard but you could get out there and meet a wonderful marriage-minded guy in a month once you get over this one. 

Post # 16
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @Relat:  (( HUGS )) to you… aaaah don’t you just hate it when you like a guy, and you just can’t figure out WHERE they stand ?

I certainly did when I was single…

Here is my best advice.

Go out and get yourself the following books cause they’ll help you to better understand how men think…

Then you can determine IF

(a) He is interested just being shy / coy

(b) He is somewhat interested… but holding you on the back burner

(c) He is “Sport Fishing” and playing “Catch & Release” with you… over and over, and over again.

Read the books… and if you see any of the negative tendencies in the books in the guy then you know.

There books are all written by men, who got sick of watching SMART Women that they had as Friends or Relatives wasting time on men who just weren’t worth it.  Men who were “playing games” with the feelings of GREAT Women.

First & foremost, Greg Behrendt’s Sex & The City Fame = He’s Just Not That Into You

If you see your guy in the pages of this short easy to read… plain truth book.  RUN !!

Second… Steve Harvey’s = Act Like A Lady – Think Like A Man

This book will help you determine if he’s a guy who has you on the Back Burner… or is worse yet “Sport Fishing” with you

Men can be d!cks.  They will sometimes play with a Woman’s emotions on purpose.  Sometimes to get us into bed… sometimes just because they haven’t got a clue who they themselves are.

And sometimes they don’t really mean to… but because they hate it when a girl cries or makes a scene… they’ll just do anything to avoid that, which means we end up being strung along when a relationship is dead in the water.

If you determine after reading the above 2 books, that this guy is just NOT INTO YOU.

Then I suggest you go out and BUY (the other two you can borrow from the library if you like) one of the best books ever written by Dr Phil = Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got

Dr Phil puts it all out there for women… how men think about relationships.  How to tell the Winners from the Losers… and how to do it upfront / early, so you can STOP wasting time on the wrong kinds of guys

He also has some great Quizes in the book (which is WHY you need to BUY this book) so you can answer a bunch of Questions and figure out what it is YOU WANT out of YOUR LIFE, and YOUR RELATIONSHIP

When you finish the Quiz you’ll have a very clear idea of the Man you are looking for… which will help you develop a Plan on how to find him, attract him, and as Dr Phil says (Tag Him & Bag Him… and bring him on home for good… lol)

The book also has info on how to tackle On Line Dating… as well as TIPS for First Date(s).  How to have a good time on these awkward encounters… but also get to know a lot about the guy without looking like you are an Interrogator.

Honest, my copy of this book is dog-eared, and full of notes… and after I read this book I made A LIST of what I wanted in a future partner… and then I consulted that list regularly (and the Questions / Quizes) and I STOPPED WASTING time on men who just weren’t right for me.

As Dr Phil says within no time you’ll be fishing in the right pond… and attracting the right sort of men to you (Steve Harvey & Greg Behrendt say this in their books too… cause you’ll have STANDARDS men will be intrigued and want to make YOUR LIST… they’ll step up their game).

Certainly worked for me after my Divorce.  Once I got thru reading these Books… Mr TTR came into my life in a very short period of time.  And I CANNOT BELIEVE how lucky I am… what a difference it is to be dating / married to a man that truly is HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE with you.  I am truly blessed !!

You will STOP sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring… you’ll be out there living your life, and IF a guy wants to be with you he will make the effort.

A man in love is an amazing creature to behold … they truly will move heaven & earth to make it happen.

Hope this helps,

 

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