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I think this calls for two MOHs. It doesn't sound like either of them is 100% perfect for the role, and you'll be hurting whichever one you don't ask. So just honestly tell them that they both matter to you so much that you couldn't possibly choose.
You have a long time to make your decision. I suggest waiting at least until you are a year away to see who is actually around at that time.
@GirlWithARing- I have thought about that. Do you think it works out when people do that? What do I do with two MOH's? Split up different tasks??
@Noritake22- I know I have a while to figure this out... I'm still in the waiting stage. Won't be engaged for probably a few months or so. I am positive that both of these girls will still be around then. We've been through hard times on both sides and it always works out. I don't doubt they'll be here... or that my decision will get any easier :(
Have them both! Who says you can only have one? They both seem very important to you... just share their duties :)
I definitely think you should go with both - split up the tasks based on who is good at what/what they would like to do, and have them work together on other things
@B Tamara- I'm glad that you guys think it'll be okay to have two. What if I only have two attendants, is it still okay to have them both as maid of honor, with no bridesmaids behind them?
I absolutely vote that you wait to make this decision. My fiance and I have a long engagement too, and we asked our bridal party very early. For me, it has been fine, but since he asked his groomsmen, we have had a huge falling out with one of them and are no longer talking to him at all. We never in a million years would have thought that it would happen - it was a total shock. It was extremely painful for both me and my fiance, and we both wish that would would have waited a little longer to ask everyone.
@Amanda- I guess things could change, even though I don't think they will.
I won't be asking them anytime soon, just kind of wanted some input as this decision has been driving me nuts (even though it's far out).
Another question... sort of related but different from my initial question. How far out should one ask their attendants to be a part of the wedding?
I am having two. I am calling them both Lady of Honor. That is what I think you should do too, since you are confident that they will both be around then :-)
I asked mine right away, so about the same timeframe as you are now because I know they will be around forever.
I was a co-MOH for my college roommate's wedding. Her other MOH was her best friend from high school. Neither of us would have been offended to be a bridesmaid instead of an MOH, but I think the bride just felt better about not "ranking" us, since there were no other bridesmaids. At any rate, it worked out perfectly--we co-hosted the bridal shower and worked together on everything else. I agree with Noritake that you still have plenty of time to decide, but I think co-MOHs would work just fine if you don't want to have to choose.
I asked within the month & had another 17 months to go. At first I had a slight falling out with my MOH, but that got back on track after our moods were back to normal. I'm not having some problems with another BM/FSIL who's due 2 weeks before the wedding. She's not making time to go look at dresses and everything. Sometimes, no matter how long you wait, things still happen. I would definitely wait until about a year, between there & 9 months perhaps. However long you think they'll need to get money saved and be prepared.
Thanks for all the advice ladies! I'm glad that there are others out there who have had or been part of a two MOH bridal party!
Regarding when to ask, I think everyone recommends waiting, but most girls go ahead and do it right away. It's funny actually how many people I have seen say, "Well, I asked mine right away, but you should really wait for a while." At the risk of being hypocritical, I asked right away but think in general brides should wait. Everyone's relationships change; you might know that these girls will be still in your life, but who knows what else might happen. They might get new jobs, relationships, or families that make it hard for them to dedicate time to being MOH. They might not be excited about your engagement or the wedding, which could change your mind about asking them, etc.
I think it's still fine to think about all this now, just bear in mind that things might change. We had a little drama both with the guys and girls in our wedding party because of asking too early. I would have waited if I could do it over - I knew nothing about weddings, so no one had told me to wait to ask everyone, which is why I made that mistake.
For the logistics of having co-MOHs, I think they can plan bachelorette and shower together (or each host one of those). They can both help you get ready, they can both make toasts if they want, and you just have to be fair with all the little things - ask one to hold your bouquet and the other to hold your ring, for example.
@Girlwitharing- You opened my eyes to a few things. I appreciate that! Thanks for being honest to say that you didn't wait but think it's a better plan. I"m such a impatient person but I"m going to try REALLY hard to wait a while before asking someone (I mean after engagement of course). You also made a good point about the girls. It's true that while even if they are still in my life it might be in a different way or they may have different life circumstances that make them unable to contribute to MOH duties.
Sometimes, ok A LOT of the time, I have a hard time thinking outside of the box like this. I appreciate it!
HAHA- Side note. I'm watching The Bachelor wedding with Jason and Molly right now. Jason has Co-Best Man!!
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I need help. I can't decide who to choose as my maid of honor. We are not sure yet how big the bridal party will be. We'll most likely have two or four attendants on each side.
I have two best friends. I have completely different relationships with each of them.
The first one, we'll call her Best Friend S. She has been my best friend since second grade. We were both part of the cool crown and randomly got kicked out. We licked our wounds together ;)
We have gone through A MILLION things together in life. We were pretty must inseperable from 2nd grade through middle school. We were at each other's house all weekend every weekend. I traveled with her family, as she was an only child, on numerous occasions usually at least once a year. Her parents are my second parents. Her house, is my house. We ran in different crowds in highschool but were still close. Then in college we went to different schools for the first year, and the same school the last three years. All this being said... she is NOT the friend I call on a daily basis when something funny happens or something sad happens and I need someone to talk to. I do call her when I have big issues, but not on a daily basis. She isn't always the best to get in touch with me, sometimes she forgets to call back, sometimes she gets too overwhelmed with work... there have been times where I feel like I'm constantly calling her to no avail, and she never returns the favor. (I haven't been feeling this way lately. She and I are sort of the in the same stage of life right now... we are both most likely to be engaged this year and planning our weddings near the same time.)
Now on to Best Friend N. Best Friend N and I have been best friends since freshmen year of college. We lived across from each other in the dorms that year and had a few classes together. We initially clicked because we happened to be the only "sexual" girls on our floor... or at least the only ones that would admit it. She is the one that I call and text on a pretty much every day basis. If something funny happens, or something random, I call Best Friend N. If I'm having a bad day, I call Best Friend N.
Sooo.... back long long ago Best Friend S and I made a pact that we'd be each other's maid of honor. Best Friend N knows this. She doesn't think Best Friend S should be my Maid of Honor. I know it's not her decision but I"m torn. They are both my best friend, in such different ways. I want to make sure that whoever I choose can really be there for me. In once sense I think Best Friend N would be better in the role because she's more attentive in every day life and she won't be planning her own wedding, however she gets kind of bitter about me being married soon... as she's not in a relationship of her own. She has a history of not being able to be happy for someoen else when she isn't happy herself. On the otherhand Best Friend S will be planning her wedding and therefore may understand more what I'm going through.
If I choose Best Friend S I'll hurt Best Friend N. If I choose Best Friend N I'll hurt Best Friend S.
What's a girl to do ?