Wow, what a weekend! My guy went to Vegas for his batchlor party, I thought it would be cleaver to have my bridal shower the same weekend, keep "things" off my mind! It was this last Saturday, and as I have posted in previous posts, my mom is health wise not doing too good, she has a torn hernia and is waiting to be fit in for surgery. She and my future mother in law were to throw the shower and it has been in the works for months! Well, my mom had to pass her duties to my sister who is my matron of honor, so most of her worries was some preparing of food. Ok, so my mother in law, was going to be at his aunts house (where we had the shower) early to get set up, the shower began at 2pm, and we were going to get there an hour early to set up the food. As soon as we get to the house, I see my mother-in-law taking things out of the trunk, already looking stressed! I guess she had just gotten there herself, had NOTHING ready, and didn't even say hi, just litarley started naming off jobs for me and the girls that were with me to do. I mean, NOTHING was done!! She wanted someone to iron a tablecloth, arrange the flowers, which had thorns, and were scattered all over the dining room table,,,set up dishes put food into containers and decorate. Just some of the stuff,,,Ok, I was supposed to be the guest of honor,,but didn't mind helping, because I was so embarrassed in front of my friends that my mother in law was being so crazy! I had a girlfriend ask me who is this lady?!? I told her it was my man's mom, and she was freaking out! I set up everything with the help of some of my friends. Then I notice all the food that is on the table, I can't eat any of it!! I can't have any dairy and everything had cream cheese, cheese, sourcream, seafood (which I don't eat) I was a little upset because I had told both my sister and mom-in-law that I can't eat anything like that,,no one listened. Then to top it off, my mom in law brought her two old poodles, and had left the front door open, and all of a sudden starts screaming at the top of her lungs "Muffy!! She's gone!! Muffy!" OMG,,she looked like she was insane, running out the door across the street screaming! One of the dogs ran off, (I told her coming in, we should close the door because of the dogs, she said that they were fine, wouldn't go anywhere...um hmm.." All my friends were tripping out on her, just like me! My sis saw I was getting upset, and snatched me away excusing ourselvs that we had to go buy toliet paper for a game,,,we drove a couple of blocks to the store, and I begged her to buy me little bottles of tequila to sedate me somewhat from the craziness I was going to have to endure!! She totally helped and got me little shots that I chugged in the car coming back. I'm not an alchoholic whatsoever,,,but I thought I might be by the end of the day. My mother and her sisters finally showed, but all of them were expecting to be catered to, my mom in law found the dog, but was never around any of the guests to meet them! While people were outside eating ( the weather was nice! One good thing!!) she was curling ribbon and throwing it around the tables,,,I tried to get her to stop and be with us, but she was out of it! I can't explain it! I know she loves me, and she tries so hard to please me, but she gets so flustered and nervous? I don't know. I didn't want to tell my man about how is mom was a physcho at the shower, but she was supposed to be in charge of our Rehearsal dinner!! After Saturday, I absolutley knew that would not be happening. I also didn't want him to be mean and say something to her that might hurt her feelings. Finally the party ended, and we were packing up, and we were going to take the flowers, and leftovers, because we were having an after party later at a girlfriends house. Well, my mother in law gave everything to my aunt, because "she's going to be having a party tomorrow, so lets just leave everything for her!" I did my own flower arangements, and wasn't able to keep them...flash forward and that night I made sure I drank a few!! I didn't want everyone to think my feeling were hurt, I'm not even mentioning that my sister, was very snarky to me all weekend, making fun of me, or every gift I recieved announcing "I already have that!!" (She just got married in June, I was her maid of honor) My sis is very bossy and would ask me why I was being so "bitchy" and not being a good host when she asked, wait told me to do something for her. Like find some jewlery, or iron,,,- My other sister showed up 2 1/2 hours late, didn't even say sorry, (she is always late) - I felt like the people closest to me didn't care, and I can't help but think about the wedding in a few weeks! I picked up my guy on Sunday, very hung over, and eventually spilled everything to him, he was a little concerned why I was so hung over , but I told him, once you hear how my weekend was, you will know why!! He was very upset at his mother and wanted to call her,,I convinced him not to, it wouldn't change anything, and that I know she ment well. We should learn from it and know her limits, not to stress her out. I was such a mess last night, crying, just feeling so overwhelmed. My guy is so good to me, assuring me that he will always be here for me, and I can always depend on him, that he is my best friend. I'm still really sad and can't help but my feelings to be hurt. But I won't go advertising that, just put my smile on and know that I will be with the love of my life and that's all that matters.
