Post # 1
I’ve been engaged since Nov. 2009, so I’ve had my ring for quite a while. I feel like my fiance took the cheap way out of getting my ring. I tried bringing this up with him nicely, but it didn’t go so well.
The ring he gave me is one of his grandmother’s many rings that his grandfather gave to her for some random anniversary. My fiance got it (a bridal SET) from her for $200. I was at a family function with him when he bought it from her, and he never gave me time to think about it. He asked me “do you like it?” and I said, “It’s nice.” I didn’t want to tell him right after he bought it from her that I didn’t like it since that would have been awkward to give it back to his grandma and I didn’t want to come off as being unappreciative. Although his Grandma gave him a break on the price, it’s actually worth around $800.
Why do I feel like my fiance could have done so much better? Originally, I wanted a princess cut stone, but after trying one on in a jewelry store with him I agreed that I didn’t suit me. The stone he got me is marquis cut. The center stone is pretty small and it has 5 smaller diamonds to each side of it. The center stone I believe is 1/6 CT, engagement ring total is 1/3 CT, and with the wedding band the grand total is 1/2 CT. I feel like the clarity is really bad too.
I brought up the size of the stones in my fiance and I’s discussion and he said if I had a larger center stone that it would look wierd on my small hands. So riddle me this – why did my cousin propose to his g/f (who’s at least a 1/2 ft. shorter than me and half my jean size) with a 2 CT. round stone solitaire ring? A load of crap I think…
Also, I went to show one of my friends the ring, and she said “oh, how adorable.” I’m sorry, but that is NOT a word anyone should be allowed to use to describe an engagement ring. Uggghhh, this is infuriating me so much, can you tell?
I’m afraid that if I bring this up again with my fiance, he’ll get mad at me, saying that I’m accusing him of being cheap and that he didn’t spend any time picking it out. Please help?
Post # 3
@seppdp12: Couldn’t you just express your desire to pick your own ring rather than make negative comments about the ring to him? I think he’s more likely to get defensive if you tell him the clarity isn’t good or that the ring isn’t attractive, even if it’s true… I would tell him that you completely appreciate the desire to “keep it in the family,” but it’s really not your style and you have another idea in mind. Otherwise he’s more likely to take it as a personal attack on his family…
Post # 4
What you need to do is to make this not about the price of the ring or about how small it is but instead about that you hadn’t really had the time to look at other things before he bought the ring that you have for you. Tell him that we are talking about a ring that you will be wearing for the rest of your life and that you just want something that you really love. Do not bring up the issue of money and if he does you could mention that you would be willing to get something second hand(since what you have is already second hand) and that if he sells the ring that you have now that you could probably get more for it then what he paid. But you also have to take into consideration his financial situation when thinking about buying a more expensive ring. And just because someone has a 2ct e-ring doesn’t mean that it was that expensive if the cut, color and clarity aren’t that good.
Post # 5
I dont have any advice for you, because it should be about more than the ring itself, but about the meaning behind it.
EDIT: in no way is this meant to be mean or Snarky. My ring was not at all what i innitially would have picked, but now i love it, because of what it means
Post # 6
Sorry but you are sounding really unappreciative and that makes it hard to be sympathetic.
Post # 7
I think that’s a pretty ring. Did you say he bought the band as well? What does that look like. Perhaps you can get something more lavish for an anniversary one day. And screw what other people think about it. It’s yours and it symbolizes the love you share with your FI.
Post # 8
I think the real reason this bothers you is because he didn’t seem to put a lot of thought into it. Lots of men propose with affordable rings all the time, but their fiancees love it because its was a heartfelt, well-thought-out thing. I think what you don’t like about it was that there wasn’t any real effort put into it.
Now he may just be the type who sees no value in things like jewelry and what not, and perhaps he just views the marriage as being more important. And that’s fine too. But the problem is YOU may have different ideas about it and he’s not taking your feelings into consideration. And if you’ve been engaged since 2009 and this is still something on your heart, maybe you just need to bring it up bluntly and honestly. Because otherwise you’re going to feel like he doesn’t hear you or take your opinions/feelings into consideration on major issues.
