Don't want to be "given away'…..

posted 3 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Where are these words going? I didn’t have my officiant or my program say anything about who was walking me down the aisle. 

Post # 4
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

I think you could just skip any wording entirely. Your father can walk you down, hand you off to your FI with a hug and a kiss, go sit down, and the officiant can just start there. I don’t think you need to replace the, “Who gives this woman…” line with anything if you don’t want to. 

Post # 5
5769 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can skip the whole “who gives this woman” bit and just have your father and fiancé shake hands. 

Post # 6
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can just leave that line out of the ceremony. Your Dad can  give you a kiss, place your hand in the hand of your FI and then take his seat.

Post # 7
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@thumpurr:  Why not just have him walk you down the aisle, and not have anyone say anything about it?  It sounds like, to you, it’s about the special moment with your father.  So, just have him walk you down the aisle, have a hug and a kiss, and continue with the ceremony.  Nothing needs to be said.

Post # 8
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We’re not doing the “who gives this woman” part. Instead, we’re asking for a show of support. Here is the wording we’re using: 

“Officiant: This would be a perfect time to ask the old question, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” But really, the old question does not suit.  We do not give our women away anymore–at least not here in America. This woman gives herself, or no one does. Yet the question has been kept in modern times because it allows for the voice of support. 

That voice of support is incredibly important to both [Bride’s Name] and [Groom’s Name], so they have a different question that they would like to ask each and every one of you, starting with [Bride’s] family. Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name], would you, with your family, please stand? 

[Bride’s family stands]

Officiant: You love [Bride] with all that you are and it’s clear that you support her in this union. The question before you is not if you will give her to [Groom], but rather will you accept and embrace [Groom] as a son; as a member of your family?

Bride’s family: We will.

Officiant: Please remain standing. Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name], will you, with your family, also stand?

[Groom’s family stands]

Officiant: You love [Groom], stand by him and believe in him in all of his endeavors. Will you do the same for [Bride], and will you welcome her as your own? 

Groom’s family: We will.

Officiant: Again, please remain standing. Family support is not a given. It is a genuine blessing, and a strong foundation. I would like our bride and groom to look upon that foundation right now. I also now invite anyone else here who has an investment of love and/or friendship in this happy couple–to stand with their families and to offer their own blessing, encouragement and promise of life-long support. You need only stand and let [Bride] and [Groom] hear you say: I will.

Everyone: I will. 

Officiant: Thank you. You may be seated.” 

Post # 9
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@thumpurr:  We skipped all that. I walked down the aisle myself. Even in my 20s, I would have refused to be “given away”

Post # 10
3432 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The idea that a woman is property to be given away is rightly going the way of the dodo (although not fast enough for my taste), regardless of the woman’s age.  You can just skip the whole discussion.

Post # 11
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@thumpurr:  My dad actually requested that we don’t use the term “give away” because he doesnt like the idea of letting me go! Kinda cute, right? But still, same dillemma as you. We’re thinking about “who presents this woman..” or something like that. 

Post # 13
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@thumpurr:  My parents are walking me to the start of the aisle, giving me a kiss and then heading to their seats.  My FI will come get me – both of us meeting half way 🙂  No giving away!!

Post # 14
40 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

Month twins we are!  Maybe your Dad is uncomfortable with giving you away, period.  Have you asked him if this is something wants to do, or did it just go without saying it was going to happen that way? The only reason I ask that is because of this:  “Well my dad actually wants us to go to JOP because he feels it is a waste of money for us to have a wedding at our age.”

My parents are both still alive and neither one of them are walking me down the aisle.  I am walking down with my FI.  We are going to meet at the end of the aisle and go up together.  

If this is something that is important to you, then maybe have a chat with your dad about why it means so much to you, regardless of what he thinks should happen.  If it’s not that important, then possibly find another way to imcorporate him into the ceremony.

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