Post # 1
I’ll just cut right to the chase, my dad died in July, I got married in May. This will be the first father’s day without him, the anniversary is coming up, and with all the emotion of the wedding just a few weeks ago, I really don’t want to go to my father in-law’s house to celebrate father’s day.
I kind of want to just stay home in my PJs and watch tv, cuddling with my puppies. Is this the kind of thing where I should just suck it up and go, or are my feelings valid in not wanting to do anything? Any opinions on it are appreciated,
Post # 3
Your feelings are very valid!
I would suggest doing something that has meaning about your relationship with your dad though. If you stay in, watch a movie you liked together. Go to a restaurant maybe with your FIL that your dad liked.
Post # 4
Your feels are definitely valid! Like PP said do something that has meaning. Although sometimes it is nice just to chill out and be alone for some you time. Your DH and his family should understand your situation and choice in this matter.
Sorry to hear about your dad.
Post # 5
I am in the same boat. My dad passed away unexpectedly this past February. There is still so much raw emotion that I have been dreading Father’s Day for the past couple months.
I’m considering staying home and wallowing in my own emotions but I’m pretty sure that isn’t the most healthy approach so I don’t have any advice for you.
I’ll be thinking about you on Sunday, though! *hugs*
Post # 6
@kmarie719: My grandfather who raised me (so he was the only dad I know) died in March and I completely agree that this father’s day just doesn’t feel the same. It will be the first time I don’t mail him a card and a gift and call him up to wish him a happy day. Is is the first father’s day that I don’t actually have a “father” and it is killing me.
Your feelings are completey validated and your aren’t alone. I am sorry you too are dealing with this and I hope that your PJS, comfort food and puppies can bring a little joy to the day. My thoughts are with you.
Post # 7
Thank you for the support everyone!
I think I will tell FI DH(!) tonight that I’m not that up to going and see what he says. If he really wants me to, I will it’s just not my first choice! Originally we were supposed to go over Saturday night, but now that it’s changed…it’s just different.
Post # 8
And I am also sorry for your losses to the bees in a similar position
Post # 9
My dad died in a car accident in July and DH’s dad passed away when he was 9, so on Father’s Day we’ll be going to both cemetaries and putting flowers and cards on their headstones, like we always do. But I totally understand not wanting to do anything or go anywhere… A friend’s party happens to be on the first anniversary of my dad’s death, so I’m considering not going. I wouldn’t do anything you don’t feel up to doing.
Post # 10
@kmarie719: I’m sorry for you. Not only are your feelings valid, I contend that your plan is completely appropriate. FIL is DH’s father, not yours. On Fathers’ Day, he can and should visit his father, while you spend FD remembering yours. Your husband should be able to say to his parents, “Kmarie is home mourning her father today”.
Stay home or do exactly what you want. (In fact, if you’re close to your mother, perhaps visit her instead).
DH’s mother died many years ago. Very often I visit my mother without him on Mothers’ Day.
Post # 11
yeah i wouldnt go either. I lost my father eight years ago ( i was 17) and at the time it was a couple days before fathers day. this year the anniversary falls right on it so i really dont feel like doing it. Or seeing fathers day every where or anything. a couple years ago my FI and I lost our dog (wasnt even a year yet) the day before the anniversary. so june has always felt like a bad luck month to me. Thats always been really hard for me. My FI brother’s birthday is always the day after so there are usually parties surrounding it.
I dont think your FI will mind at all or his family.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Completely valid feelings! I lost my mom almost four years ago and the first mother’s day after she passed I stayed at home and slept most of the day, It made it more bearable not being out in “the real world” bombarded with mothers day stuff. Even now, four years later DH understands that depending on how i’m feeling, sometimes I can handle celebrating with his mom and sometimes I need to be left by myself. You cannot feel guilty or selfish for feeling how you do and doing what is best for you emotionally.
Post # 13
@kmarie719: I think your FI would totally understand, as well as anyone else that you’re close to if that’s how you’d prefer to grieve for your first father’s day without Papa.
Many hugs, definitely a day to reflect on your late father, and get excited for future father’s day with your husgand. Take care of yourself and do anything you can to get through the day.