(Closed) Don't want to go to this bridal shower. Am I being a brat?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I go to this shower?
    Yes go! She's a great person and you'll hurt her feeling if you don't. : (11 votes)
    9 %
    No don't go. She'll understand due to the distance. : (61 votes)
    53 %
    Don't go but send a gift. : (42 votes)
    36 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    Hmm thats a tough one. My friends are spread out all over, so I probably would just go. 2 hours is a long ride, but it’s not terrible. It sounds like you really like her and might feel bad in the future about not going.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1487 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I would probably skip it–send a gift and a nice note.  Tell her how excited you are for her, and how you wish you could attend, but it’s just too far right now.  Reiterate how much you are looking forward to her wedding, and tell her you hope she has a wonderful shower!

    If she’s as lovely and gracious as you say, she’ll completely understand!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3302 posts
    Sugar bee

    Skip it. Send a card!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1622 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would go to one pre-wedding event, either the shower or the bachelorette.  4 hours of driving is quite a bit to do 3 different times (assuming you’ll drive that distance for the wedding as well).

    Also, while she’s a friend, she’s not a close friend.  If you were closer, I’d say go.  But as it is, I think it’s reasonable to take a pass and send a nice card.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think its fine to skip it.especially since yoy u are going to the bachelorette party.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I wouldn’t go just because it’s too far. Send a nice little girl and a card.

    Post # 10
    Member
    381 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would go….

    Post # 11
    Member
    5969 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Being invited to an event in no way obligates you to actually attend…and frankly, I don’t think I would drive 2 hours each way unless I was certain that a mimosa, massage and a man servant awaited me at this shower….that is a long way and if this woman, however nice she may be is only a few steps higher than a recurring acquaintance, she botched up by inviting you in the first place.  Showers are traditionally the nearest and dearest of the bride and anything over 20 guests starts to look like an appetizer for the wedding, gift wise…skip the faux pas, call in sick, stressed, exhausted or in the middle of a tax audit, you don’t HAVE to do anything in this life.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9057 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’d probably skip it.  That’s a long way to go for a shower of someone you don’t really know and don’t want to go to…

    Post # 13
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think it’s kind of odd that she invited you, to be honest. I would send a gift if you want, but you shouldn’t feel bad if you just decline. 

    It’s odd that she invited you to her three day bachelorette extravaganza as well. You all have never hung out alone but she’s inviting you to all these events?

    Post # 15
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I had a similar situation this week with a baby shower.  My former coworker who I love to pieces – but her house is 90 miles away.

    I sent her a nice gift (yay online registries!) and thanked her for inviting me.  She said she understood that it was just too far of a drive.   

    Post # 16
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @Meowkers:  

    Don’t go. The drive alone would deter me, plus you shouldn’t go to parties that you don’t want to go to, it’s bad energy and you’ll be miserable. She’s not a close friend and you already bought a gift. Decline gracefully and mention how much you are looking forward to seeing her at the wedding, case closed.

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