'don't you want to wait longer for a better proposal?' – no!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
873 posts
Busy bee

I think I would just make sure it was clear what i wanted and how much sharing it with family over xmas means to me. Try not to nag or harp about it, just make it as clear as you can in one good conversation. After you have done that, you pretty much have to leave the subject alone and hope for the best i think , You don’t want to nag him into proposing sooner. As long as he clearly knows your wishes, it is his choice to listen or not.

Post # 5
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@peonyinlove:  I am dealing with this.  SO has already planned out the way he wants to propose, CRAZY!  I equate this to how I’ve dreamed about my wedding–he’s the guy who’s already dreamed out his proposal!! LOL!

I would be 100% okay with getting the ring on the couch, keeping it low key.  SO on the other hand has let me know that he has something in mind and he wants it done his way.  I’ve racked my brain for options…he said this early on in our relationship and it makes me think that since he grew/went to undergrad up north that it could be a # of places that he’s already taken me to visit and deemed as ‘special’ to him lol!!

I just figure that at least I have a guy who wants to do something special and put in the effort…..NOT that it matters to me, but if it matters to him, I can wait for the moment he wants us to remember for life.

Post # 6
70 posts
Worker bee

@peonyinlove:  I am sort of going through something similar.  SO and I are going to pick out a ring this Saturday.  He told me that he will not propose before we have the ring in our possession, which may not be for another 4-6 weeks.  I am also helping to contribute financially to this ring.

I told him that this is crazy. First, how could we buy a ring together and then not be engaged or how could not ask me right away after the ring is purchased even if we don’t have the ring yet?  Second, he told me that an engagement was “imminent” (his word) after he moved in on September 1.  He still hasn’t proposed, and I think that since both of our families are expecting this soon, it will be uncomfortable if it hasn’t happened by the holiday.

My plan this weekend is to reiterate to SO that I don’t need a ring to be engaged.  I just need him to propose.  Further, if we are keeping with our agreed timeline of getting married mid next year, we need to start moving forward.  And I am going to be honest that getting engaged before the holidays will mean smoother family relations.  This whole situation is making me worried that he is stalling because he is not sure he is ready (even though he is the one was talking about marriage before me).

I think you just need to be honest about your feelings.  If he has the ring, you are in your right to expect that it be on your finger in a timely fashion.  It is sort of cruel that is sitting in a drawer and he won’t give it to you until HE is ready.  In my opinion, marriage is a step you make together, not something you wait for the guy to be ready to do.  

You’ve got the ring so at least you are ahead of the game.  Just reiterate that a special proposal can be something small and simple.  Tell him that special doesn’t mean a big trip to Africa, special means an intimate moment between the two of you to make this wonderful decision together.

Hoping to take my own advice this weekend…

Post # 9
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@peonyinlove:  My proposal was special becuase it was just me and him. He did it on a day that meant nothing to either of us. It just seemed like as good of a time as any, and it was. Very low key. I didn’t even wash my hair or have makeup on that day. I looked like poo, but it was perfect.

I’d just let him do his thing. You have already told him that he doesn’t need to come up with something crazy, and that you just want to be engaged to him and be happy. He will end up doing what he wants. Iside, I think he is dying to propose and if he wants to bad enough he just will and it will be so special.

Post # 11
151 posts
Blushing bee

Yes my SO often says he just wants it to be really special etc and hes a VERY dramatic/romantic guy. I just try to tell him of course it will be special! There does not need to be helicopters or anything crazy!


In reality I’m thinking… GIMME DAT RING ALREADY, MAN!


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