Sorry, dani- it's really hard to read such a long post with no paragraph breaks. I think I made it a few lines in before I got lost... breaking it up a bit might get you more responses?
I am sorry to hear about you shower. I think sometiems people do know enough or haven't been to enough bridal shower to know how to throw one. And family often loses sight of the big picture. It sounds like you have a great guy though and your relationship is extremely supportive.
I'm sorry you had this experience. Quite frankly I would be more concerned with the behavior of your sisters than your FMIL. It is obvious that FMIL's actions were simply caused by trying to do something nice for you, but sister #1 is acting like a petulant jealous baby and sister #2 just didn't have enough consideration to be on time. I don't wish to disparage your family at all, but I do encourage you to take a long, hard look at this dynamic before placing the blame of stress on the wrong person.
I agree with MrsDavis. I read through it, mostly, though.
FMIL: I think you might wish to ask your FMIL what help she'll need to have the rehearsal dinner run smoothly (or have your fiance ask her). "Spin" your question into concern: indicate you are worried she didn't enjoy herself at the shower, so you want her to be able to enjoy herself at the dinner. Then offer your assistance so the dinner runs smoothly and FMIL can enjoy herself. If you / your fiance can't do this, then there's not much else you can do (unless you highjack the rehearsal dinner, which would not be good).
Your sister: Could you nicely ask why she was so late and unable to assist with the shower? Are you close enough to ask this without causing offense? If you are close, maybe you should speak to her about how it made you feel when she commented on your gifts, saying she already had them. She may not realize how her comments sounded! Also, you may wish to ask your sister if she wishes a bridesmaid to assist her with her MOH roles. Cite concern that she was unable to help at the shower because she was running behind, so you want her to not be stressed before/during the wedding. Then, you'll have to have a bridesmaid who is willing to step up and help. I think most good friends would do that!
Your mom: Was she late due to health reasons? If so, fine. If not, why was she so late? You could tell her that it hurt you that she was unable to arrive on time at your shower. Is your mom chronically late? If this is the way your mom usually is, then maybe you can't rely on her assistance in the future wedding plans. You'll have to delegate duties she would normally do, or that she has already offered to do, to other folks.
Just be calm and rehearse what you're going to say, if you do decide to approach these family / future family members. You don't want to cause offense. You want to offer your assistance out of concern that they won't be able to enjoy themselves. Don't drink before you confront anyone! It won't help.
I believe in honesty, so if it were my sister or mom or FMIL, I'd probably say something. Try to be extra polite and considerate, because they may not have realized their actions hurt you. And, if a friend, my mom, etc, were to say it to me, I'd consider what they say. But you have to consider how YOUR family would react.
I think that I'd have your fiance talk to his mother, especially if she is supposed to be planning or setting up something wedding related in the future. Be gentle, but see what can be done to make things run smoother, and let her know that you appreciate the help.
Sorry about the long story,,and for those of you who care so much about paragraphs,,,,whatever, its called being passionate wrighting, I could really care less about grammer and correct spacing! If you don't want to read, don't. I'm still tramatized about the whole thing, especially my sisters. I'm thinking of asking my little sister (the one who was 2 1/2 hours late to my shower) if maybe she would be comfortable attending as a guest. I cannot handle her tardiness at my wedding. It shows arragance and lack of respect. She has been late to EVERYTHING, always.
My FI is very concerened his mom is going insane, seriously. She called yesterday to ask if the wedding is outside,,,we've been planning over a year, she knows its outside at a vineyard. My mom called yesterday to see how my friends and I liked the shower,,I havn't called her back. I'm just going to be polite, but for sure mention the fact about my sisters! So thats an update,,,and look! I did paragraphs!! Aren't you proud!
