(Closed) don’t think think this is going to happen :(

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I used to get really frustrated about this, but it seems like the minute I stopped thinking about an engagement….it happened. So all I can say is it will happen when you least expect it. I wasnt expecting it for another year or so. If you truly feel like hes not at that point in his life, and you are, then maybe you should consider other options.

Post # 4
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Awww don’t get so down and frustrated.  I know you don’t want to hear this, but if he has no job and no savings… how could he have budgeted better for an e-ring for you?  There’s nothing wrong with just BEING with him right?  Just concentrate on loving your relationship and being grateful for having him in your life.  Sounds like he still has a lot of priorities to concentrate on before thinking about marriage… just give him some time.  🙂

Post # 5
1298 posts
Bumble bee

How long has he been without a job?

Post # 6
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I went through the same thing. We dated for almost 5 years before he proposed. I know now, he wanted a great life for us, not just a ring. I am pretty low-maitnance when it comes to jewelry and other material things so I never understood why he couldn’t just make the commitment, but he wanted the best for me. I also agree with the girls that posted earlier. When you are just enjoying your relationship, it happens. Hopefully he finds employment soon and can start saving for the ring and your future!

Post # 7
1104 posts
Bumble bee

My parents have managed to be happily married for 30 years…never an engagement ring in sight. They were 21 and poor students, how would they have afforded a ring? Turns out – it doesn’t matter at all. If you guys want to get engaged, you should just do it, ring or not. I told my then Boyfriend or Best Friend I didn’t need a ring, I just wanted to marry him. Maybe you should try this (assuming it’s true – I think for most women it would be as it’s not the bling that matters at all) and see how the conversation turns out. Good luck, I know how disheartening it can be to wait (I told Darling Husband I was ready to marry him a year before he proposed – it was a long year).

Post # 8
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What’s the story with your relationship? How long have you been together, etc.? If you’ve been with him for a while and you just don’t feel like he’s fully committed, or if you think he’s just not being responsible enough when it comes to getting his life back on track financially, I don’t see anything wrong with you wanting to walk away. Those are big issues.

Post # 10
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

How long does he have left in his schooling?  If he is almost finished, he may be waiting to finish before proposing.  I know a lot of guys would be uncomfortable proposing when they had no job and were still in school. I guess you just have to ask yourself if you think that the reasons he isn’t proposing are practical sort of reasons that will eventually be resolved (like wanting to wait until he graduates, or wanting to wait until he has a certain amount of savings) or emotional reasons that have something to do with a problem in the relationship (like maybe he doesn’t want to settle down yet or something like that). 

If it’s a practical reason, then personally I think it would be crazy to throw out a perfectly good relationship which makes you happy just because you are impatient.  And if you are willing to do that, then it doesn’t speak well for your ability to be committed to the marriage, if you can’t be committed to the current relationship.

If it is an emotional reason, then you have a more serious problem.  But you can’t address it unless both you and he are willing to talk about it.  He’s not likely to admit to hesitations if you are being so forceful about getting engaged and offering ultimatums, because he would be afraid of the consequences of admitting that.  I don’t know what to tell you on that one, except that listening to his needs in the relationship will probably be more productive at this point than issuing ultimatums (of even coming up with them in your mind).

I’m sorry you’re in this position and I hope everything works out for the two of you…

Post # 11
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Have you asked him for a general timeline of when he will ask you? Maybe that will give you an idea and then you can put your leaving plan into action. I understand your age and kids playing a factor into your decision. You don’t have time to wait around for 5 yrs. I’m 29 and I feel the same way. Maybe once this economy gets a little better, he’ll find a new job. I know this economy sucks for most people.

I understand about setting a deadline. I had my SO tell me when I should expect it. Well, I didn’t flat out ask. He told me he wouldn’t make me wait until ____ and I told him I’m holding him to that. If it doesn’t happen then, we’ll have a good long talk.

I hope things work out. ((((zalonia)))

Post # 13
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

So… why don’t you propose to him if you’re that anxious? 1.5 years is not a lot of time to wait. That’s probably the reason he’s waiting in the first place.

Post # 15
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry that you are so stressed.  Have you seen Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan to Get Engaged?  One of the steps is to take money out of the picture.  Tell him you would be happy with a non-diamond or an inexpensive ring (and make sure that you will actually be happy with it).  It must be so stressful for him to not have a job, does he still have to pay his own bills?  If so, he needs the money in savings to survive and buying a ring really isn’t important now.

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