Post # 1
My S/O and have the sort of relationship where we don’t have “rules” about things like opposite-sex friends, talking to exs, etc. That works out well for me because I don’t want to be restricted in who I can be friends with just because I’m in a relationship. And I should make it crystal clear that I in no way restrict him-I encourage him to have as full a social life as possible. He’s never done anything to make me feel insecure or doubt him.
The problem is in my own head. I can’t help thinking that I’m inherently more trustworthy in these situations and less suceptible to cheating simply because of my gender. I know that I could withstand even the greatest temptations, but I guess I worry that he wouldn’t if he were faced with serious temptation-that his other head would basically take over.
I don’t know where this thinking is coming from. My father never cheated even though he worked with mostly women and had many opportunities to. My brother has never cheated and as far as I know neither have my grandfathers or uncles. My closest male friends don’t cheat. Logically I know that statistics show that as many women cheat as men. I guess for me it’s all because of socialization.
Anyway, I hate having these thoughts. I don’t let them bleed into my relationship, but I still feel like a jerk when I have them. How do I get past it?
Post # 3
I’m pretty sure women cheat just as much as men do.
Post # 4
The percentage of women that cheat on their husbands isn’t much lower than the men. You have the ability to choose not to buy into stereotypes that men are inherently more likely to cheat because of their “second head”. Because it’s just not true. If you are definitely not going to cheat on him, then it isn’t likely that he’s going to cheat on you.
Also, in case you’re curious, Dr. Google says that the most common reason for men and women to cheat is because they aren’t sexually satisfied. NOT because they aren’t happy with the relationship otherwise. I.e. everything could be going great but you only have sex once a month. So if you have a great sex life, there’s even less of a reason to worry.
Post # 5
What’s interesting about the brain is that the more you think about something in a certain way, the more you believe that it is right. This is why we believe that someone who cheats is more likely to do it again, because they have been thinking about it as “right” and will continue to do so..if that makes sense.
Basically, by thinking about something over and over you create new neural pathways within the brain that make it “easier” to think that thing.
SO, what does that mean for you? Keep telling yourself that women cheat just as much, read stories online about women who cheat/have cheated, think about all the women you know who have cheated etc.
This will help your brain to think in a way that sees men and women as more equal in cheating.
Post # 6
@FutureMrsAJG: Our sex life is good…when we’re having it. We’re LD so we have long dry stretches (current one is seven months). I do worry sometimes that he’ll find someone closer to home.
@Everdeen: What you said about training your brain is fascinating! And actually although I luckily don’t know any cheaters personally, it seems that stories I hear in my circle all involve the woman cheating. Thanks for the suggestion.