Post # 1
I need some advice here. First thing, I absolutely love my engagement ring. It’s gorgeous. We designed it together and it has the diamond my father gave to my mom when he proposed. I love it and if I were to ever want to wear an engagement ring, it would be that one.
I just really don’t like wearing an engagement ring. I’ve never really liked what they stood for, and it just feels like I am publicly displaying something very personal about my life (that I am madly in love and currently planning a wedding). I really hate being the centre of attention and it seems like other women are just uncanny at noticing it and immediately grabbing my hand, making comments, asking me a billion questions about the wedding, and I just hate it.
And on top of all of this, I am in a pretty male-dominated field and I have to work really hard at being taken seriously intellectually. And I know that whenever I do something “girly” like talk about a wedding, I just set myself back, and it seems like every time I run into another woman she wants to talk about the wedding and then the guys see me and all I can think is “oh shit, here we go again.”
I really don’t want to hurt my FI’s feelings. He loves the ring as much as I do and I don’t want him doubting for a second how much I love him and how committed I am to this marriage. He’s been gone for a few weeks and I have stopped wearing it, but he’s coming back soon and I don’t know how I should approach this.
Post # 3
@AdriannaJean: Ekk, I would not let this stop you from wearing it! You are female, you are getting married…and that does not make you dumb….As far as another woman grabbing your hand, just say “Yes, we are excited and I’ll send you an email with the details” or something. You NOT wearing makes things look bad…like it could make it seem like your relationship is unstable and it will make your Fiance sad that you don’t want to show that you are seriously taken.
Post # 4
If you love it, you should wear it.
(that I am madly in love and currently planning a wedding)
What’s wrong with that? I guess I don’t understand this.
I work in a male-dominated field, too. I wear my ring every day. The guys ask about the wedding. I don’t feel that my ring sets me back at all, or makes me have to work harder to prove myself–I get numerous compliments from them on my work every day.
Post # 5
I felt this way too about being engaged. It was weird. I hated saying “Fiance” too because then everyone would ask about wedding plans. Everyone stopped asking questions like that about 3 months after he proposed and the engagement wasn’t so new. Hang in there!
Post # 6
I think you are over analyzing this… Being happy doesn’t equal stupid or unprofessional.
Post # 7
I don’t see any harm if you don’t want to wear it at work because of your situation. Can you explain it as a way for you to be more respected and less feminine because you’re in a male dominated field?
Post # 8
Wear your ring if you love it. If you’re “madly in love” and you’re proud of it, wear it. Unless you feel like it’s unprofessional to wear it, WEAR IT. It’s yours to love and cherish. And having that little bit of specialness in your day can cheer you up sometimes! It doesn’t matter if you’re in a male-dominated field. Many men are married, or are getting married, or are talking about proposing to their SOs as well. It’s not just a girl topic all the time!
Post # 9
@KatyElle: agreed. These seem like odd reasons not to wear a ring.
Post # 10
I guess I’m just a really private person and I like people knowing the things about my life that I decide to tell them, not from just looking at me.
And as for the male-dominated thing, I guess I was really just beating around the bush. Sexist is really the word for it. Anything that makes me more feminine (and caring about a wedding, if you’re a sexist douche-canoe, definitely makes someone feminine) is a liability. Obviously all the men I’m around know I’m getting married, but there’s a difference between them knowing about it and them having to overhear me talk about it every time another woman walks into the room.
Post # 11
@AdriannaJean: Don’t wear your ring at work if that’s how you feel.
Wait until you get pregnant – can’t hide that, lol. The worst thing about being pregnant, to me, was the fact that everyone in the world could obviously see something I felt was so private. Weird, but true, so I kind of know where you’re coming from.
Post # 12
@AdriannaJean: You don’t have to wear it to work if you aren’t comfortable with your coworkers knowing your personal business.
Post # 13
Thanks for all the replies. I guess I should have been clearer though. The advice I was asking for was how to bring this up to Fiance without hurting his feelings or making him doubt my commitment. Any thoughts?
Post # 14
@AdriannaJean: How about the same way you explained it here?
Post # 15
i think you should wear your ring. it looks like you’re getting married next spring. i would say buy a simple wedding band and after the wedding wear just that to work.
if someone starts talking about your wedding just say “let’s talk after this meeting.” “or, let’s get lunch and i can give you details.”
i had a female boss in a very powerful position. she always wore a ring, discussed her wedding AND her kids and was taken seriously. just own yourself and no one can put you down.
Post # 16
I would think that talking about your wedding would make you more noticibly female and therefore a target of sexism than wearing your ring. Very few men notice rings as enagement rings.
If it really bothers you, don’t wear it to work. Tell your fiance why with something like the sexist guys that I work with give me a hard time about it, or something like that. If he still isn’t convinced see if he’s more willing to let you wear it on a chain and tuck that under your shirt. Then it’s private, but you still have it with you.
I work in skilled nursing and I never wear my ring to work, unless its on a chain around my neck. My fiance knows and is perfectly fine with it. Even though he wears his engagement ring to work and he also works in healthcare.