Post # 1
I am a poster on this board with a very searchable name. I don’t want this coming back to me but I need advice.
My fiance just left for work. I grabbed the laptop and got on facebook. I didn’t realize that he was on the laptop after me. I got on facebook. I didn’t realize he was still logged in. Stupid me, I didn’t look to see if it was me or him logged in. I went into the messages to find a convo between me and a friend. I noticed a message stream thing with him and some girl where the last message was her calling him babe. I know I should have left it alone but I clicked.
In the convo he told her she was still beautiful and calling her babe. He doesn’t even call me babe any more. I don’t know what to do. I’m hurt. I’m thinking about confronting him with it tonight. But I don’t know if that is the right thing. Please help.
Post # 3
Confront him- you stumbled on it mostly by accident. Can you imagine keeping that in forever? You need to know.
Im sorry about the situation 🙁 good luck.
Post # 4
I agree – you need to be honest with him about how you stumbled upon it, and he needs to be honest with you about what is going on. Definitely a huge RED FLAG!
Post # 5
i agree with the other posters. with a shared computer you weren’t doing anything wrong, you found it by accident, and you need to find out what’s going on
Post # 6
@dunnowhat2do: I’ve done the same thing, and my FI KNOWS I use his browser (chrome) for Facebook and stuff. He’s also left it up.
In your situation, I’d confront him and, in the meantime, examine your relationship. You said he doesn’t call you “babe” anymore, but is calling her that. MAJOR RED FLAG.
Good luck and sorry you’re having to go through this.
Post # 7
First, it doesn’t matter how you happened upon the massage, but you did. I think we tend to automatically assume the worst in situations like these. So take a deep breath and try to relax. There may be a very good reason for the message, and there may be a bad one. You know nothing until you ask him. I would suggest you be calm when you ask him. Being accusatory right off the bat will make him defensive and the conversation could go down hill from there.
I would tell him that you accidentally came across a message between him and another woman on his facebook. Ask him why they are talking to eachother in that way and tell him you are uncomfortable with it. You’ll have to see his reactions to this in order to know where to take the conversation from there.
Good luck! I hope everything turns out ok!
Post # 8
That is major to me. I know this girl, who is fairly close to me, and actually she went onto her facebook before me once, and when I did the same thing as you, I found a few convos between her and perfectly happy married men, flirting, saying how beautiful she was. Alot of people are not faithful out there. Not saying this is the case, but it sure seems fishy to me.
Post # 9
Oh hun I’m so sorry, I’m sure that you’re just sick over it 🙁 You discovered it, and you need to talk to him about it. I hope it’s nothing, and words are just words, but still….it’ll eat away at you until you know what’s going on. (((hugs)))
Post # 10
I mentioned this to my FI and he said “definitely call his ass out on it.” So there’s the male perspective. I don’t think you did anything wrong – that sort of thing (accidentally cruising around on my FI’s facebook account instead of mine) happens to me all the time when we are sharing a computer.
Hugs. Maybe it isn’t as bad as it might seem.
Post # 11
Thank you everyone. I think what bothers me the most is we have been together for almost 4 years. We have a daughter. I know who the woman is. I’ve never met her face to face but she is a friend of a very close friend. My fiancee and her used to work a few stores away from each other. There is no possibly way she doesn’t know that he is engaged.
I am going to pull up the message tonight and put it in front of him and just ask him what’s going on.
Post # 12
Ugh this just makes me feel sick for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please come back and update us!
Post # 13
I am so sorry this happened to you. I would def confront him. You’re a better woman than me, I’d been on that phone in seconds flat asking wtf was going on.
Lots of good info in this thread with a similar issue:
Post # 14
Definitely confront him about this. It doesn’t matter how you found out, all that matters is you found out. I hate when someone stumbles upon info like this and the guility party tries to turn it around and make the first person look like the bad guy. i’m not saying this is going to happen to you, but it seems that you might be afraid of him saying you were “spying”
also, i cannot tell you how many times FI has posted random stuff as my status update thinking it was his own facebook. It confuses my friends and family all the time lol.
Post # 15
Ugh I’m so sorry!!! Keep us posted and we are here for you!
Post # 16
I guess just be straight out with it, when he gets back. ((((Hugs)))).