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Me awaiting my engagement is driving me crazy! All of my friends are getting married... Literally. I've been a bridesmaid in 12 weddings THIS YEAR! My poor boyfriend wouldn't even have the chance to propose if he wanted to!
4 years and counting, but I'm not sure if he's got the idea yet that I'm itching to have a ring on my left hand. Time seems to be dragging on lately. Is 18 just too young? Am I fantasizing too much? I'm just sick of watching all my friends get married and then there I am, in every one of those bridal parties, feeling left out. I'm soon to be the only one not married or engaged.
October 16, 2010 marks the end of the wedding streak. Maybe I'll be next year :/
But seriously. A wedding every weekend for three weeks?? And two on the same day? Is it any wonder why I feel like I'm the only one not getting married?
16 Weddings in 2010. I'm in all of them. This is like 27 Dresses! I've been a bridesmaid 20 times!! Make it stop!
You were in 16 weddings this year and you're only 18 years old???? That's CRAZY!
ditto to mandamack. i had never even been to a wedding before i was 18. honestly, i don't mean to sound rude at all but you're 18, you should relax a bit. i'll be 28 at my wedding and i barely feel old enough to be married.
IMO, 18 is too young. But that's just me. You will do a lot of growing and changing in the next several years and what you think you want now, may turn into a silly want later in life. There is no reason to rush marriage. It's a huge huge step. Just because all of your friends are doing it doesn't mean you have to jump on the bandwagon.
Some 18 year old marriages end up working out, but it's the exception and not the rule. The divorce rate for your age group is against you. Sorry.
@MandaMack: Like I said, EVERYONE is getting married this year! lol
And the fact that you seem to have this, "Well I want to do it because everyone else is doing it." really shows how much you are not ready to marry.
Wow... they should do a sequel to 27 dresses with you as the star haha. That's an insane amount of weddings in one year. I think I've been to 5...in my whole life...and I'm 25. >_<
That is a lot of weddings to be in. Honestly, at 18, I'm impressed you can afford to be in all those weddings! I know I wouldn't have been able to when I was 18. You've probably spent as much on dresses as some people have on their weddings! But, you are still young and have plenty of time. Don't rush it just because everyone else is doing it. :)
@MandaMack: Are they all 18 too? <--- Good question!
@BayStateBride: I'm so confused right now...the last thing on my mind (or my friends minds) when I was 18 was getting married. If they were all 18 I'll be slightly blown away...
I know the feeling and can sympathize. I got engaged this past summer, but prior to that all my close friends got engaged or got married before me. I am 10 years older than you, but the feelings of "being left out" didnt change. Of course I only todl my closest friends the feelings I was having, but I felt them nonetheless until someone told me something that really helped.
My close friend (whose wedding I was just in) and I were talking. another of her bridesmaids got married 5 years ago. At the time she thought she wanted it, but now she says she really wishes she would have waited. She is working to make the marriage be everything she wants, but she said she just doesnt know who her husband grew into. the benefit of being one of the last is you are more likely to know what your boyfriend is growing into at such a young age.
I think its also important to remember its about marriage, not a wedding (although the wedding is sure fun!) and you will likely have a better marriage if you both have a chance to grow first.
Why did you say yes to all these girls? I feel like that's just asking for wedding meltdowns and overload. I think you set yourself up a little bit....
And at 18, I think it is fine to focus on your friends, since you've go SO much time to get engaged. It might even give you something else to focus on outside of your pending engagement.
I agree - did all your friends get married right out of high school? That is CRAZY! My first friend got married at 25. I went to 10 weddings in 2008 when everyone turned 30. I'll be 33 when we get married next year. My advice: RELAX!! You're smart to take it slow.
I don't want to get married because everyone else is doing it! I'm the one who's been talking about it with my boyfriend since we were 16! But whatever... I suppose my time will come. The majority of the girls getting married are 25 or younger. The oldest this year was 27. I used to think anyone who got married that young was crazy but the more I think about it, the less I'm starting to believe that.
@pb and j: I 100% agree with you. I will be 27 when my wedding rolls around and I just barely feel "old enough".
