Post # 1
People give you lectures about waiting?
So help me God, if I EVER tell a waiting bee when I am an engaged-and-no-longer-waiting bee, that she should just be patient, PLEASE someone HIT ME!
Went to SO’s hometown for his aunt and uncle’s 40th wedding anniversary. Super fun to see everyone and celebrate with his family. I sat down at a table with SO’s cousin’s new bride. She and I chatted about work, life, houses, etc for awhile. When everyone else cleared the table she asked me about SO and I and if we were talking marriage.
Yeah, we’ve talked and looked at rings and stuff, I tell her. The conversation goes on and somehow morphs into something along the lines of, “You need to stop talking about it, quit pestering him, stop telling him what he should do, when he should do it, how he should do, blah blah blah.”
Um, I’m really not that bad. We talk engagement maybe 3 times a week. And the conversation is usually just teasing each other about it. We know that we want to marry each other, we know where and roughly when the wedding will take place and we know that he absolutely wants to surprise me. We also know that he loves making me wait almost as much as he loves me! It’s all in good fun, I rarely get actually frustrated with him about it. Usually I just act whiny and tell him what a poopface he’s being, I mean, who would actually take that seriously? Definitely not SO.
But anyway, this girl was totally up on a high horse about the waiting stuff, telling me that I should just chill out. Easy for her to say with that pave set one carat round brilliant sparkly on her finger!
Post # 3
Well w/ my ex-bf of 6 years, we constantly talked engagement, I pressured him a little bit w/ wedding talk – it eventually drove us apart. Everyone would constantly ask us about getting married – mind you we dated from 17-23, so we were still young.
w/ my FI, I never discussed marriage w/ him, not even in a teasing way. He mentioned it a few times, we talked about purchasing a house, having kids, etc. Almost a year into our relationship, he blurted out that he might not ever want to get married, have kids, or buy a house. I didn’t push the issue – I went away on a family trip and when I came back, he told me he realized that he did want marriage and a home with me. We purchased a home a year into the relationship – everyne constantly asked about marriage, but I said I was content w/ what we had. He propsed 6 months later – he was the one who pursued the ring shopping and the wedding talk, never me. I stated my intentions right off the bat and never talked in excess about the engagement which I think made all the difference – he was able to do it on his terms.
Post # 4
I understand what you mean. It’s tough to get that sympathetic, yet almost not talk. “Oh, it’ll happen someday… just hang in there… be happy for everyone else.” Wellllll… thanks. I know it’s going to happen someday, I’m hanging out just fine, and I am ecstatically happy for everyone else…. thanks.
Unsolicited advice in general irks me. Especially when it’s about something so personal. Like, for real people, you have no idea what kind of decisions we’re trying to make, money issues we have, career options we’re figuring out that we’re NOT sharing right now… so how about you not try to give advice, ok?
sigh… that feels better. 🙂
Post # 5
I know the feeling..I was around family the other day and everyone has strong opinions and were openly joking about when engagement is going to happen, that I’m too young I’m going to be 23 decent age I think..I know it isn’t going to happen soon and it is annoying to hear everyone say oh you should wait anyhow because you and SO are students (i’m finishing bachelors..he’s midway through masters). GRRR people need to keep opinions light hearted and just back off lol
Post # 6
I have a good one: the 6-month boyfriend of my best friend called me yesterday and told me that he wants me to help him “when the time comes sometime this year” because he wants to propose to her. Even though I do think it’s a little bit too soon for them because they don’t know each other well, I was actually ecstatic to hear that and genuinely excited and told him of course, I would help him choose a ring, plan the surprise, everything. Then he tells me he’s relieved to hear that because he thought I might feel bad because my girlfriend is going to get engaged before me even though I have been dating my bf for 2.5 years. I was like: what the f***? Where’s this coming from? This is not a competition! Then he says “come on, it’s obvious that you’ve been waiting for a ring for a while, and I’m worried about you because as a man I can tell you that when you want to be with a woman you just know it, like it happened to me… he’s dragging his feet too much, just make sure you’re not giving more than he gives you”, etc, ETC, ETC!!! I couldn’t believe my ears! I was livid!! Who is he to tell me this things or give me advice! Anyway, I tried to take the high road but still said some things I shouldn’t have like: “I would have never gotten engaged to someone I met 6 months ago, but if it works for you, that’s great!”… I regret that comment and some others because they came off like I was hurt and trying to hurt him back… Anyway, YES I DO HATE IT when people try to lecture you about how to handle the waiting!
Post # 7
I have the opposite experience with my boy’s family. They want me to pester him and tell him to propose to me. They have been asking since the first time (I’m not joking – the first time) they met me when we will get married. At that point we had only been together 3 months. Now we’ve been together almost two years and they ALWAYS tell me how wonderful I am and that he better put a ring on my finger soon. I nod and smile and tell them to tell him that (which they do). We haven’t told any of them we are currently in the process of picking/designing a ring. We want to be able to announce once we are officially engaged.
Post # 8
I’m with piglet! I hate unsolicited advice also. NO one asked your opinion, so no need to give it!
Just because someone is waiting, doesn’t mean they are badgering the man until he runs away. How do they know HE isn’t the one bringing wedding venues ideas to HER? Or that HE is the one showing HER rings?