(Closed) Don't know what to do about bridesmaid :-/ Was this message inappropriate?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think your message was perfect–not rude at all!!! 

Post # 4
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Not rude at all. I can tell you are worried. I would be too! Its unfortunate her phone is disconnected. Do you know anybody that is close to her? Like a family member?

Post # 5
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Perfectly said, I hope she reaches out to you with an answer, either way be a GREAT friend and reach out to her she is going through alot. Good luck to the both of you.

Post # 7
9216 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I don’t think that’s rude at all.  I wouldn’t take her lack of answer as anything personal…  Sorry about your friend, sounds like she’s going through a rough time :/  I also wonder, do you know her family?  Can you talk to them about getting her some help?

ps – I can see your paragraphs fine.  I think there’s a WB glitch lately where your posts appear in one block of text to you, but not to anyone else.

Post # 8
1994 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Not rude at all.  Rather, it was very considerate.

Post # 9
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I also think that message was perfect. Unfortunately, I’d prepare to cut her from the bridal party. It sounds like she has way too much going on in her life to deal with it. I hope she’s okay and gets help for her seizures!

If she doesn’t respond in another couple of days, you should send her a message saying that she has X days to respond, to try on/buy the dress, whatever, or you will take it to mean she no longer wishes to be a bridesmaid.

Post # 10
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t think that it was rude at all! I can see from your message (and post) that you are concerned as any good friend should be. I know that her number is disconnected, but maybe when/if you get a hold of her maybe ask her to coffee? I know it’s a bit of a drive for you, but it might be a good idea to get together and really just sit and talk. That might be just what she needs. 

As for being able to get a hold of her in the first place, do you have any mutual friends? Know any family members? I’ve resorted to going to a person’s FB page before and messaging a friend that I’d never met before (one of hers) and asking for her current contact information. 

Post # 11
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think it was rude, but I do think you should have just stopped mentioning wedding stuff to her.  Just because she can’t do the pre-wedding stuff doesn’t mean that she can’t stand next to you on your wedding day!  You don’t need her approval to order a dress, just her measurements and a credit card.  Here’s another suggestion – call her and leave her voicemails.  I think your friend really needs a friend right now and as you’ve already recognized, it must be really difficult for her to be in your wedding when her marriage has been completely ruined and it seems like a lot is going on for her right now.  I think you should try to call her and tell her over the phone that you just wanted her to not feel obligated to be in your wedding, but you really want her to be in it and that all you need is for her to order a dress and show up to your wedding day or something along those lines.  Sorry you have to deal with this!

Post # 12
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think it was rude at all. Sometimes people are just waiting for an out. I’ve had a pretty long engagement almost 17 months, and one of my bridesmaids has had two miscarriages during that time and is currently five months pregnant. When she told me she was pregnant she asked if I still wanted her to be in the wedding and was willing to bow out if need be. Of course I still wanted her to be up there, big round belly or not. But she was afraid I would be upset that she couldnt go out partying at the bachlorette party and that she might not make it to the last dance at the wedding when shes seven months pregnant. It sounds like your friend is going through a lot, she might be embarrassed by how quickly her marriage went south, or how off track her life seems to be. Maybe she thinks that you’ll be embarrassed by her. 



If I were you, I’d give her space. You’re doing the right thing by messaging her just to let her know you still support her and you still want her to be involved if she wants to be. It may just take time. 

Post # 14
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@hollyberry4:  She’s being very rude for not just giving you an answer and not responding to you.  I would make a decision – either you do everything without her and you just hope she shows up in the right dress at the right time for your wedding and you don’t talk to her about it, ask her about it, etc… or you kick her out and tell her that you thought it was best and hope it doesn’t ruin the relationship more than she’s already ruined it.  :/

Post # 15
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@hollyberry4:  since you say you know her mom, can you call her mom simply to get her new phone number?

I’m sorry she’s being like this, it’s really hard to figure things out when someone won’t respond to you =/

Post # 16
652 posts
Busy bee

@hollyberry4:  not rude at all, the only rude one is your friend Suzy. Give yourself a timeline, if she doesn’t response, then you have to do what have to do. 

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