@brightoctober: You are still young and have LOTs of time. I met my now FI when I was 19 and we dated for 6 1/2 years before getting engaged. Dating while in school (2 yrs) was very different than dating long distance (1yr) then being out of school living apart (1 yr) and finally out of school living together (2 1/2 yrs). Going through all those stages of our relationship really helped us grow together and people and solidify the fact that we are right for each other.
I have to tell you both FI and I have changed GREATLY in the time we've been together. And I am very greatly changed from who I was when I was 14. You and your bf (if he's your age) are still maturing into who you will be as people. There is no need to rush anything. Once the wedding wave is over, just enjoy being with each other.
I was really hoping that my FI would propose when I graduated from college (3 yrs into our relationship), but I am so glad that we lived apart and then together first instead.
First off I don't understand the problem with having an engagement or even wedding the same year or even a couple months out from a friend/family member. But that is another rant. You are only 18 years old, you have plenty of time, just be happy where you are right now. Just be happy with the good relationship you have regardless of what your friends are doing. If it is right for you, it will happen. Trust me, I have been in a few relationships to the point that I was expecting an engagement which never happend. Now I am getting married to the right person and I couldn't be happier.
I understand the feeling of being left out (& jealousy) but marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It's a personal committment, not a club. I agree 18 is young, although not unheard of. At 18 I wonder if you boyfriend really does know you're "itching to have a ring on my left hand". I've certainly never seen an 18 year old boy (yes boy) itching to get married! My recommendation is to wait until it's right FOR YOU TWO! Make sure you're on the same page financially, regliously etc. Make sure you go to premaritial councelling. Marriage is not just a wedding, it's a life.
ps. it's okay to say no to being a bridesmaid. How can you possibly afford all that?
I dated my high school boyfriend for 3 years before we went off to college together (in Cleveland, OH...where you're from!). He was the only guy I had ever seriously dated and as soon as we got to college I completely grew apart from him. We dated another two years, but our relationship fizzled years before that. I know 4 years seems like a long time, but when you're young, you change so quickly. My FI's cousin got married last summer after dating her husband for 11 years...they started dating when she was 16. I'm not saying to wait that long, but you are still veryveryvery young and have plenty of time to think about marriage. I know it's easy to get roped into wedding fever and want a ring on your hand/wedding to plan, but if you wait a bit longer maybe your boyfriend will be more financially stable and could better afford a ring, and you may be able to better afford a wedding.
I'm not trying to pass judgement at all, I just know that I was 18 once, and I definitely wanted to marry my HS boyfriend then. Would it have worked out? Yeah, I think so. But I am so much happier with FI than I was with him and it still astonishes me how quickly we grew apart once put in a different situation.
I hope this helped a bit!
As a bee so wisely said to me in another post she has never heard anyone say they wish they had been younger when they got married.
I have changed SOOOOOOOO much since I was 18 that it's not even funny. The guy I started dating when I was 15 ended up going to jail for stealing and doing drugs, he cheated on me, he didn't graduate high school and his life is not going very far. Now at 27, I am with a guy who is going to basically the top business school in the country, has values much more in line with mine, and would never cheat on me and he still may not be "the one" for me. Can you imagine me with that guy I thought was perfect for me when I was 15??? Good things come to those who wait...
Ditto to everyone else.
Im 26 and ive been in two weddings, one of which I was 11 years old and hardly remember. Are these weddings you are in for friends, or family? I didn't have a close friend get married until I was 23 or 24.
Like everyone else said, 18 is very young. Even though 2 years is a long time to be with someone you will change a lot in your early 20's
My boyfriend is 22. It just seems like we've been together SO long. I just graduated from high school AND college because I did this crazy college while still in high school thing. So I'm all set with an awesome job, he just finished school and found a job and he's in the process of buying a house. I think we're almost to a point where we're in a good position to get married. But that's just me.
And I have always thought about the long-term (marriage) as opposed to the short-term (the wedding). I've always loved the idea of having a wedding but ever since I was 12 I've had people telling me, "Don't make it about the wedding." I've thought that way ever since. I think it's just that I'm almost 19 and I feel mature enough to handle a commitment for the rest of my life.
But at the same time, I feel like I'm still maturing and my personality may change in the next few years. It scares me, but we've been together so long and we've matured with each other. The growing process has been rough because I have a lot stronger opinions than I used to, but so does he. We've adapted to the changes. So I think that even if we are still in the process of maturing, we'll be able to work through any problems, just because of past experience.