I am going to start off by telling you that snapping back at people trying to help you here is not really the way to go. You posted for advice/venting, and they are simply telling you its hard to read one really long sentence. Clearly you are a little more than stressed. Which makes me wonder how you yourself can handle stress? Now, as for your FMIL, keep in mind that everything was thrown at her. She offered to help, not be in charge of the entire thing. Knowing how hard shower planning is, you should cut her a break. SHe did the best she could do, alone. If you were unable to eat certain foods, your FI should have told her that. SHe probably made what she knew how to make. Yes, maybe she gets a little stressed being in charge of things, so what? A lot of people do. Tell her you appreciate all her work. As for everyone else, unfortunately life gets in the way. Your mom is ill, which I presume is unexpected. Its not like she did it on purpose. Your sisters sound rather selfish, but sometimes sisters are like that. I can't imagine they acted any differently than they normally do? Tell those two how you feel, but don't freak out on them. So yes, your shower could have gone better. But, honestly, you are lucky you had one. Not everyone gets one. As for the leftover food/flowers and stuff, if the aunt hosted the party, she should get the stuff, in my opinion. I think you should take a step back, breathe, look at the whole picture, and appreciate what you did have. And, yes, offer some help to the FMIL for the next event.
honestly, it sounds like you and your family all need to be medicated or something. whats done is done, you cant do anything about it so why are you stressing. Your sisters are selfish and jealous -- did you perhaps act the same way at their wedding causing them to want to retaliate? You need to just put this behind you, offer to help FMIL with the rehearsal dinner, and look forward to your wedding and life with your husband
And to add to the advice from the ladies above, I'd suggest learning how to deal with adversities with grace and poise, not knocking back shots of tequila at the first sign things aren't going your way.
I think MrsDavis has a great point. Not everyone in our lives has the same expectations for wedding events as we do, or really even understands how to host a proper shower. At 27, I can only say I have general ideas about how to host one, which are easily different from yours, MrsDavis', etc. Your FMIL was probably not clear on what to do and had the stress of being asked to take over last minute. If anything, I am sure she will be more prepared for the rehearsal because she has had more time to plan. If you are worried about how she will handle it, you can always kindly offer to help her with related tasks. You will look like an angel for offering and she will be better able to host the kind of event you are dreaming of.
I am not sure where to start with your relationship with your sisters, but if those relationships are important to you, you may want to have a heart to heart with them about their behavior. It always helps to speak in "I" statements (e.g. I felt hurt when you were late because I felt like my party was not important to you) than to place blame on people.
Finally, The point of this board is not to criticize one another, but to help one another, so I will keep this brief; this goes for the poster as well as for the responders. If you post on the board, you need to expect that you may not like every answer that you hear, but it is up to everyone involved to be kind.
Good luck, and at the end of the day, no matter what has happened in the past, you have a lifetime of new memories to make with your wonderful hubby-to-be.
Hey guys... let's stay focused on the topic at hand, and away from personal attacks or snarkiness. Otherwise, we'll have to close out comments on this thread...
I think that the best way to deal with a wedding is to not expect much from anyone - this sounds crazy, but I feel like we have crazy high expetctaions and you can't/should not expect others to have those too.
ignore your family issues from now till the wedding ,if they arrive late, start the wedding without them. SERIOULSY! If you warn them about being late before hand they will just call you a bridezilla, BUT if you start the wedding without them it will embarrass them because EVRYONE will see their tardiness! Yay! for embarrassing tardy people!
to the rest: Knowing that this person was so upset and pointing out paragraphs to her---tacky --that stuff only happens on the knot--dont make this the knot!...if you had a wedding crisis im sure you might forget a return here and there!
As a girl with a couple of less than dependable family member (my dad is bi-polar and my mil is disabled. Sometimes she can get around and sometimes she can't), I can tell you that the best thing I ever did for myself and my sanity was creating back up plans. For instance, due to my brother/bridal escort having freaking 5 point racing seat belts in his car, I couldn't image trying to ride to the facility in his car with my dress. So, I asked my dad hoping that it would help him feel included. But since I knew he has a tendency to flake (being the daughter of a diagnosed bi-polar isn't easy!) I had my mom and a couple of my friends who would be at the house on alert so that I could ride with one of them if something happened.
My MIL was planning on overseeing the set up and break down of the facility. She wasn't feeling well the day before and was stressed from having family staying with her (stress doesn't help her disability), we decided at the rehearsal dinner that my friend who was already planning to do some day of coordination for us would take over (which was something I'd already had in the back of my mind).
