Don't Want a Career… Vent.

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 3
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

I think that’s fine if it makes you happy and you can afford it. Don’t waste time worrying what other people thing. 

Post # 4
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

You’re not alone. Having a career has never really been something I wanted either. Does your fiance agree with you being a SAHW/M? If so, sounds like you’re in a pretty good place! I didn’t realise that I would much rather be a homemaker than have a job outside the home until I was married and working, and my husband isn’t such a huge fan of the idea. Growing up, his mother was pretty much the breadwinner, so he has a hard time understanding why I would need to be at home full-time. Right now I work two different part-time jobs, but the plan is that when we have children, I can either stop working or drop one of the jobs. I think he’ll expect me to go back to work after a few years. I have student loans to pay back which I wouldn’t have if I had realised graduate school might not be important for my life goals. Either way, the husband is trying to be understanding, and is okay with me working part-time as long as I can make my loan payments every month, or working from home. At first, I felt really down about it all, because I felt like I’d made a series of mistakes, but I really appreciate my husband for trying to work with me on a compromise. As it is, I basically work full-time, and I miss having cleaning days and laundry days and grocery days, but he’s helping out and I’m glad I’m getting to pay down my loans a little more. 🙂




Post # 5
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have a Master’s Degree, and I’m a SAHM (well, working part time, but not at all in my degree field, and mostly from home) and loving it. Do what makes you happy, and screw everyone and their expectations. As long as you can afford it, I think being a SAHM can be a rewarding life (not that it’s for everyone–it isn’t, but if it’s what you most want, then go for it). 

Post # 6
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Parenting is one of the most important jobs in the universe. Well-raised children mean a brighter future for our planet. but don’t be so quick to dismiss the idea of a career for your entire lifetime. I went back to college at the age of 30 – once the health of my daughter had stabilized. My career started at age 38. And you may simply have chosen the wrong career. I initially started out preparing for physical therapy (worked as an aid for 3 years). That is not what I do for a living. I found my career goal while standing in a pair of hip boots in a stream gathering planaria. An epiphany if you will.

If you want to be a SAHM and can swing it financially, then go for it! So what if friends and/or family think you’re crazy. You have to live your life, not them.

Post # 7
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Some women are fulfilled by a career, others like you are drawn to taking care of hearth and home full time. I think the issue isn’t so much if that choice is “ok” or not (it is ok!) but please just make sure that whatever happens you are *able* to work quickly if you need to. My sister was a SAHM and she loved it, but when her husband had a massive heart attack (40s) and was then laid off three months later, she had to go back to work fast – luckily she had maintained her credentials. After a couple of years her husband’s health was improved enough and he was able to get another good job, and she could quit – but you don’t want to be widowed or divorced with only low-wage prospects. I hope it works out for you!

Post # 8
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you can afford it, go for it. But it’s important to remember to have a back up plan if god forbid your husband isn’t around anymore for any reason. Sorry to be a Debbie downer, but I think it’s important to face reality.

I absolutely think you can be a strong feminist and a SAHM.

Post # 9
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

If you can afford it, go for it.  

I can’t imagine anything I’d like less, but I do have wanderlust and I am super ambitious and career driven.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t want kids (I do!  I don’t think I’ll feel ‘complete’ without them.)  But it means I likely won’t take the full year for mat leave – I’ll give a few months at the end to FI to spend at home.  I’m topped up to nearly my full wage on mat leave, so I may end up taking more than I want because it makes good sense for us (he’s not topped up.)  I would not make a good SAHM.  I don’t have it in me.  I know that, I’m ok with it.  Our kids will be cared for by my mum when I’m not home, they’ll go to montessori school, then full day kindergarten.  I’m not worried.  They’ll have a much happier and ful-filled mum this way, which is better for them. 

Who cares what others think?  If that makes you happy, you and your DH can make it work and you’re both on the same page, then go for it.  

I also think that feminism means you can make your own decisions and can do what you wish with your own life.  

Post # 10
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Nothing wrong with wanting to stay at home. I too was pushed to get a degree. Here I am, 5 years into a well-paying job and I don’t feel fulfilled either.

