Post # 1
I got an invitation to a bridal shower in the mail last night and after reading it immediately thought how much I don’t want to go. But then I started feeling guilty about not going because I remember how excited I was about my shower and how sad I was about ever decline.
So here are the details of the sittuation. Tell me bees, am I just being selfish for not wanting to go? Should I suck it up and go?
I know the bride through my husband. She used to date one of his best friends. Now she is marrying someone else. While I really like her, and have a blast hanging out with her when we are together, (she’s part of the friend group on my DH’s side), I wouldn’t consider her a close friend. Nor have we ever hung out separate from the large group of friends or without our significant others, (well, her former boyfriend).
The bridal shower is 120 miles away and would probably take me 2+ hours to drive there and then 2+ hours to drive back.
I’ve already bought her a really nice wedding gift that we’ll be bringing to the wedding, (over $200).
She didn’t go to my shower. I don’t remember why and I’m not holding it against her at all. It just makes it slightly easier to say no I guess.
The main reason I feel so guilty is because she is such a lovely person and has always been so great to me and so genuinely excited for me in every respect. I also feel guilty because I’ll only be going to one day out of her three day bachelorette party. (for which I’m also driving 200 miles round trip).
So bees, would you go? would you feel bad turning down the shower invitation?
Post # 3
Hmm thats a tough one. My friends are spread out all over, so I probably would just go. 2 hours is a long ride, but it’s not terrible. It sounds like you really like her and might feel bad in the future about not going.
Post # 4
I would probably skip it–send a gift and a nice note. Tell her how excited you are for her, and how you wish you could attend, but it’s just too far right now. Reiterate how much you are looking forward to her wedding, and tell her you hope she has a wonderful shower!
If she’s as lovely and gracious as you say, she’ll completely understand!
Post # 6
I would go to one pre-wedding event, either the shower or the bachelorette. 4 hours of driving is quite a bit to do 3 different times (assuming you’ll drive that distance for the wedding as well).
Also, while she’s a friend, she’s not a close friend. If you were closer, I’d say go. But as it is, I think it’s reasonable to take a pass and send a nice card.
Post # 7
I think its fine to skip it.especially since yoy u are going to the bachelorette party.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t go just because it’s too far. Send a nice little girl and a card.
Post # 9
@cdncinnamongirl: Yes we’ll be driving that distance for the wedding and probably getting a hotel down there to spend the night.
Post # 11
Being invited to an event in no way obligates you to actually attend…and frankly, I don’t think I would drive 2 hours each way unless I was certain that a mimosa, massage and a man servant awaited me at this shower….that is a long way and if this woman, however nice she may be is only a few steps higher than a recurring acquaintance, she botched up by inviting you in the first place. Showers are traditionally the nearest and dearest of the bride and anything over 20 guests starts to look like an appetizer for the wedding, gift wise…skip the faux pas, call in sick, stressed, exhausted or in the middle of a tax audit, you don’t HAVE to do anything in this life.
Post # 12
I’d probably skip it. That’s a long way to go for a shower of someone you don’t really know and don’t want to go to…
Post # 13
I think it’s kind of odd that she invited you, to be honest. I would send a gift if you want, but you shouldn’t feel bad if you just decline.
It’s odd that she invited you to her three day bachelorette extravaganza as well. You all have never hung out alone but she’s inviting you to all these events?
Post # 14
@Nona99: @SapphireSun: @Neetch: Perhaps I characterized our relationship as more distant than it is. I do know her well and see her often. She’s just not someone I would call to hang out with on my own. All the wives/girlfriends of the group hang out together on occassion, (our husbands/boyfriends all went to college together). And we invite her to all our get togethers for all occassions. I invited her to my pre-wedding parties. I don’t think it’s weird that she invited me. I would have been kind of hurt if she didn’t. So I absolutely do not think that she invited me just to get a gift. And if the shower was closer, like even half way, I would totally go. It’s just so damn far! That’s why I feel so bad I think. It’s really just the distance that’s even making me think of not going. but 4 hours driving time on a weekend just for a shower? urgh
Post # 15
I had a similar situation this week with a baby shower. My former coworker who I love to pieces – but her house is 90 miles away.
I sent her a nice gift (yay online registries!) and thanked her for inviting me. She said she understood that it was just too far of a drive.
Post # 16
Don’t go. The drive alone would deter me, plus you shouldn’t go to parties that you don’t want to go to, it’s bad energy and you’ll be miserable. She’s not a close friend and you already bought a gift. Decline gracefully and mention how much you are looking forward to seeing her at the wedding, case closed.