My best advise, don't soley depend on someone who has been undependable in the past. Try everything you can to set youself and those around you up for success. I'm not saying don't give them responsabilities, just have someone ready to pick up the slack if need be. I'd confide in some of your close friends and let them know that you need them to be on alert at the rehearsal and wedding in case you need them. And keep them updated on the plans so that if they need to step in and help they have an idea of what is going on.
Deedee-I believe that everybody was trying to help, but suggesting that she's get MORE help if she didn't just ramble on in one large paragraph. Then she pointed out that she didn't need any help by biting everybody's head off. If you want people to answer you, it's just common to make it so that they can read what you write. I really don't consider a scattered FMIL to be a wedding crisis. That would be something like your venue burning down!
Everyone needs to calm down. Criticizing each other's grammar is not why we're on the boards. I'm sure all of us let our weaknesses show when we're severely stressed. Stop being mean!
Yeah, you guys need to chill about the paragraph stuff. Messageboards aren't a place to criticize others' grammar. And yes, it's all about marrying the man you love, but if that's *all* it was about, we'd all be eloping instead of DIYing big parties. Right?
Dani, it sounds like you're learning a lot about how certain famiily members deal with stress and being emotionally overwhelmed. Some seem less dependable than others, unfortunately. I think it's good you're figuring out who's going to be most helpful as you get into crunch time. That way, you're not depending on your sister or FMIL to do anything too important for you on your wedding day, you know?
Good luck, and I'm sorry things have been such a pain in the a$$!
Wow, what a weekend! My guy went to Vegas for his batchlor party, I thought it would be cleaver to have my bridal shower the same weekend, keep "things" off my mind! It was this last Saturday, and as I have posted in previous posts, my mom is health wise not doing too good, she has a torn hernia and is waiting to be fit in for surgery. She and my future mother in law were to throw the shower and it has been in the works for months! Well, my mom had to pass her duties to my sister who is my matron of honor, so most of her worries was some preparing of food. Ok, so my mother in law, was going to be at his aunts house (where we had the shower) early to get set up, the shower began at 2pm, and we were going to get there an hour early to set up the food. As soon as we get to the house, I see my mother-in-law taking things out of the trunk, already looking stressed! I guess she had just gotten there herself, had NOTHING ready, and didn't even say hi, just litarley started naming off jobs for me and the girls that were with me to do. I mean, NOTHING was done!! She wanted someone to iron a tablecloth, arrange the flowers, which had thorns, and were scattered all over the dining room table,,,set up dishes put food into containers and decorate. Just some of the stuff,,,Ok, I was supposed to be the guest of honor,,but didn't mind helping, because I was so embarrassed in front of my friends that my mother in law was being so crazy! I had a girlfriend ask me who is this lady?!? I told her it was my man's mom, and she was freaking out! I set up everything with the help of some of my friends. Then I notice all the food that is on the table, I can't eat any of it!! I can't have any dairy and everything had cream cheese, cheese, sourcream, seafood (which I don't eat) I was a little upset because I had told both my sister and mom-in-law that I can't eat anything like that,,no one listened. Then to top it off, my mom in law brought her two old poodles, and had left the front door open, and all of a sudden starts screaming at the top of her lungs "Muffy!! She's gone!! Muffy!" OMG,,she looked like she was insane, running out the door across the street screaming! One of the dogs ran off, (I told her coming in, we should close the door because of the dogs, she said that they were fine, wouldn't go anywhere...um hmm.." All my friends were tripping out on her, just like me! My sis saw I was getting upset, and snatched me away excusing ourselvs that we had to go buy toliet paper for a game,,,we drove a couple of blocks to the store, and I begged her to buy me little bottles of tequila to sedate me somewhat from the craziness I was going to have to endure!! She totally helped and got me little shots that I chugged in the car coming back. I'm not an alchoholic whatsoever,,,but I thought I might be by the end of the day. My mother and her sisters finally showed, but all of them were expecting to be catered to, my mom in law found the dog, but was never around any of the guests to meet them! While people were outside eating ( the weather was nice! One good thing!!) she was curling ribbon and throwing it around the tables,,,I tried to get her to stop and be with us, but she was out of it! I can't explain it! I know she loves me, and she tries so hard to please me, but she gets so flustered and nervous? I don't know. I didn't want to tell my man about how is mom was a physcho at the shower, but