Post # 1
I’ve just discovered that my cousin (F) had an engegagement party over the weekend and myself, my SO, my brother and his wife weren’t invited, yet our oldest brother, his wife and two girls were. This is my cousin’s 2nd engegagement, her first was roughly 8-9 years ago and she asked me to be a bridesmaid, however she ended the engagement, so the wedding never happened, but I also thought we were still close. My Aunty, who is also my god mother, hosted the engagement party for my cousin, so I’m a little taken aback about not being invited. Oh I found out about the party because my Aunty posted it on FB thanking everyone who came and helped out.
Especially considering how much of a fuss I KNOW she’d give me if I weren’t to invite them to our engagement party (if we have one) or wedding. I know she also gave my brother (the one who also wasn’t invited) a lot of grief when he had his wedding almsot two years ago out of state because it was “inconvenient” for her and her family. To the point where she suggested they change the venue, even after it was booked and paid for. Then suggested that my brother and SIL organise the accommodation for her family and help pay for it. SIL helped them find a hotel, which was suggested IN THEIR invites, but this wasn’t good enough.
If I’m being honest, I’d only invite them to our wedding events out of obligation, but I now feel like this is such a double standard. I’m expected to invite them, but yet I should be perfectly ok that I wasn’t invited to their events? SO (who will be proposing by the end of year (YYAY!)) and I will more than likely be paying for our own wedding, so budgeting is a must. Now, if I were to follow their suit and not invite them, it would shave 10 people off our invite list, which at $100+ per person (the average for our area) is a lot of money.
I know if I don’t invite them, I’m going to get a lot of backlash, but they’ve kind of set the precedent, haven’t they?!? Argh, I hate double standards.. What would you guys do?
Post # 3
I’m currently dealing with backlash about not inviting certain family members that never make it out for events unless they feel like it at the time/ never invite us to their events. I gave in on one of the people who didn’t get an invitation because my mother was getting yelled at about it (when I’m not around), and he responded with “I was going to come anyway”. (yeah… how rude can you get?)
As of then I learned that inviting people out of obligation is a bad idea, because they don’t really care about your event anyway. They just want free dinner with the other people they know/are closer to.
I don’t recommend deciding not to invite them out of spite, but if they’re truly obligation invites only then they aren’t worth having there.
Post # 4
@krayzay87: Is it possible that you live far away and they didn’t want to bother out-of-town people with invites? We didn’t invite OOT cousins to our engagement party, because we knew they wouldn’t come and didn’t want to make them feel like they should.
Or: are you close to your older brother? Perhaps he knows why only he was invited?
Or conceivably, they forgot to invite you. Be careful not to read too much into a single non-invite.
If they don’t invite you to their wedding, feel free to not invite them to yours. But it is possible they will still invite you to their wedding. So wait and see what happens with the wedding. Weddings and e-parties are not the same thing.
Post # 5
@paula1248: nope, we only live about an hour away. They are closer with my oldest brother than with myself and other brother, but they always lecture us about family being the most important thing and that we should invite family to things before our friends etc…
@M72727: I’m worried that it would come off as spite, but in all hoensty they would only be invited out of obligation. We don’t want a huge wedding, we want to save for a bigger house. So any cost cutting would be jumped at tbh.
Post # 6
@krayzay87: Personally I would be leaning towards not inviting them. Presumably though your cousin’s wedding invitations will be sent out before your invitations (as you’ve said you’re not engaged yet) so that might be another way to confirm to you whether you invite them or not. Wait and see if you receive one I guess!
I’m one that doesn’t feel obligation to invite cousins I don’t see or am not close too though. Out of the nearly 20 first cousins on my mum’s side along I am inviting one.