If you feel ready and prepared for the type of commitment that marriage requires than age shouldn't matter. What you need to look at are your finances, your employment stability, and your maturity...not your friends.
That being said I know how difficult it can be when everyone around you is getting married. With my group of friends in particular, we seem to be in this wedding frenzy right now. It all started with our oldest friends being married and now after about 1 year we have about 6 couples that are engaged or married. I think in my life though it's because we're all in and around that 25 year old mark (mostly).
The pressure can be difficult, but at the same time you have to remember that age old saying that most of our moms have cited, "if your friend jumped off the bridge would you??" Annoying right? Well it's true. You have to think about what's right for you, not what everyone else is doing.
If you two are mature enough and things are meant to be then they will fall in place. Don't let it stress you out because you do have a lot of time. Our good friends have been together since they were 15 and they just now got engaged at 24 (9 years later!) and plan to be engaged for a year first. If he loves you he will still be around when you guys are reading to take it to the next level...just be careful to take all the time you need!
@brightoctober: Another thing to think of (don't know if it's important to you though). Don't you want to be able to drink champagne (or something) at your own wedding?
If you feel ready and prepared for the type of commitment that marriage requires than age shouldn't matter. What you need to look at are your finances, your employment stability, and your maturity...not your friends.
That being said I know how difficult it can be when everyone around you is getting married. With my group of friends in particular, we seem to be in this wedding frenzy right now. It all started with our oldest friends being married and now after about 1 year we have about 6 couples that are engaged or married. I think in my life though it's because we're all in and around that 25 year old mark (mostly).
The pressure can be difficult, but at the same time you have to remember that age old saying that most of our moms have cited, "if your friend jumped off the bridge would you??" Annoying right? Well it's true. You have to think about what's right for you, not what everyone else is doing.
If you two are mature enough and things are meant to be then they will fall in place. Don't let it stress you out because you do have a lot of time. Our good friends have been together since they were 15 and they just now got engaged at 24 (9 years later!) and plan to be engaged for a year first. If he loves you he will still be around when you guys are reading to take it to the next level...just be careful to take all the time you need!
Good lord, if I had married the guy I was dating when I was 18, I don't know where I'd be right now. Well, I do know I'd be divorced but beyond that, who knows? Seriously, you grow SO MUCH in your twenties it's not even funny. I gurantee you that you will be completely different person in 10 years from who you are now. It's a give-in. There's no way for you to know that now, because you're only 18, so you've got to have a little faith. I urge you to ask everyone you know in their thirties how much they changed from 18 to 30. Just ask them. You'll truly be shocked. The really crazy thing is your BF is going to change that much too! I'm not saying that the two of you won't be together anymore, I'm just saying that the two of you will be entirely different people.
I strongly, strongly urge you to wait. You've got plenty of time.
Whew....you gotta be really careful when you ask the "is xyz too young to get married." In my opinion, yes...18 is WAY too young. Four years of dating someone (ages 14-18) is a heck of a lot different from dating someone for four years when you started at 18. I mean, the life experiences you gained starting when you are 14 aren't necessarily enough to give you the experience/maturity/stability you need to make a marriage work. Now with that said, I'd say anyone under 25 is too young to get married..now before I get crucified for that one, let me just say that I mean that as an age bracket in general. The majority of my close friends got married young, between ages 19-21 (so I pretty much base this opinion on their experiences), and started having babies right away. Now we are closing in on 30 and they're realizing that they had the rest of their lives to be married and have kids...and didn't get that "freedom" that they once wanted. They went straight from their parents homes to being married. Me on the other hand, I spent 10 years on my own and doing my own thing. Ten years after all of my friends got married, they're hitting the "wish I would have waited a few years and "lived" life" stage....After I've been married for 10 years, I'll get to look back and say, it's been a wonderful 10 years, but I sure am glad I had 10 years before that to live life for me...but, that's just me and my opinion. Obviously, everyone is welcome to their own :)
this seems kind of troll-y but that might just be me. i thought i was quite mature and level-headed for an 18 yr old, but people really do change a lot during those years and when i read my old journal entries? yeah. i cringe.
one of my friends got married when he and his wife were 18 and 5 years later they just finalized their divorce. she decided she got married too young and hadnt experienced the "party life" so went out to clubs and cheated on him. and this was supposedly some homely little church girl. now she can't stand the sight of him and they both realize what a mistake they made. now they're 23 yr old divorcees. i'm just saying that people may think they know who they are and what they want, but what those things are change dramatically from 18 to 25. give yourself some time. i know if i would have married the guy i dated from 16 to 20, i would not be in the kind of relationship i want and have now.
