Don't want to find out sex, DH does… How can we compromise?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
4526 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My situation was different. I didnt want to find out AT ALL but DH wanted to know the instant it was medically possible, so my compromise was to both find out at our anatomy scan and not tell a soul until our Baby Shower.  It worked! 

Post # 3
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Well it sounds like he’s offered a few compromises, but they don’t work for you.  What would you be willing to compromise on?  Maybe you can go from there.

Post # 4
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Could you find out and keep it a secret between the two of you? You’d still get to surprise your friends and family, and buy gender neutral items.

Post # 7
Member
1948 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had a couple of friends that didn’t find out the baby’s gender and they didn’t feel the ‘surpise’ at birth – the fact they had a baby was much more of a ‘surprise’ to them!

Your memory was really great for you, so maybe you and DH can find out, but keep it a secret from everyone else.  That way there is still that special moment for your family that you remember so well.

I can understand your DH wanting a ‘jr’.  Maybe if it’s a boy, you could give the baby your DH’s name as a middle name?

Post # 8
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

ug, this would anoy me to no end. I hate jr names, I dont want to know the sex, and buying toys and keeping them in storage is just silly. There are so many other things to spend money on, and the toy trends and everything will change by the time your child is old enough to even use them. What about you two come up with a list of names – like 3 for boys, 3 girls and when the baby is born, he gets to pick from the list of names you both like. That way he still decides, but its not jr! 

Post # 9
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

wandering_gypsy:  Well it sounds like you’re willing to compromise on the next child, but not this one so hopefully he’ll be okay with that.  Without knowing what else is important to you both, besides the sex and the name, it’s hard to suggest compromises.  Would you allow him to name the baby something besides the one name you hate?  Or is there anything else you’d be willing to compromise on for this pregnancy?

Post # 10
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Didn’t you post this exact thing before? I swear I’ve read your exact OP, or one super similar. Don’t see the point in posting the same thing twice! Though there are other parents in this predicament. 

I don’t know how to compromise on this. I understand your DH because I also want to know. There’s no specific reason other than I don’t see the point in waiting. I’ll either be surprised by the sex at 20 weeks or surprised at 40 weeks when the baby comes.

I think the best option though is to have this baby be a surprise and the next one you find out. You make it seem that while you may have to try for a while for baby #2, it isn’t impossible, so I don’t know why your DH is so against it.

Post # 11
Member
4825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ok I didn’t read the whole thing because it was really long, but I would totally give in on finding out the sex to not make your baby a junior. Tell him the middle name can be his name. You’re going to be happy to find out the sex even if it wasn’t your plan, and it’s really not that big of a deal. The name is there forever…

Post # 14
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Can you have the technician tell only him and he keeps it to himself for the duration of the pregnancy?

Post # 15
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It sounds like DH is trying to manipulate you to get his way.. The fact that he is fine with *not* having the name be a “junior” as long as he gets to find out the sex shows he doesn’t really care about the name at all.. and is only using it as something to hold over your head in order to get what he wants.

As a compromise, I would suggest letting DH find out the sex at 8 months. With the short time frame left, he can keep the secret until the birth and still be able to buy some boy/girl things (and hide them from you in a closet or something). Then he can still announce the sex to you after the birth of the baby as you want. If he says he can’t keep the secret for even a month.. I think that is BS. He has to be willing to put in some effort too.

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