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I would offer to pay her for the dress if she will give it to you. If she will not give you the dress, do not pay her for the dress.
I would offer to refund her the money she paid for the bachelorette party..
I would not ask for the money for the gift card for her hair back..
if you want the dress you give her the money spent on it
if she paid for the b-party you refund it to her
you also ask her for the gift card back but i wouldnt hold your breath
btw, what is your brothers response? did he break up with her because otherwise is she going to be there as his guest?
yikes....
Gosh... what a difficult situation!
I'm no expert, but my gut reaction says 'pay for the dress (and take it back from her), pay for the party, let write the gift card off as a loss, and run far far away.' seems like paying her to get outta your life, but she seems ... worth it. hehee...
Seriously, I'd say the stress level associated with dealing with her is going to be worth more than whatever financial amount it takes to essentially 'buy her' out of your life as quickly as possible.
If she, when not intoxicated, is even a little understanding about the situation, you could ask her to return the gift card (since she likely won't use it for anything else at the salon, right?), but $65 in the grand scheme of things isn't THAT much if she throws a fit about it. Certainly doesn't seem worth dealing with her over.
I appreciate your response...
Do you believe i should refund her the money for the bachelorette party even if we have made all our reservations and split it evenly and they are paid for without an option for a refund?
Am I'm curious why you dont think i should ask for the gift card back....
=)
Yikes, I have to assume that she and your brother are no longer dating after all this stuff happened? I think if I were in that situation, I'd probably do whatever was easiest to deal with. I think I'd probably offer to reimburse her for the dress (and/or the Bachelorette party) in return for her not being involved anymore and giving you the dress back. Although, honestly, if you think she's going to freak out if you ask her for the money, at this point, I'd probably just let it go. If it were me, I'd want to deal with her as little as possible, so if you didn't get the money back or the other BM dress, oh well.
I think you can certainly ask for the dress (and give her the money she paid for it), but don't be surprised if she doesn't agree to it.
I'd also call on the auspices of wanting to give her back the money for the bachelorette - and then talk about the dress from there.
Don't ask for the gift card back.
I hear all your views...
In the grand scheme I honestly do not have the $400 right now to pay her back.. because its not like i can be refunded from the places i have already spent the $.
She will not be a guest as my brother has no choice but to not include her in any way shape or form...
Alcohol is no excuse for hitting people and driving. Nonetheless.. If she was to ruin the dress... do i tell her then take me to court... She IS that type of person.
Even if the reservations were split evenly without an option for a refund.. I would pay her the money she paid for it. Otherwise she has every right to come to your B party, she did pay for it! So if you are asking her not to come, it's only right she be refunded.
I said not to ask for the gift card back because it would be a pain in the butt.. I would rather be out a gift card then deal with it.
If she paid for the dress, then the dress is hers. Forget about refunding her for that, then.
If she paid to be part of the bachelorette, you definitely need to refund her the money ASAP - especially if she's 'that' type of person.
Makes sense...
I hear what you are saying about asking her not to come to the bachelorette party.. but someone who is going to be drinking yet again at a party and has physically injured another bridesmaid who wishes to not be near her... i have to sacrafice my own pocket for her stupidity?
btw i am not arguing with you guys.. just trying to get a clearer sense of all this.. thanks!!! =)
It's her dress until you pay for it, so no, you can't take her to court if she ruins it. You can't ask for the gift card back, because it's rude. Don't stoop to her level. Also, as far as the b-party goes, if she doesn't go, she deserves her money back. If you can't pay her back, she is entitled to go. Since I'm sure she doesn't want to go anymore then you want her to, let her know that you will pay her back asap.
Maybe the other bridesmaids can help pitch in the difference so it isn't so much of a financial strain? I think paying her back for the B party is your only reasonable option
btw, you sound like your brother and her havent broken up over this.. yikes, this can get uncomfortable so goodluck
@Eloping... it looks like she says in the OP that the GF is now the xGF, so there's a little less potential for drama, lucky for everyone!
Yikes. Definitely one of the few reasons it's ok to kick a BM out, sorry you're going through this. And I hope your sister is ok. Since she bought the dress, it's hers. You can buy it from her, but she can also say no. Bachelorette... she did technically buy into the party, so unless she gets her money back, she's kind of entitled to be there. You don't want that. Ignore the gift cards, or say that they're part of her bachelorette reimbursement :)
"nore the gift cards, or say that they're part of her bachelorette reimbursement " oh nice catch there! i didnt think of that :)
They HAVE broken up.. after 2 years of dating whos to say they won't make up over the next few months.. that i don't know.
Johnsbride - i like the idea of the gift card bein part of her reimbursement.. anything that can save me $. Honestly the stress and drama isn't needed.
she has not contacted me personally for anything.. her mother did text my brother asking for the money, which is completely inappropriate.
