Post # 1
I’ve heard this advice and can see how it is sound.
To me, the “small stuff” includes being ok with little annoying habits, accepting that we’ll have some bad days mixed in with the good days, and working through minor misunderstandings without letting them become bigger conflicts.
To be honest, we are still learning how to not sweat the small stuff. So I’m asking the bees…if you feel like you and your SO have a good handle on this, please share how, and what it means for you!
Post # 3
Haha- I can’t do it either!
I have issues and opinions on/with everything because I go by “It’s the little things that count!”
My FH has the oppsite approach. He thinks that nothing matters or is an issue because I’m going to be his wife and that’s all that matters.
That’s the only way we were able to work it out was by matching my super-anal bitch type A personality with his cool, chill, laid back, non-sensitive personality.
Sorry I don;t have better advice, was hoping to read some for myself!
Post # 4
mmuncha, that sounds kind of like us. My point of view is always: “Uh-oh, potential conflict! Let’s learn how to deal with this now so we’ll always be prepared if it ever comes up again!” and my Fiance is like, “Conflict? Oh, that. We’ll figure it out as we go.” He thinks I make a big deal out of small things; I just happen to think more things *are* a “big deal” than he does.
Post # 5
It does take time and learning…
But when no matter how many times you do the dishes there are always more in the sink… you just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!! And NO MATTER WHAY I SAID HE WOULDN’T DO THEM!!!!!!!
Solution: I bought a portable dishwasher off of Craigslist and have not complained about the dishes since!!!
Post # 6
Dont sweat the small stuff??? HAHAHAHAHHA thats halarious. I cant even think of something that small to not get all huffy about. Ok sometimes if its a fight about the dishes, i just laugh at him. Like my post. He complains that he doesnt want to eat late, so i dont cook. He comes home hungary and complains about the two pots that are dirty in the sink. Then slams the door running to the first fast food place. I just laugh inside cause as soon as he gets back hes washing both those pots. But because i laugh he has to make me miserable so he throws my clean folded laundry to the floor. Thats when its not so small.
Post # 7
Sometimes when I want to critique something, which honestly is the root of this issue, I have to physically stop and ask myself if this actually will matter later on, or if I am just trying to control the situation.
Another thing that has helped me keep from nagging or critiquing too much is complimenting him like crazy!! Sounds weird, but if you are a compulsive complimenter, you will find yourself happier with him in general and less likely to get upset if he hogs the remote all afternoon. 🙂
Someone once told me that your SO will meet about 70% of your expectations. You can spend your life trying to change that other 30% (the small stuff), or you can just enjoy the 70% that you have and let the rest take care of itself!
Post # 8
I operate on a “pick your battles” principle, which is probably the same sort of idea. Not everything is worth picking on. My mother told me this when I first moved in with Darling Husband and I thought it made a lot of sense.
Post # 9
For us “Don’t sweat the small stuff” definitely means “choose your battles” That is something I throughly live by. If it isnt gonna matter in a few hours, then don’t fight about it. period. It makes life SO much better when you don’t go LOOKING for a fight about something.
Post # 10
My mom always talked about the “5-year plan” about stuff in general. Is this going to matter in 5 years?
Sounds like a “5-hour plan” could work with a relationship…in 5 hours, will it matter?
Post # 11
I agree with the compulsive complimenting! It sounds weird but with the small stuff I a) take a deep breath and think about whether it really matters…if it’s a one-time minor annoyance versus a long-term pattern and b) use encouragement of positive behavior and do not nag him. Saying, “wow, thank you so much for getting the dishes done so quickly, honey!” gets far better results with my Fiance than “do the dishes, dammit!”
This article from a few years ago about how a woman “trained” her husband is pretty funny but also, er, kinda true: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html
Post # 12
What a nice post! I’ve lived with my SO for 3 years already but I still have not mastered the “don’t sweat the small stuff” concept.
To me it definitely means “choose your battles” and also keep in mind there are only so many ultimatums you can give. My mom always taught me the importants of this (especially for becoming a wife and someday a mom) but I never truely understood. I realized I was fighting for every single issue that wasn’t to my liking whether it was about decision, values or roles or personla bad habits (like I hate that my SO smokes, eats unhealthy, stocks porn all over his computer grrrrrrr!). Everything DID seem as significant to me and even when we got through one problem something else would bother me and I’d be consumed.
I agree there will be major things that must be discussed or I can’t sleep well at night but I think trying to minimize what is considered a “major thing” does keep life peaceful!
Post # 13
@ginandtonic That article is great. Just read it and loved it.
My hubby doesn’t have issues with “the small stuff”, but I certainly do…working on it!!! It’s difficult..lol
Post # 14
For us it’s about picking battles too, and not overreacting – for example, arguing because he left his dirty socks on the floor AGAIN is not the hill I want to die on. I considered putting them on his pillow to get the idea across, but it wasn’t worth it. I simply stopped putting laundry in the washing machine that wasn’t in the laundry basket (ie, his socks). When he ran out of clean socks, he got the idea. No fuss, no muss and it’s not a problem anymore.
For him, I know that he bites his tongue when I decide to have ice cream for supper. It’s not like I do it all the time, but I know that he hates it because it’s unhealthy and doesn’t say anything. He eats something healthy and I have ice cream and the world somehow keeps turning.
Post # 15
It means that I don’t get POed about the dishtowel never getting hung back up or the trashbag that never gets replaced when he takes it out. For him it means he doesn’t fuss over laundry that takes me forever to fold.