Post # 1
FI and I are getting married in Florida since he is American and I am Canadian and we didn’t think it was fair to ask only one side to travel. I have been adamant that I do not think it is appropriate to register, we are asking a lot of friends and family to take a few days off work, buy a plane ticket, and have a hotel. There will also be no showers or prewedding parites as we live far away from everyone and don’t get time off work.
FI has been talking to his friends and coworkers who are all telling him we need to register because people want to buy presents for weddings and we will otherwise end up with random stuff. My parents and FFIL agree with me, FMIL is on the fence but I think she is more on FIs side.
I put a note on the website under registry info that we are greatful to anyone making the trip, and their prescence is their present (which I know some people think is bad and will be interpreted as asking for cash) but I really don’t want people bothering with any kind of wedding present. Save the dates haven’t gone out so the guests haven’t seen the website and I can change it.
How can I explain this better to FI? We’ve already had a couple argments about it. Or should I just register even though I feel uncomfortable about it because it is “expected” that people have a wedding registry?
Post # 3
@pixiecat: I know this is kind of silly, but can you just do a small registry, with relatively inexpensive things like kitchen gadgets, and just not publicize it? That way, if people REALLY want to get you a gift they can ask around and find out where you’re registered, but you are very clearly not making a request.
Post # 4
If you don’t register, people take that as a sign that you want money.
Weddings are gift giving occaisions. I would make a registry and include a lot of lower priced items if you are concerned about your guests’ budgets.
Post # 5
I think you should just register, it’s really not a big deal. It’s just a way for those that WANT to give you a gift, to find what you do like. And it’s really up to the giver whether they want to give you a gift in addition to traveling or not. It’s definitely not something worth continuing to fight about. Just have it in case people ask.
Post # 6
@pixiecat: I would just register for little things. If people are going to get you a gift, they will regardless. It’s easier (at least IMO) to buy something off of a registry because at least I know you want It. I don’t think anyone would be offended or think you’re greedy by having a registry.
Post # 7
@pixiecat: People are always going to ask where you are registered. I agree with PP that you can reguster for a few small items – picture frames, etc. There might be people who can’t attend the wedding and will want to send a gift.
Post # 8
I think you should register for small things. No matter how much I spend getting to a wedding, I’m not going to show up empty handed. Most guests feel similarly. Might as well make a list of stuff under $50 that you’d really like to have.
Post # 9
You can still register and not expect gifts. There is nothing about a registry that states people must get you anything. I would keep it low radar (not including it on any of your wedding materials) but have it out there.
Post # 11
I’m in the same exact boat, but we went ahead and registered (90% of the things we registered for are under $50) just because everyone said we needed to.
Post # 12
@pixiecat: EVERYONE had to travel for our wedding (not a DW, every one just lives spread out). We made a super small registry, let people know verbally we didn’t expect gifts, and STILL got 3K worth of gifts!
We only had a luncheon with 42 people invited!
I guess weddings are one of those occasions where people REALLY like to give a gift!
Post # 13
I think you should go ahead and register. The only time I have not gotten someone a gift was when the bride specifically told me not to get anything. You will have people that want to wish you well and get a gift, and it is far better to register before the wedding in case people look than create a registry after the wedding.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MexiPino: This is what we ended up doing and most guests got the idea that we preferred monetary gifts. We live in a small apartment so we really don’t have space for extra kitchen appliances and holiday platters.
We set up a small registry through Target and didn’t list it anywhere; we only told guests that specifically asked. We ended up getting lots of cards with money and three gifts to unwrap. I think it worked out well.
Post # 15
@pixiecat: Everyone had to travel to our wedding, and I wrote the exact same thing you did on our website (i.e. you (the guest) being there is the best present to us). My MIL basically told us we had to have a registry, so I put small kitchen items on it (spatulas, cutting boards, etc) and didn’t really mention the registry to anyone. We ended up getting checks from our guests. Apparently, there is no way to stop your guests from spending their money on you if they’ve already decided on it.
Post # 16
We were just in this situation, only I am pro-registry, and my FI is against it. We ended up having a very small (by “very small” I mean 8 items total) registry with the most expensive item being $85, and all the other options <$50.
I honestly think that registries are a godsend for guests as they take all the guesswork out of the process. And I’m sure that just about everyone, regardless of their travels, will be happy to spend $20 on something they know you will find useful and keep for years to come!
Post # 17
I don’t even know what we would register for, even if we had a local wedding! Our kitchen is fully stocked (overstocked actually), we live in a small apartment and move frequently. It will be at least 3 years before we live anywhere permanently. People may want to give even a small gift because they feel they should at a wedding, but to me it is just clutter and crap I am going to have to pack up and move constantly!
I know most people don’t think it is appropriate to show up to a wedding empty handed, but that is seriously what I would want most. I don’t even want cards, I hate cards and FI is a borderline horder so he would never let me throw them away!