My thought with not asking for the gift card back was simply that she doesn't seem likely to give it without a fight - and I don't think she sounds worth fighting with.
Do you have someone else who would fit into her dress who you want to be your new bridesmaid? If so, see if she'll sell you back the dress (and if she's feeling generous, return the gift card) to let the replacement BM wear. If NOT, cut your loses - it's her own fault for getting kicked out.
Sorry if this seems/is contradictory to my earlier comment; I think I misunderstood and thought you NEEDED the dress back.
My main thought is that you should separate as far from her as quickly as possible, at whatever cost. $400 maybe be a dent in the budget, but I still think it's worth more than the stress of fighting with her over whatEVER immature stuff she might try to pull if she feels she's entitled to the money. It sucks to be stuck paying to make stress go away, but ... it might be worth it.
I really dont think you're going to get anything out of this girl. Shee's not going to be nice and play cordial and be all "oh sure, here's your GC back and here is the dress, too!" she'll probably keep it and go "Bah! Screw you!" cuz she sounds like that kinda girl.
I think it's worth a shot to see if you can buy the dress back from her (minus the GC from the salon, add in the reimbursement for the bach party because it's the only RIGHT thing to do--two wrongs don't make a right) and call it even and WALK AWAY VERY QUICKLY.
Call the hotel/reservations places and have it all transferred to someone else.
I think youll have to cut your loss here. You're not going to end up winning with the aforementioned tactic--I really just don't believe she'll be like, "oh yes, here is the dress, salon gc, etc, sorry i'm a crazy bia" because although she may want HER money back, she may also like that it puts you in a bind. Try the whole "look, if you want any money back since your'e not in the wedding anymore, I'm willing to offer you X for the dress" and play it like SHE would be out all that money if she didn't take up your gracious offer. If she says "no, screw you" then you're SOL and just leave her the heck alone! Plus, she may call and cancel all those reservations (i would) so uh, I'd look into that. She wouldn't pay it if it ended up on her card
Sorry- can I ask a seperate question? Are you wanting the dress so you can ask somebody last minute to replace her?
I wouldn't want to be left out of a bridal party and then be asked as second place. If you wanted me to be a BM, you should have asked me first off, and not let me be somebody to make up numbers or as a second best.
Are you sure that whoever you will ask won't see it the same way.
JoeyEmma - A close friend of my sisters who I have also gotten very close to over the past few years (even attended her wedding) was there the night all this crap happened. She stepped forward and has contacted me and my sister asking if there is anything she can do. She has approached me with loving to take the position if need be.
I would feel honored to have this person take the position. I also would feel that i am granting her a wish. (This person has taken part in my bridal shower, and has already been invited as a guest at the bachelor party, it wouldn't be a random girl, i wouldn't want that)
Her younger and only sister has currently been taken off her last doses of chemo and they are awaiting her passing due to brain cancer. She mentioned before this all happened how she will never be in someone's wedding that makes her feel like family. I think it would be a happy moment for all.
I have gotten word that the EX does plan on complying with all that i have asked for.. I guess we shall see!
Technically the dress is hers... so you can ask to pay her to t ake it off her hands. I would say that she should not attend the bach party - but keep in mind she will likely demand her money back.
Your gift was a gift so chances are she wont give it back. But you can ask if you feel entitled to it!
This girl sounds banana nuts.
You could offer to buy the dress off of her, but don't ask for it for free.
I'd give her the money back from the bach party.
Unfortunately, I don't think you should ask for the gift card back.
Sorry you're in such a sucky and sticky situation. :(
The gift card was just that: a gift. You aren't entitled to it back. Think of all the tv court shows where people have sued for the return of an item given as a gift. They're SOL.
As to the dress and the bachelorette party, I would offer to give her back the money for both with the condition she return the dress in useable condition. Hopefully once she's sober she'll agree it's best for all involved.
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To make a long story short...
my brother's girlfriend who is/was one of my bridesmaids decided that all 5 feet, 110 lbs of her was going to turn into Rocky Balboa this past weekend. She caused a scene at 2am at my sister's house which turned into her hitting my sister in the face and another person at the party after we tried to obtain her car keys because she so intoxicated and screaming at the top of her lungs.
She proceeded to scream and wake up my 3 young neices and have all the neighbors come outside. The cops were then called after a member of the family drove her home and she decided to drive back to my sisters while heavily intoxicated. She took off again once she knew the cops were coming and since my brother and her have broken up.
I do not want this girl involved with my wedding at all whatsoever.
So my question is: If she paid for the dress, can I ask for the dress back in order to find a replacement?
If she paid for the bachelorette party that is going to be Oct. 10th, does she have a right to her money?
She is the reason she is out of the wedding. If she didnt hit anyone and cause a scene she'd still be part of it... any suggestions??
Plus i already gave my bridesmaids their gifts which were $65 gift card for their hair for the day of the wedding.. am i entitled to that back??