she was supposed to be in charge of our Rehearsal dinner!! After Saturday, I absolutley knew that would not be happening. I also didn't want him to be mean and say something to her that might hurt her feelings. Finally the party ended, and we were packing up, and we were going to take the flowers, and leftovers, because we were having an after party later at a girlfriends house. Well, my mother in law gave everything to my aunt, because "she's going to be having a party tomorrow, so lets just leave everything for her!" I did my own flower arangements, and wasn't able to keep them...flash forward and that night I made sure I drank a few!! I didn't want everyone to think my feeling were hurt, I'm not even mentioning that my sister, was very snarky to me all weekend, making fun of me, or every gift I recieved announcing "I already have that!!" (She just got married in June, I was her maid of honor) My sis is very bossy and would ask me why I was being so "bitchy" and not being a good host when she asked, wait told me to do something for her. Like find some jewlery, or iron,,,- My other sister showed up 2 1/2 hours late, didn't even say sorry, (she is always late) - I felt like the people closest to me didn't care, and I can't help but think about the wedding in a few weeks! I picked up my guy on Sunday, very hung over, and eventually spilled everything to him, he was a little concerned why I was so hung over , but I told him, once you hear how my weekend was, you will know why!! He was very upset at his mother and wanted to call her,,I convinced him not to, it wouldn't change anything, and that I know she ment well. We should learn from it and know her limits, not to stress her out. I was such a mess last night, crying, just feeling so overwhelmed. My guy is so good to me, assuring me that he will always be here for me, and I can always depend on him, that he is my best friend. I'm still really sad and can't help but my feelings to be hurt. But I won't go advertising that, just put my smile on and know that I will be with the love of my life and that's all that matters.
posted by danigirlygirl Worker bee: 50 posts 4 months agoSorry, dani- it's really hard to read such a long post with no paragraph breaks. I think I made it a few lines in before I got lost... breaking it up a bit might get you more responses?
posted by peihan17 Helper bee: 259 posts 4 months agoI am sorry to hear about you shower. I think sometiems people do know enough or haven't been to enough bridal shower to know how to throw one. And family often loses sight of the big picture. It sounds like you have a great guy though and your relationship is extremely supportive.
posted by MrsDavis Worker bee: 146 posts 4 months agoI'm sorry you had this experience. Quite frankly I would be more concerned with the behavior of your sisters than your FMIL. It is obvious that FMIL's actions were simply caused by trying to do something nice for you, but sister #1 is acting like a petulant jealous baby and sister #2 just didn't have enough consideration to be on time. I don't wish to disparage your family at all, but I do encourage you to take a long, hard look at this dynamic before placing the blame of stress on the wrong person.
posted by CarolineG Helper bee: 422 posts 4 months agoI agree with MrsDavis. I read through it, mostly, though.
FMIL:
I think you might wish to ask your FMIL what help she'll need to have the rehearsal dinner run smoothly (or have your fiance ask her). "Spin" your question into concern: indicate you are worried she didn't enjoy herself at the shower, so you want her to be able to enjoy herself at the dinner. Then offer your assistance so the dinner runs smoothly and FMIL can enjoy herself. If you / your fiance can't do this, then there's not much else you can do (unless you highjack the rehearsal dinner, which would not be good).
Your sister:
Could you nicely ask why she was so late and unable to assist with the shower? Are you close enough to ask this without causing offense? If you are close, maybe you should speak to her about how it made you feel when she commented on your gifts, saying she already had them. She may not realize how her comments sounded! Also, you may wish to ask your sister if she wishes a bridesmaid to assist her with her MOH roles. Cite concern that she was unable to help at the shower because she was running behind, so you want her to not be stressed before/during the wedding. Then, you'll have to have a bridesmaid who is willing to step up and help. I think most good friends would do that!
Your mom:
Was she late due to health reasons? If so, fine. If not, why was she so late? You could tell her that it hurt you that she was unable to arrive on time at your shower. Is your mom chronically late? If this is the way your mom usually is, then maybe you can't rely on her assistance in the future wedding plans. You'll have to delegate duties she would normally do, or that she has already offered to do, to other folks.
Just be calm and rehearse what you're going to say, if you do decide to approach these family / future family members. You don't want to cause offense. You want to offer your assistance out of concern that they won't be able to enjoy themselves. Don't drink before you confront anyone! It won't help.
