- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
I’m terrible at this….
My FI’s brother asked him to be the best man in his wedding, and his brother’s fiancee (my FSIL) asked me to be a bridesmaid. She’s 21, FBIL is 22. I’m 30.
I don’t want to do it for a number of reasons. First of all, she’s very young…still in college in fact, and so are her other bridesmaids. Meanwhile I’ve been out of college for 9 years, own my own home, and have a full fledged career. FI’s sister is not a bridesmaid, although she just got married and has an 18 month old daughter (who will be the flower girl). But she will be the godmother of the wedding, and her husband the godfather. FI’s family is Dominican and FSIL’s family is Brazilian. In hispanic culture, weddings have godmothers and godfathers who play key roles, walk in the procession, sit in the front, read an excerpt, sit with the bridal party, and pay for something essential, like open bar. So she doesn’t have to go through the whole process of BM activities like I will. That’s even more of a bummer since her and I are close, and I don’t really know the other girls in the bridal party.
Not to mention I just got a promotion at work so that will be demanding, I’m taking THREE MBA classes this semester whereas I usually only take 2, AND I’m studying abroad in May in CHINA. On top of all that I will need to begin planning my own destination wedding which is in April of next year.
I tried to suck it up and participate for her and my FI’s sake (he wanted me to be a good sport), and thought about just telling her I can’t be too involved but I will still be in it. My FI is the best man for heaven sakes, and in hispanic culture they take family (even family-to-be) very seriously. If I’m not in it I will be the ONLY one from the immediate family circle who is not in the wedding. I’ll be sitting in the audience by myself! (Well, my mom will probably come).
However if I AM in it, I’ll feel very out of place, and stand out like a sore thumb. I am black, 30, and much thicker than the other ladies (not fat, but I have grown woman weight). I wear a size 8-10. They all look uniform together…young, petite (sizes 2-4), hispanic, pretty. And then there’s me. I’m taller, I tower over them, and my dress size will be at least 3 sizes bigger than theirs!!!
I feel I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.
I need to break it to her that I can’t be in it…been putting it off and trying to convince myself I can do it. I mean I’d like to do it as part of the family, but I’d really rather not deep down inside. Maybe she just felt obligated to ask me and doesn’t really want me in it? I feel bad that she’ll have to replace me with just 7 months to go, and that I’ll feel like an outsider not being in it. But I think I’ll thank myself later for not adding more stress to my life, and not being part of a wedding I’m not wholeheartedly into. I feel that to be a good BM, you have to truly want to be in the wedding, even close to the bride. And while I love her, I’m just not interested.
Oh yeah, the wedding is in July of this year. She just told me I’m a bridesmaid in December.
Sorry for rambling. Don’t know what to do!!!