I got married when I was 20. Our wedding cost $36 (the cost of the marriage license) I was divorced by 21. I was soooo not ready to be married back then. But I am now. I'm 30.
I sometimes wonder what happened to my ex-h. I haven't talked to him since he signed the divorce papers.
Yes, 18 is too young.
16 weddings in 2010? And you're a bridesmaid in ALL of them? Weird. I was in one wedding before the age of 20. And I was the flower girl. I was 6. How are all of these girls getting married in high school?
I can’t imagine having that many close friends at any age – exhausting! ;-)
It’s not a terrible thing to get out there and focus on YOU while you’re in the best place and easiest time to do so. You don’t have to get married because you’ve been together for 4 years – especially when (sorry to be blunt, but) all of those years you’ve legally been a child. You don’t have to get married just because you love someone. You have plenty of time – enjoy it. And take some time to think about why you want to get married - or if you are just "itching for a ring on your left hand"
I am marrying my HS sweetheart. We have been dating for 10 years and first starting dating when we were 15, I'm 25 now. I think that if it is right, then there is no reason not to wait for a while. You seem to have 'grown together' and this will only continue without the pressure of an e-ring and marriage. We were able to still be together, but did our own things and were able to experience a lot of different things. I would just say that waiting for a little while will never hurt anything. Hope everything works out for you.
@gabrielleelise1981: so true! i don't even know 16 people that would ask me to be in their wedding.
@brightoctober: look, you admittedly sound pretty mature for an 18 year old, but so was i. that didn't mean that i wasn't still totally immature compared to myself now, almost 10 years later. i think most of us on here remember being totally in love at the age of 18, but most of us aren't still with that person. i'm not saying that it can't or won't work out...but it might not. there are other things you can do in the meantime. have you two moved in together yet? have you discussed marriage yet?
i know a couple people in their late 20s/early 30s who are divorced, because they married a high school sweetheart. they all wish they had waited.
@peaches1038: btw i didn't mean to imply you shouldn't marry your HS sweetheart...i just meant that they married right out of HS and didn't wait like you did. just saw that you wrote that and didn't want you to take it the wrong way!
For me, I knew I was ready when getting married didn't matter anymore. We knew we were going to be together forever (with or without rings) and at that point marriage just became a piece of paper, a tax break and the ability to procreate without judgement :)
@JsDragonfly: While I definitely understand what you're saying, I wish so many people didn't think of 25 as some kind of "cut-off" date for being old enough to marry. To me, it's all about the emotional maturity of two people.
I try not to be too defensive about this, because I'm 23 and my FI will be 27 when we get married. But we both have college degrees, very stable jobs, a house, and the understanding that marriage is not all puppies and butterflies - so while yes, I am "young," I'm not a child and I don't feel "too young" to get married.
In my opinion, if you have to ask people "Is X age too young to get married?" then you aren't ready. I know 18 year olds who probably would be responsible enough to get married (and by the way, with all she's accomplished so far, @brightoctober might be one of them) and I know 30 year olds who are nowhere close. 18 does sound too young to me, but it's all relative to commitment and maturity.
18 is very young to get married. There was no way at 18 I was ready to be a wife. It's a huge responsibility and most people change between the ages of 18 and 25. Have you even graduated high school? Go to college and get your education and then concentrate on a serious relationship.
Mature or not, 18 is too young to get married. To not even have been an adult for a full year? I just don't get why one would do that.
i can only speak for myself at 18... i was not ready to be married. not to my then bf. not to anyone.
i'm the first of my close group of friends to get married and i just turned 27 a month before our wedding. i can't imagine what it'd be like to be 18 and having all of my friends getting married.
regardless, it's all dependent on each situation. i just know that for myself, 18 was too young to consider marriage.
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