Post # 1
So here’s the situation. Fi and I have decided on 5 BM/GM each and he has made his choices.
Fi has chosen 4 close friends and his brother.
I have chosen my 2 sisters, my brothers wife (not exactly a desired choice, but not choosing her would open up a whole can of whoppass from my brother so she’s in) and two very dear friends.
Fiance has a sister who is 9 years younger than him. She is 14 now, and will be 15/16 at the time of the wedding. I don’t want to choose her as a bridesmaid, for several reasons. My reasons are as follows:
1) She and I are not close. That is not to say I don’t like her… but we spend SO little time together. We are at copletely different stages in life. When I go over to the house, she’s locked up in her room or out with friends.
2) Choosing her means not asking one of my dearest friends. Fiance and I have decided to cap it at 5 BM/GM each.
3) She is too young to come to the bachelorette (not a huge determinant).
What do you think, Bees? Do I have to choose her? Please provide some reaosn why you feel one way or another. Also, if not… what are some nice ways we could include her?
Any help is much appreciated!
Post # 3
I was in a similar situation; I didn’t want a huge bridal party and capped it at three with my 3 closest friends. I made sure to A) Address it with her as soon as I made up my mind, so she knew from the get go what I had decided, and B) Asked her to do one of the readings during the ceremony so she knew she’d be a prominent member of the wedding, and C) kept her in the loop with all the major decisions we made during the process. So far, it’s all worked out!
Post # 4
If you want to keep the numbers balanced, I can see not including her. However, I’d try to include her in other ways, like being a reader or having some other position of honor in the wedding. I’d also sit down and tell her how excited to include her in the wedding. I don’t think you absolutely need to include her, but you need to broach the situation carefully!
Post # 5
If you don’t want her to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man then she shouldn’t be but I’d at least try to have her be a part of the wedding in some way.
Post # 6
Frankly, while it is a nice idea to look for a way to include her, why? She is young and there is a large age gap between you two. Maybe I’m rude (and the Bees will tell me) but why does she need a special role that you have to facilitate? Asking a 15 year old to make a speech might be awkward. If she expresses a desire to be a part of things, have her help you with your DIY or to go shopping. Develop a relationship, but you don’t have to put someone in your bridal party just because you are related or soon to be.
Post # 7
You are in no way obligated to ask her to be in your bridal party. Just offer to let her do some readings or something… she may not even WANT to do anything like that. The teenage years are rough. A lot of young people are self-conscious and shy (I was). She may not want the attention on her, so not including her in the wedding could be a relief on her part. You never know.
Last year, my brother (who is 15) was in his aunt’s wedding and he dreaded every moment of it. It’s not that he was shy or scared of standing up in front of everyone, but he hated the responsibilites and obligations involved. He was way younger than the groom and groomsmen, and he felt like the odd man out. To him, all of their jokes and conversations were “lame” and “geeky”. He was miserable the whole time (having to get fitted for a tux, going to rehearsal/dinner, having to get ready with those guys, etc. etc.). All he did was come home and make fun of the other Groomsmen (you know, because he’s 15).
I’m not sure if your Fiance or his family have been pressuring you to have your Future Sister-In-Law in the wedding, or if she has expressed interest, herself. But, don’t feel bad or knock one of your friends out for her. It’s your choice only. I am not thrilled to have FI’s cousin in my wedding. If I could go back in time, I probably would have my cousin in place of FI’s cousin. Trust me, you don’t wanna have those kinds of regrets. It sucks when you have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who wants to be doing anything else but involving herself with your wedding.
Post # 8
It depends on the person. Is she shy, or more outgoing? Is she a tomboy? Does she even want to be part of the wedding, or could just be a guest and be happy? I don’t think she has to be Bridesmaid or Best Man or reader or anything else.
Post # 9
I’ve heard of this whole junior bridesmaid thing or honorary bridesmaid. I don’t know much about it, but that should be an option, no?
Post # 10
Ask her to do a reading or hand our programs.
Post # 11
There is no reason to make her a bridesmaid. Do you happen to have a brother yourself? If so and you are being pressured, I don’t see your brother being a groomsmen for your Fiance, so no reason his sister -needs- to be a bridesmaid. You are not obligated to choose her. Nor are you obligated to make her a part of the wedding in anyway. If she shows interest, fine have her help with favors and other DIY stuff. No reason you have to make her a part though.
Post # 12
Ditto anyone who has suggested making her a junior bridesmaid. That way she gets to walk down the aisle and wear a special dress, and you get to have YOUR closest friends stand with you on your wedding day.
Post # 13
My SIL was honorary bridesmaid. She was included in the program and had a mini bouquet, but that’s it. She didn’t walk down the aisle, wear a matching bridesmaid dress, etc. She was fine with it.
Post # 14
Don’t include her
It’s your wedding – my Future Sister-In-Law isn’t in my bridal party. We have 8 girls and 8 guys! My sister is standing up.. my brother is standing up.. his brother is standing up and well his little sister is out.
She’s always been a bitch to me.. we’re not close.. we don’t get along.. we don’t talk.. sooo ya she’s out! and I don’t really care about it anymore. I would prefer if she didnt come to the wedding
Post # 15
The sister-in-law issue seems to be almost universal around here. My sister-in-law actually voiced several times before we were engaged that she would be a groomsperson at her brothers’ weddings and stand on the groom’s side. My fiance refused to have a groomsperson, so I got a third bridesmaid, but in reality she’s so spacey and tends to get drunk and emotional at family get togethers that I can’t think of anything to give her to do.