Post # 1
So I’ve already spread the word to my family that I don’t want a shower. I have never enjoyed them and the thought of having one gives me anxiety (not sure how I’ll deal with being the center of attention at the wedding but that’s another story). I know some people look at it as a time to bond or get together with the girls but none of that appeals to me. My other issue is our wedding is this fall and I really don’t want to give up (or have my friends & family give up) a precious summer weekend for a shower I don’t want.
How do I get it across to my fiancee’s Mom & Stepmom that I’m serious about not having a shower? I’ve told him to let them know but I’m not confident he’ll get the point across.
Any suggestions? Does anyone else feel this way about showers?
Post # 3
I also don’t want a shower! Totally understand.
My aunt is still throwing me one back in my hometown (it will be only close family—very small and chill). But I told my mom and my bridesmaids that I don’t want a local shower with friends, co-workers, etc. It makes me really nervous too.
Are you OK with a bachelorette? We are doing that, but it still makes me a bit nervous.
Post # 4
The bachelorette is easier for me since I’ve been saying for years I just want to do a night out for drinks & it will probably include guys (I’m not a girlie girl & many of my close friends are guys). They know that if they show up with any bachelorette paraphernalia that I will leave.
Post # 5
I’m also curious about the “getting it across to them” part, as we’ve told FMIL several times that we dont’ want a shower becuase we have NO need for all the typical shower gifts. We’ve lived together for a couple years and want to move soon so we don’t “need” anything and don’t want to have to store it. And I’m so picky about things that go into my house, I’d rather have vintage things or hand-made etsy things, having my whole “future” house furnished by WalMart freaks me out.
It’s to the point where I find it really frustrating that she’s pushing it on me and saying I have to, that I don’t have a choice. (she thinks it’s joking and being funny, to me that kind of language is infuriating) She and the aunts are set on it that I don’t want to offend them by refusing, but can not go through with it, I would be SO anxious the entire time.
Isnt’ there some kind of etiquette loophole here? I can’t find a specific answer since my situation is unique but I know that people are not supposed to be invited to teh shower if they’re not invited to the wedding. Our ceremony and reception will be immediate family only, but fmil will be hosting a big “family” reception a few weeks later. Does this count as them not being invited to “the wedding?” Ugh I just want out of this.
Post # 6
Why don’t you just ask them if you can have a brunch at a local restaurant instead? You won’t have to open gifts in front of people, and there will be a clear cut beginning and end to the “party”. And don’t register at Walmart.. then you won’t get Walmart gifts? If people ask where you are registered, just say no gifts please.
If they insist on celebrating with you, I would let them.. you can always take the stuff back or donate it if they buy you stuff that you don’t want.
Post # 7
I feel the exact same way. I feel it is pointless mostly because i would be having it for cousins, aunts, grandmas, etc and they all live 8 hours away and would never come for the weekend just for a shower. I told my FI’s mom who keeps pushing me that i do not want one and have no desire to have one. I am having a bachelorette party with all my gf’s and i think that is all i need.
Post # 8
I just had my shower last week. I, like you, did not want one! I’m very shy and very awkward in those situations. what we did is I had my FI there in the beginning…he brought his family there then stayed for 10-15 mins to kind of mingle and said he’d come back toward the end. He left for a little bit, for the “games” and entertainment…and during that time, I kind of walked around and talked to people individually. But then when it came time for me to open gifts, i secretly texted him and he came back (making it seem like he thought we’d be done by now, and OH what a coincedence, it’s present time! lol)! I know it was probably a little weird for him to be sitting there opening gifts with me but we didn’t care. It was only our family and close (girl) friends there anyway so I wasn’t worried about them judging how we did things. Have you thought of maybe having a jack and jill shower? It takes a lot of pressure of you knowing your FI is by your side.
that’s the only advice I have, because I was pretty much forced into this shower too. So if you can find a way to get out of it, then that’s great! But if not, maybe try suggesting a way to have your FI with you…it definitely takes the pressure off. Don’t get me wrong, opening the gifts was probably the most awkward half hour of my life. But it was so much easier with him by my side!
Post # 9
@missmidcentury: I realize your post was a year ago, but PLEASE tell me how it worked out! It’s such a relief to find out there are other people who dislike bridal showers. I keep telling my friends/fam that I don’t want one… but the idea of NOT having one for me just confuses them. I don’t need toaster ovens or ornate china sets that I will never use! Please let me know if you were able to circumvent having one and how you did it!!!
Post # 10
I never had any desire to have a shower – partly because it’s just not a tradition where I’m from and also because my now SIL had about 9 different events before her wedding and it really put me off. After the umpteenth event it really started to feel like gift and attention grabbing. Thankfully I didn’t have to attend most of them because I live on the other side of the Atlantic but still had to listen to hours of wedding talk (really, for the duration of their engagement there was NO other topic to talk about), look at all the photos and spend a fortune on gifts.
That said, my FI and I did have a surprise shower. When we were on holiday with his parents and a couple of his aunts/uncles they brought out a cake at the end of a dinner out with our names on it and a lovely card. On top of that they put in a very generous donation for our honeymoon registry! It was perfect, completely unexpected and lasted about 15 mins as we ate cake and celebrated.
Post # 11
I didn’t want a shower either…I was really ho hum about it all, but at my bachlorette girls weekend trip my friends ambushed me and did an impromptu one so that was a lot less painful and more fun. I feel like showers are so….gift oriented and I don’t like to sit on a mountain of presents and open them in front of a crowd of people, makes me uncomfortable.
Post # 12
Choice varies from person to person. Some are curious for their shower some not.. So, don’t worry try to convence your family I hope they will be agree with you.