Post # 1
So I am getting married this summer and I cant decide whether or not one of our groomsmens girlfriends should be invited. She has been dating groomsmen for over a year and he has tried to break up with her several times but it has not stuck, as of now they are together with no sign of breaking up unfortunately. Add to this that I have been around her a few times and when around her she is either: an attention hog (will scream across a restaurant at some she knows as it if its a miracle they have appeared), a sloppy drunk or both. Add to this that she is flirty with groomsmens roommate (whom she did not know before dating the groomsmen) and spends alone time with him and I dont think this is appropriate behavior. I have tried to be nice to her and invited her to do activities with my friends and i twice and was basically ignored. I feel like I shouldnt have to invite her because I am worried about her making a spectacle of herself for attention or because she is drunk and the fact that she has not made any effort to get to know me (this groomsmen’s prior girlfriend made an effort with all of his friends significant others so this is a huge change). Groomsmen and this girl do not live together. How bad would it be if she was not invited as we are thinking of not inviting guests who do not at least live with the person who was invited as we are over our guest count? Can she be excluded from other wedding activities as well such as bachelorette party, bridal shower and rehearsal dinner? We are getting married at a resort and I would prefer to not see her acting crazy by the pool or in the resort at all……
Post # 3
Well if you have the rule that all couples have to live together to be invited jointly, then that rule applies here, although the groomsman should be able to bring his girlfriend.
As for the other events such as bachelorette and bridal shower, those two you do not have to invite her to. Not every female guest has to be invited to either of those. The rehearsal dinner however she would be invited to as the girlfriend of someone in the bridal party.
Post # 4
I would exclude her from all the other activities but I would most definitely invite a groomsmen’s SO.
ETA: she may not want to do many of the activities. You mentioned she has ignored times when you invited her for things so she may have a mutual dislike for you. However, you dont have to like her since you don’t date her but for a member of the bridal party I would allow a guest/SO.
Post # 5
@cat05: Their relationship is none of your business, and it doesn’t really matter what you think of it. He’s in the wedding party and they’re in an established relationship. So yes, you have to invite her. Have one of your BMs keep an eye on her at the reception and if she starts to get sloppy drunk, get someone to take her back to her hotel room.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t invite her since you clearly don’t like that person, and they seem not to be so attached at all (since he tryed to end up things), so I don’t think he would be offended, even because you are only inviting people that live together.
Besides, it’s your special day, you are allowed to have only the people that you care about, and that care about you, wich isn’t the case. Adding to that, do you really want a crazy drunk girl in your wedding? I wouldn’t, so no invite.
Post # 7
i think its good etiquette to invite her as you are having her boyfriend in the bridal party. you’ll be having so much elsrle happening during the day you wont even notice her being there
Post # 8
@cat05: Is it a small wedding? Ours was tiny, so I could get away with not inviting people if I didn’t want them there by saying, “It’s really small. A couple of family members, one or two of our closest friends.” Then again, I’ve never been of the opinion that anyone is obligated to invite anybody. For example, my parents are married. I didn’t invite my father. It turned out that my mom answered his “Am I expected to be there?” with a “Yes”, so it was discussed and he was welcome to come if he wanted to, and he did. But until we established that he wanted to be there and would not be a jackass, he wasn’t invited.
I’m very unpopular with my opinion about this. I know that. But if you’re prepared to cut this girl out of your life, then don’t invite her. It’s your wedding. Nobody has an automatic right to attend. Nobody. It’s a privilege and an honor to be important enough in someone’s life that they want you at their wedding. If you’re disrespectful and rude, you don’t fit the bill. Therefore, you don’t get an invitation.
Post # 9
Wedding party members should always get +1s. Proper etiquette. If I had paid money to be an attendant and my SO wasn’t invited, I would honestly drop out and reconsider the friendship.
Also, FI and I were together for years before we lived together. I would have been really hurt if people didn’t deem our relationship as important because we weren’t cohabitating. In fact, we had hoped to live separately until marriage, but life events happened and here we are. To imply their relationship is less valid because of their choices is insulting.
As for her behavior, well, you can’t predict how someone is going to behave on that day. Maybe she will be on her best behavior, but Aunt Ida might have had too much champagne and is now doing her best Flashdance impression or making inappropriate comments to the groomsmen. Like I said, you can’t predict someone’s behavior.
Post # 11
Even if they don’t live together…or even if he didn’t have a girlfriend, it’s pretty standard to give your bridal party a plus one…so yes, invite. Don’t worry, you won’t have time to see her anyway. You probably won’t even know she’s there.
Post # 12
I really think you have to invite her. I don’t know why everyone thinks that being the bride means that you make all the rules for everyone (you can, but if people then think you’re a class-free nobend, it’s your own fault).
She is his girlfirend whether you like it or not, and whether you think he likes it or not. The right thing to do is ask her.
Post # 13
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@cat05: I really don’t understand the rules people set for inviting SO’s and +1’s, I know people have limited room but that’s really judgy of someone else’s relationship to say “well, you don’t live together so obviously your relationship isn’t important enough for you to come with him to my wedding.”
But that aside, he is a GROOMSMAN, he should 110% get a date to enjoy the night with.
Don’t worry about her, you spend so little time with each individual person at your reception that you will hardly have a memory of her.
If any guest starts to act ridiculous put someone in charge of cutting people off and removing them if necessary.
You can’t do anything about seeing them around the resort, they are there for YOUR wedding but she definitely doesn’t have to be invited to the bachelorette (although it would be nice if the GM will be out with your FI at the same time) or your shower. She does, however need an invite to the Rehearsal Dinner if you are having one.
Post # 14
In case the groomsman and his SO are broken up, just put Groomsman and guest on the invitation. This way you are not specifically inviting her. Also, I don’t think she automatically gets an invitation to your bachelorette party since she is not your friend. She kind of has to come to the rehearsal as his guest though.
Post # 15
You KNOW .. you do KNOW he WILL ask for a plus one right? I wouldn’t have a head table, make him be her babysitter all night and sit him at the … “I don’t know what to do with you” table.
oh and hell no to the bachelorette party .. and you can’t invite her to any showers you’re having.
Post # 16
It’s proper etiquette that anyone in a relationship gets a +1. Even if you don’t think their relationship is good/significant, it’s not really your place to judge. If he identifies her as his girlfriend (same for the rest of your guests), then he gets a +1. Just think how you would feel if someone didn’t think your relationship with your FI when you were dating was going to work out and just gave him an invite to a wedding but excluded you.
As far as the bridal shower and bachelorette party, you definitely do NOT have to invite her to those events. Those are more intimate affairs and just because someone is invited to the wedding, does not mean they have to be invited to the pre-wedding celebrations, especially if you dislike them.
Your groomsmen should also be able to bring her to the rehearsal dinner if you are having one.