I believe in honesty, so if it were my sister or mom or FMIL, I'd probably say something. Try to be extra polite and considerate, because they may not have realized their actions hurt you. And, if a friend, my mom, etc, were to say it to me, I'd consider what they say. But you have to consider how YOUR family would react.
posted by Krista Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoDitto on the paragraphs!!
I think that I'd have your fiance talk to his mother, especially if she is supposed to be planning or setting up something wedding related in the future. Be gentle, but see what can be done to make things run smoother, and let her know that you appreciate the help.
posted by HistoryBride Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoSorry about the long story,,and for those of you who care so much about paragraphs,,,,whatever, its called being passionate wrighting, I could really care less about grammer and correct spacing! If you don't want to read, don't. I'm still tramatized about the whole thing, especially my sisters. I'm thinking of asking my little sister (the one who was 2 1/2 hours late to my shower) if maybe she would be comfortable attending as a guest. I cannot handle her tardiness at my wedding. It shows arragance and lack of respect. She has been late to EVERYTHING, always.
My FI is very concerened his mom is going insane, seriously. She called yesterday to ask if the wedding is outside,,,we've been planning over a year, she knows its outside at a vineyard. My mom called yesterday to see how my friends and I liked the shower,,I havn't called her back. I'm just going to be polite, but for sure mention the fact about my sisters! So thats an update,,,and look! I did paragraphs!! Aren't you proud!
posted by danigirlygirl Worker bee: 50 posts 4 months agoyikes, people are on here trying to help you and you are being pretty rude.
posted by Janna19 Helper bee: 428 posts 4 months agoI am going to start off by telling you that snapping back at people trying to help you here is not really the way to go. You posted for advice/venting, and they are simply telling you its hard to read one really long sentence. Clearly you are a little more than stressed. Which makes me wonder how you yourself can handle stress? Now, as for your FMIL, keep in mind that everything was thrown at her. She offered to help, not be in charge of the entire thing. Knowing how hard shower planning is, you should cut her a break. SHe did the best she could do, alone. If you were unable to eat certain foods, your FI should have told her that. SHe probably made what she knew how to make. Yes, maybe she gets a little stressed being in charge of things, so what? A lot of people do. Tell her you appreciate all her work. As for everyone else, unfortunately life gets in the way. Your mom is ill, which I presume is unexpected. Its not like she did it on purpose. Your sisters sound rather selfish, but sometimes sisters are like that. I can't imagine they acted any differently than they normally do? Tell those two how you feel, but don't freak out on them. So yes, your shower could have gone better. But, honestly, you are lucky you had one. Not everyone gets one. As for the leftover food/flowers and stuff, if the aunt hosted the party, she should get the stuff, in my opinion. I think you should take a step back, breathe, look at the whole picture, and appreciate what you did have. And, yes, offer some help to the FMIL for the next event.
posted by dreambml Helper bee: 479 posts 4 months agohonestly, it sounds like you and your family all need to be medicated or something. whats done is done, you cant do anything about it so why are you stressing. Your sisters are selfish and jealous -- did you perhaps act the same way at their wedding causing them to want to retaliate? You need to just put this behind you, offer to help FMIL with the rehearsal dinner, and look forward to your wedding and life with your husband
posted by NorthCarolinaBride2B Newbee: 48 posts 4 months agoAnd to add to the advice from the ladies above, I'd suggest learning how to deal with adversities with grace and poise, not knocking back shots of tequila at the first sign things aren't going your way.
posted by lulubelle Worker bee: 173 posts 4 months agoI think MrsDavis has a great point. Not everyone in our lives has the same expectations for wedding events as we do, or really even understands how to host a proper shower. At 27, I can only say I have general ideas about how to host one, which are easily different from yours, MrsDavis', etc. Your FMIL was probably not clear on what to do and had the stress of being asked to take over last minute. If anything, I am sure she will be more prepared for the rehearsal because she has had more time to plan. If you are worried about how she will handle it, you can always kindly offer to help her with related tasks. You will look like an angel for offering and she will be better able to host the kind of event you are dreaming of.
I am not sure where to start with your relationship with your sisters, but if those relationships are important to you, you may want to have a heart to heart with them about their behavior. It always helps to speak in "I" statements (e.g. I felt hurt when you were late because I felt like my party was not important to you) than to place blame on people.