My DH picked out my ring on his own and I love it, but after we got engaged we had a hypothetical discussion on what I should have done if for some reason I had secretly hated the ring. He said “this is just one of those things where you need to be blunt about it and tell me as soon as possible that you don’t like so that we can fix the problem. There’s just no way to sugarcoat that and make it sting less for a guy – his feelings will get hurt. But a guy wants his girl to be happy, she’s gonna have to wear it for the rest of her life, and its just going to bring this longheld resentment into the marriage. No on wants that. In that circumstance, the best thing to do is fix it as soon as possible and give me a chance to feel redeemed by the fact that in the end I got you something you love. Your happiness is worth more than my ego.”
Post # 9
I didn’t get to pick out my ring. FI gave me his mom’s ring she had put in a new setting. Is it what I would’ve picked? No, but I love it just the same. It’s a very pretty ring and I’m proud to wear it. I also know FI picked it cuz it was free. Also fine with me cuz we have joint finances anyway. You can pick out a blingy wedding band and it’ll change the whole look of your ring. I think your ring is very pretty, I personally wouldn’t want yellow gold but you didn’t mention that. I think its the size that bothers you and it makes you appear a bit shallow. Only cuz not once did you mention you appreciate the effort your FI made to get you ANY ring or that you love him.
Post # 10
If its just the style of the ring you don’t like & would possibly keep the stones you could get the gold melted down and have it made into a style more that fits your taste and have the stones reset. If you aren’t loving the ring because you feel its cheap/ect. Remember what the ring is really worth, a man asking for you to spend the rest of your life with him! 🙂
Post # 11
You need to express that you wanted something different. If it’s just about size, could suggest getting a larger loose stone and having it set in the center?
Post # 12
Gotta say if my man pointed to his grandmas ring, asked me if I liked it, and bought if for me right there I would be choked. Especially when I was only trying to be polite. How could you say anything BUT yes to his grandmothers face? That put you in a very ackward position. A lot of ppl seem to be saying that you should be happy with ANYTHING you get because he got it for you but that’s not fair. You SHOULDN’T have to be oh so grateful for something that he put next to NO thought into. You have to wear this for the rest of your life and it should be an expression of who you are. Don’t talk to him about the money, talk to him about the style. Tell him that it’s just not YOU. that you need him to understand that this ring that is supposed to be a symbol of your union doesn’t express who you are at all. Ppl should look at your ring and say “that’s so you!” because your guy should know who you are and what you’re about.
Post # 13
I’m sorry you don’t like the ring. However, honestly, I can’t sympathize because it’s really coming off as you don’t like it because the diamond is small. Your engagement ring shouldn’t be about how large a stone you can get (though if you can afford a large stone more power to you) but should be a symbol of his love for you. It doesn’t matter if he got the ring from his Grandmother. What matters is that he saw the ring, thought it said you and purchased it. I would be honored if my husband presented me with his grandmother’s engagement ring.
It really sounds like your head is in the wrong place. I could understand if you didn’t like yellow gold or the ring is too flashy, but you don’t like it because the stone is small. You’re even comparing your ring to your future cousin in law’s. If I were your FI I would be hurt you keep bringing it up. Especially since you waited so long to actually tell him the truth.
Post # 14
Wait, why would it be ok if she thought the ring was TOO flashy, but shame on her if it’s not flashy enough? What is up with North Americans and their deluded thoughts of virtue in self-denial?? I am a big boisterous dramatic diva of a woman. If my guy got me a small simple subdued ring I would wonder if he knew who he was marrying. Same if I was a more modest subdued woman and he got me something big and flashy. So WHAT if she wants something bigger? Maybe bigger fits her better. Her comment about the cousin was because her FI said a larger ring would look strange on her small hand. This made no sense to the OP as her cousin is half her size with a diamond twice as big but it still looked great. Her point is she has proof that his explanation/excuse made no sense.
Post # 15
I’ve got to say, it doesn’t sound like your FI put a lot of thought into the ring….and it seems like that’s what’s frustrating you. I mean honestly, who could say they DIDN’T like their FI’s grandmother’s ring to her face? That was a difficult position to be in and it really was a no-win situation for you. I’d talk to your FI and explain that you really want to pick out a ring that you can have some say in and that you’ll really love. I agree that not mentioning the size or clarity of the current ring is probably best.
Post # 16
@Pikachu42: OP said the ring was NOT the grandmother’s engagement ring but rather a random ring from her collection.