Post # 1
Let’s call this friend “Jane. She’s part of fiance’s inner circle but also school friends with my fiance’s ex. The first ex left the same circle of friends years ago, but Jane continued to go to the groups catch-ups.
Jane suddenly met her fiance last year and got engaged in the space of 8 months. None of the friends from the same circle ever met this guy, but she has since invited 5 out of 8 friends to the wedding. My fiance only assumed he didn’t get invited as its an interstate wedding and his first ex would also be attending.
We’re about to get married 2 months after them. Fiance wants Jane and her partner there. He also thinks it would be weird if we invite his entire social circle except her.
I don’t mine if Jane attended or not but hey, weddings are expensive and we have to draw the line somewhere! I feel that: 1. We invited Jane to our engagement and she initially said she’d come but never turned up. 2. Obviously we’re not close enough for her to be introduced to her fiance or invited to her wedding! 3. I don’t believe Jane would be close enough to stay friends if I was to look back at my wedding photos in 1-2 years time.
We’re still debating on this everytime the guest list comes up! Thoughts?
Post # 3
She’s his friend; I don’t really think it’s up to you to tell him she doesn’t make the cut if she hasn’t done something horrible.
Post # 4
We had a few of these. If it’s important to him, best to give in now instead of letting it become a big thing before you give in later.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t invite her. Sorry bee. Hope it helps
Post # 6
I say if your FI has considered all of the things you mentioned but still wants her therer, she should be invited. I try to let my FI weed though his friends and he lets me choose from mine.
Post # 7
If she is going at the expense of someone who did actually go to your engagement or invited you to there wedding scrap her off the list.
Post # 8
IMO I would not want her there. Like you said, she didn’t invite you to her wedding, why should you? I would bring that up with SO emphasize that point to him. She felt it ok to exclude your FI, why can’t your FI feel ok with it also? He might just be like my SO that just wants to keep the peace but try talking to hiim about and if he doesn’t budge you might have to invite her. Most likely she wont even show up since she doesn’t seem to value the friendship by not showing up to the engagement party.
Post # 9
Let him make the call; I say invite her.
Post # 10
@mightywombat: Thanks, however I feel she has shown us the way if she’s not making any effort to even introduce any of this circle of friends to her fiance!
Post # 11
@ProfessorGirl: & @LadyX: Hmmmm…I’m going to feel so immature for this sort of “compromise” but maybe I’ll just sneek her into the final rounds of invites just to say my job is done.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2013 - ceremony at a gazebo outside, reception at neighboring restaurant on a lake
A couple of my friends recently invited me and my fiance to their wedding. But I’m not inviting them to mine. It is because we are only inviting immediate family, aunts, uncles, and 1st cousins (no great aunts/great uncles, 2nd cousins), the bridal party, the couple that hooked me and my fiance up, and then 5 of my coworkers that I am very close with. If I were inviting my very good friends, it would be another 40 ppl, and we already have a guest list of 120 with family and bridal party. A side note: I get to invite my coworkers because my fiance has 80 of the 120 ppl claimed because of how big his family is, so I got to invite a few extra.
Anyways, I think it is fine if she doesn’t invite both of you. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you two, that she wouldn’t come support you at your wedding. It likely means that she doesn’t want any weirdness on her wedding day since your fiance’s ex will be there!!
I think you should just let him invite her and her fiance. He should get to invite who is important to him on your wedding day.
Post # 13
If he wants to invite her he should. But I don’t believe that just because someone did or didn’t invite you to their wedding you have to do the same. To me, that is being petty.
Post # 14
I probably wouldn’t want to invite her either. But keep in mind, with everything that will be going on that day, you probably wont even realize if she’s there 🙂
Post # 15
I personally wouldn’t invite her, but mostly because it doesn’t sound like you and your FI are that close with her. Of course, since she’s technically FI’s friend he should get the final say in inviting her.
But if you haven’t seen her recently enough to even meet her fiance, and she didn’t invite you to her wedding, it just seems that you guys aren’t close enough for wedding invites. I wouldn’t worry about the whole social circle thing either – she can’t exactly get huffy for when she didn’t invite you either, right? Glass houses and all that 🙂
Post # 16
I think it’s ultimately up to your FH if you have no big issue with her as a person. Unless she’s taking the place of someone you really really want to come who otherwise won’t be able to then I think you need to just let her come.