Finally, The point of this board is not to criticize one another, but to help one another, so I will keep this brief; this goes for the poster as well as for the responders. If you post on the board, you need to expect that you may not like every answer that you hear, but it is up to everyone involved to be kind.
Good luck, and at the end of the day, no matter what has happened in the past, you have a lifetime of new memories to make with your wonderful hubby-to-be.
posted by ErinMarieMack Busy bee: 594 posts 4 months agoHey guys... let's stay focused on the topic at hand, and away from personal attacks or snarkiness. Otherwise, we'll have to close out comments on this thread...
posted by mrbee Helper bee: 398 posts 4 months agoI think that the best way to deal with a wedding is to not expect much from anyone - this sounds crazy, but I feel like we have crazy high expetctaions and you can't/should not expect others to have those too.
ignore your family issues from now till the wedding ,if they arrive late, start the wedding without them. SERIOULSY! If you warn them about being late before hand they will just call you a bridezilla, BUT if you start the wedding without them it will embarrass them because EVRYONE will see their tardiness! Yay! for embarrassing tardy people!
to the rest: Knowing that this person was so upset and pointing out paragraphs to her---tacky --that stuff only happens on the knot--dont make this the knot!...if you had a wedding crisis im sure you might forget a return here and there!
posted by deedee Newbee: 9 posts 4 months agoAs a girl with a couple of less than dependable family member (my dad is bi-polar and my mil is disabled. Sometimes she can get around and sometimes she can't), I can tell you that the best thing I ever did for myself and my sanity was creating back up plans. For instance, due to my brother/bridal escort having freaking 5 point racing seat belts in his car, I couldn't image trying to ride to the facility in his car with my dress. So, I asked my dad hoping that it would help him feel included. But since I knew he has a tendency to flake (being the daughter of a diagnosed bi-polar isn't easy!) I had my mom and a couple of my friends who would be at the house on alert so that I could ride with one of them if something happened.
My MIL was planning on overseeing the set up and break down of the facility. She wasn't feeling well the day before and was stressed from having family staying with her (stress doesn't help her disability), we decided at the rehearsal dinner that my friend who was already planning to do some day of coordination for us would take over (which was something I'd already had in the back of my mind).
My best advise, don't soley depend on someone who has been undependable in the past. Try everything you can to set youself and those around you up for success. I'm not saying don't give them responsabilities, just have someone ready to pick up the slack if need be. I'd confide in some of your close friends and let them know that you need them to be on alert at the rehearsal and wedding in case you need them. And keep them updated on the plans so that if they need to step in and help they have an idea of what is going on.
Good luck!
posted by bonniebelle101 Helper bee: 361 posts 4 months agoDeedee-I believe that everybody was trying to help, but suggesting that she's get MORE help if she didn't just ramble on in one large paragraph. Then she pointed out that she didn't need any help by biting everybody's head off. If you want people to answer you, it's just common to make it so that they can read what you write. I really don't consider a scattered FMIL to be a wedding crisis. That would be something like your venue burning down!
posted by KateMW Busy bee: 721 posts 4 months agoGood post Bonnie!
posted by KateMW Busy bee: 721 posts 4 months ago#1: Relax...it's all about getting married to the man you love. If someone else makes a fool out of themselves it's on them.
#2: Dear God, please take an English class and learn how to spell and punctuate. You may not care, but your future employers will.
posted by cdenton Newbee: 16 posts 4 months agoEveryone needs to calm down. Criticizing each other's grammar is not why we're on the boards. I'm sure all of us let our weaknesses show when we're severely stressed. Stop being mean!
posted by proBM2008 Worker bee: 61 posts 4 months agoYeah, you guys need to chill about the paragraph stuff. Messageboards aren't a place to criticize others' grammar. And yes, it's all about marrying the man you love, but if that's *all* it was about, we'd all be eloping instead of DIYing big parties. Right?
Dani, it sounds like you're learning a lot about how certain famiily members deal with stress and being emotionally overwhelmed. Some seem less dependable than others, unfortunately. I think it's good you're figuring out who's going to be most helpful as you get into crunch time. That way, you're not depending on your sister or FMIL to do anything too important for you on your wedding day, you know?
Good luck, and I'm sorry things have been such a pain in the a$$!
posted by amysue Busy bee: 888 posts 4 months ago