(Closed) Drama from MIL re eloping

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, Fiance needs to not “chicken out here” and be upfront with his Mother.

THIS IS WHAT WILL BE HAPPENING… you two are Eloping period.  Having decided to give a pass to the “Family Wedding” due to sooo many circumstances ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FAMILY

I can tho as a Mom understand that is Mom is a tad hurt… but she’ll get over it.

And a Back Home Reception is more than kind of you guys… there is no obligation to have such a thing… and I think you guys are great to do that for her and the rest of the family have the opportunity to celebrate with you.

Now if I read the post correctly…

You are awaiting HER BOOKING the Hotel you guys have chosen to marry at in Mexico.

Ok, I got the part where this is something she’s offered to do… as a gift (same gift she gave other Sibs for their Wedding Presents)

BUT I also read the part where you Hubby is over 40, and the two of you have been together over 8 years.

As such, I would assume that you guys should be acting like adults… and honestly if his Mom isn’t going to be supportive in WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF THIS WEDDING.. or pony up as she’s promised for the Elopement / Honeymoon Destination

Then you should be looking at going ahead with that plan on your own dime.

I sure as heck wouldn’t be waiting around for Mommy’s “psuedo permission” to do this be it verbal or financial.

Time to man up IMO

 

Post # 4
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@BeckyS0:  I’m kind of torn on this one.  I completely understand your desires to elope.  That was my fantasy the whole time I was planning. lol  But towards the end of your post, it almost sounded like you were eloping and not wanting her there because your family couldn’t afford to attend.  Personally, I wouldn’t exclude someone from my wedding just because more of my side couldn’t make it. 

 

Post # 5
Member
3825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I get it. If she tags along, then you are worried that you will give the impression that this is a family trip when in fact it’s your elopement and a very relaxing and romantic vacation/honeymoon after. 

I can sympathize with you because I’m dealing with this kind of situation. I’m not eloping but my mother is the one who lays the guilt trip on pretty thick with all of the “what about your family” talk. Right now, I’m the one in the middle of FI and my parents because of my parents being super emotionally needy. 

I don’t understand why MIL and MOBs and FOBs get so frickin emotionally needy at a time where you really don’t need it. You’re an adult. Your FI is an adult. You guys made a decision and FMIL needs to just deal with it. 

Post # 8
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You really need to put your foot down NOW.. I get it. I would NOT have wanted his family there if my family could not be. It just isn’t fair! 

Put your foot down NOW because if you let her call the shots even a little, where will it stop?  The house you buy has to be X miles close to her and of her liking? You’ll have to raise your children HER way? She’ll have to be in the delivery room with you? etc etc….Your husband just has to say NO.. this is how we’re doing it.. our wedding day IS about US… we hope you will join us for our reception at home. It would mean a lot to us that you are there. 

 

If she says no she won’t come?

 

“i’m sorry you feel that way. I hope you will reconsider”. Period.

Post # 9
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

is there anyway you could have both sets of parents there, even if that means help your out to get there?

Normally I would say put your foot down, but I can see why she’s hurt if she was all excited about a big wedding and then was totally excluded. 

Post # 12
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BeckyS0:  sorry you’re dealing with all this drama.  Seems a bit like she’ll be complaining no matter what you do… Hope it works out!

Post # 14
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@BeckyS0:  We did the same thing – cancelled our wedding recently and decided to elope. Luckily no one has given us any grief. It is your day and you need to put your foot down. You don’t want this setting the tone for your lives together. You can do it!

Post # 15
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m be sorely tempted to reply back to that budget with one sentence.  ‘This is why we’re eloping’.  Though really, what needs to happen is that your fiance needs to send that reply to her and end the discussion.  No ‘second ceremony’, just an elopement, honeymoon and mini-reception at home.  I would have more sympathy if he was in his 20s, only child, blah blah blah.  He’s 40+.  And personally, I wouldn’t let her pay for the honeymoon at this point.  She’s using it to hold over your heads, and it will come up in the future. 

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