I don’t think being Betty Homemaker would fulfil me either… but if that’s what floats your boat, then that’s perfectly fine.

I think you hit the nail on the head saying that feminism means that you have a CHOICE.

I never liked the word “feminist” and never really considered myself one because I always thought it meant that I would have to hate men and do everything by myself and not use my feminine charms and never let a man hold the door for me etc. If, however, being a feminist means that I can do what I want, then i’m all for it lol.

I don’t think tradition is bad, either.

As long as you do what works for you as a couple and you’re both happy then there’s nothing wrong with that.

Post # 11
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@felixfelicis:  Correct me if I’m wrong, but the whole idea of feminism was that women have equal opportunity to do what they wanted. No one ever said all women need to be career minded.

Having said that, I do siggest that all women maintain their income earning potential in case you find yourself in the position where you need to support yourself and/or your children, no matter what the reason.

Can you work casual or substitute teach?

Post # 12
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@felixfelicis:  You know what, my MIL was the same way. She worked part time (2 weekends a month) for the first 18 years of being at home and then retired. She loves being a mom and never mentioned her career. She was a fantastic stay at home mom and fully supports that every single one of her daughters and daughters in law works. Do what is best for you and your family.

FWIW, my mom was the world’s worst stay at home mom. She stayed home when my sister was 2. My sister asked her to please go back to work so she could go to daycare. Whatever works for you and your family. (My mom did and is an awesome mom with a great career– we dread when she is on break. Staying at home is not for her)

Post # 13
1425 posts
Bumble bee

I could have written this post myself.

I’ve dabbled in administrative work, food service, and education—nothing has made me happy or felt like something I wanted to do the rest of my life. Like you, “I keep coming back to what I know in my heart, which is that nothing will fulfill me like taking care of my family and that’s what I want to do full time.”

I, too, am working on a Master’s; I plan to finish it, because I’m already halfway through, and it will be helpful to have in the future. Still, I would love to be a SAHM when we have kids, and I really hope we’ll be able to handle it financially when the time comes.

I am a proud feminist and fully support your choice to be a SAHM. I hope it works out for you. Please keep us posted (and message me if you need to vent some more)! *hugs*

Post # 14
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have two degrees consider myself very much a feminist, and yet would really love to be a stay at home wife. (No children for me.)

I think feminism is about the right to choose what is right for you, and not feel pressured to fulfil the social norm, which these days is to work.

If your partner is ok with it, and it is what you want, who cares what others think 🙂

Post # 15
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are you talking about being a stay at home mom (aka waiting untill you have kids to quit your  job) or a stay at home wife (aka quit your job now)? Either way, if you husband is excited about that prospect and you can afford to live on his salary alone, I don’t see anything wrong with not working outside the home. Don’t worry about your friends and family – they’ll want you to be happy.

Post # 16
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011



We are one in the same right down to careers.

 Right now my husband doesn’t make quite enough to maintain a lifestyle we both want..but he has the potential based on schooling he just completed.

People feel very strongly about this subject. Don’t worry about what other people think. Do what you want to do.

As teachers, we get to see what life is like without a career three months out of the year.

Life for my husband and me is pure bliss during this time.

During the school year, we work opposite schedules. We don’t get to see each other as much as we would like.

Our apartment is never fully clean…ever. He comes home from working a 12 hour shift to piles of laundry. 

As a teacher, I work pretty much all of the time. The papers never stop coming. The after-school activities never end. I feel so terrible when I can’t make a decent meal because I don’t get home until 6:00 in the evening.

We don’t have children right now…but it seems impossible to throw that in the mix, especially with my hour commute.

 But the summer….the glorious summer….

 My husband comes home to a clean house…candles lit..and elaborate meals. 

I see friends and family more than once a month… 

I have time to volunteer with the elderly and maintain a garden… I  would have time to devote to children….


I love teaching, and I would miss it. However, it is demanding and very stressful on families. If you do it right, something has to take a hit. A lot of the dedicated teachers at my school will tell you that it is their family life.  

I’m actually working on grading 50 short stories at the moment for my creative writing classes…Even breaks aren’t really breaks…

If you want to and can stay it!!!!!

You can always go back. Smile

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