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I would first check to see if you can start the program at the other school and transfer (or which classes they say you should take that would transfer). I'm sure that if they are similar they will transfer over.
Ugh, this is so difficult. I was also very against moving in with my (now husband) FI before we were married as well. I was in almost the same situation that you were in, and my very awesome brother and sister in law offered for me to live with them for 6 months. It definitely stunk having to move twice, but I moved most of my big stuff in with my guy, and just lived with my brother. It worked out so well for us.
But, you unfortunately don't have that option. I'm also assuming you don't have a friend in the area who might be able to help you out, right? In that case, my vote would be just to move into together. I know it's tough to swallow, especially b/c you don't believe in it for your religious background, but it's the most cost effective thing to do before your wedding.
I know it's not the best solution, but it sounds like it's the most logical at this point.
What about campus housing? If they have some you could do that for a semester. I don't know what the cost would be. Since me and my FI won't live together before the wedding I understand your concern. I would think that if you really need to move in together maybe you could stay in seperate rooms. That is what I would do if I was in your situation. Just my suggestion. I hope every thing works out.
I agree with 2peas suggestion, if that is an option for you.
I was the same way before I got married. I lived in an apt. and my least was up 3 months before the wedding. I could have paid month to month, but the rent would have gone up significantly, so I went ahead and moved in with him. When we went for pre-marital counseling, I was actually hesitant to tell the pastor about it, but he was very understanding. Most people realize that apartments aren't going to cut you any slack if you break a lease. I understand if you're not comfortable moving in together beforehand, and if it were a longer amt of time I wouldn't advise it BUT I also know that you can still refrain from "certain things" even if you live together for a short period of time ;)
Best of luck!
Could you maintain separate rooms or beds if that would help? Campus housing should be able to help you out....but it's not exactly cheap to live in a dorm nor eat their food. And they almost always require a food plan.
If anything, you could talk to the campus about roommates--a lot of people need a short term roommate and will take it as they need it. So you could live with another person for just a semester. Again, costs money and not ideal. I'd rather live with someone I know/trust and maintain bounds than a stranger. Or, if your religious feelings are that strong, you could stay where you are until December, THEN move.
Yep,
I already checked with the other program. By the end of this semester I will have earned 24 hours and they told me that they may not accept all of them (but they will accept at least 12). I guess I am afraid of wasting time and money on classes that may not count.
We don't know anyone out there. My FH only knows his co-workers.
How long would it take to finish your masters where you live? Is the program where you live better than the program for where you move?
Thanks ladies!
I was thinking about us being in separate rooms and trying to resist temptations. His lease will be up in a few months and we could move into our house and stay in diff rooms.
We haven't told our pastor (from our hometown) what has happened. He doesn't even know that he has moved. He wasn't supposed to be in that state. His job offer was for Texas and they changed it, now we are trying to line up things so we can make a smooth transition. **Sigh**
You could always ask your pastor what he thinks you should do...he may have some options for you. Or, he may give you advice on how to "live in sin" without, well, living in sin....Maybe there is another couple he knows of you coudl talk to about how to avoid temptation if/when you live together.
As long as each others' rooms are off-limits, that will really help.
@ejs: The programs are about the same. Will graduate in the Spring of 2011 from my current program. Our families, wedding planner (relative and church member), and I'm sure my pastor, all feel as though we should not have a long distance marriage in this situation.
They are all pretty old school.
Edit: Thanks Ejs! Great idea!
I know moving twice stinks, but that's what I did. I got a short term lease for 6 months (and I was also looking at sublets and even Extended Stay America) and then moved when we got married. There are options - just looks into them all, be patient, and pray that God would open up the doors!
Maybe you could look for someone who needs a semester long sublet. Lots of people have roommates who go study abroad or something, and need someone to fill a space for a few months. Then you wouldn't have to worry about a security deposit or furnishing more than a bedroom, and your rent would be fairly low. It's not ideal, but it's only for a few months...
Thanks ladies I really appreciate your input. Please pray that we make the best decision.
I will look into campus housing or subleting. Maybe there are apts that will work out a deal with me for the semester.
I live in a college town, and there are a ton of opportunities for short-term rentals, sublets, etc. I'd definitely look into that. I'm also near a large state university though, with a lot of turnover in rentals, so I don't know if the situation would be different for you. My FI and I are trying to find a new apartment that's long-term, non-student housing and it's been a struggle because everything out there right now is temporary. If you contact people at your school they may be able to help you find something for a few months.
I would second the suggestion of living together in different rooms if that's an option you're comfortable with.
I'm not engaged yet, so I'm not sure what my situation will be. But seeing as I want to start graduate school next Fall, I will most likely be faced with the same situation. I've decided that I'll probably rent out my condo for enough to pay the bills and my car note and move in with a friend who will let me squat. :)
If your reasons are for religious beliefs like you said, then I would say don't do it. I have some pretty strong religious beliefs and I know if I went against them, the guilt would be pretty serious. If you move in with your FI when you belive you shouldn't, that might cause some undue tension and temptation. I would check with a church in the area. I know in my church there is always posting of a room to rent or a roommate needed. I'm sure you could find something to accomodate your living arrangements until the wedding!
I think that you do have a few options. One to look into is sub-leasing from someone who will be studying abroad the first semester of school. You could move most of your stuff into the house where you will eventually live (furniture, off-season clothing, etc.) and just take the necessities. There is no need to sign a lease, just start posting on the campus housing boards and on CraigsList in that area to find a good situation.
(okay, someone has already said all of that)
But, let me just encourage you to not pre-defeat yourself by thinking, oh, this will be too hard and too expensive. Commit to the life you want, and make it happen.
Update: We are not moving in together. We found a house. I will live in the house and he will continue to live in the apartment that he already has. Everything is working out!
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but I may have too. FH got a job in another state and I am trying to switch schools for the fall semester so that I will remain on track to graduate with my masters (Some masters programs do not accept the same classes from other schools and I don't want to waste my time taking classes that they won't accept). If I move for the fall, I will be signing a lease and living there from Aug. to Dec. then moving in FH. That seems too expensive to do because that means I will be paying deposit and signing a lease that I have to break within a short period of time. Plus, I will be moving twice within 6 months.
I don't want to move in with FH before marriage because of religious reasons, but it seems like I can't afford not too. What can I do?