(Closed) Drama might have ruined everything….

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think your friend Becky has serious post-partum depression because her behaviour is totally irrational and over-the-top considering the situation. I could understand some hurt feelings about feeling left out of a fun outing, but nothing worth ending a life-long friendship over! I’m so sorry that it has played out like this. What an awful thing to have happen and really suck the joy out of your wedding planning. I have no advice but offer hugs & prayers.

Post # 4
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

O my goodness, i’m so sorry that all of this is happening right now.

Would you ever consider just going to her house and having a face to face and sincerly apologizing for leaving her out? Just be honest and let her know how sorry you are and you weren’t aware it would mean so much to her.

It is a shame that this could ruin such a long friendship. I would try to just put your pride aside and make her feel loved and remind her why you wanted her as part of the wedding party in the first place.

You can get through this with her. If you wanna make it work and be open.

Good luck, keep us posted.

Post # 5
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I do agree she was being a little over the top but if that’s what her feelings were about being left out, you can’t change that, you can only now react to try to make her feel loved.

 

Sorry should have added that to my other post

Post # 6
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

I think this deserves a face-to-face confrontation.  If all this has been building up, there might be some relief to it and things can be okay.  But if there’s a relief to not having a friendship, there might be nothing to salvage. 

Your wedding planning should go on, with or without her.  It’s sad when you think back and imagine that she is supposed to be there for you on your wedding way but think about all the other people who will be there that support you 100%.  You don’t want anyone there that thinks so negatively of you.

Post # 7
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think this deserves a face to face discussion as well but I would give it a little bit of time first. As you said, there were lots of words exchanged and things were said that neither of you will forget. Given that, I would allow a couple weeks as a cool down period because you don’t get over a fight that big so quickly.

Having a best friend of that long (My best friend and I have been friends 26 years) is wonderful and you end up loving each other like sisters. But like your real sisters (or brothers or any other close family member) they know how to push your buttons like no one else and they have all the ammo they need to make you feel horrible. It sounds to me like she got hurt and just started to hurt you in anyway she knew she could.

Of course it’s a waste of a great friendship (especially involving your God daughter) so it deserves a chance to salvage it but you’ll also have to nurse it and get past everything that was said and every bad thought one had about the other and actually said out loud. Absolutley carry on with wedding plans b/c your FI is right but try to patch things up with her in the meantime. And if in the end nothing comes of your efforts (which I hope is not the case for you) then at least you knew that you tried and gave it your all – just make sure she knows your door is always open to her when/if she wants to talk.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I think fontgoddes got it right.  Her baby is 2 months old.  She already claimed post partum.  I don’t know if she self diagnosed or if a doctor actually told her that.  But between the hormones and the lack of sleep, I think she is really post partum.  This situation isn’t making a ton of sense.  That’s why I say that. 

Personally, with that in mind, I think you can still salvage this.  I would try to talk to her about what happened, and apologize for what you’re responsible for.  Don’t expect her to acknowledge, if she’s not in the right frame of mind.  Also, can you talk to her bf?  Maybe he can help between the two of you.  It might be easier, for you to talk to him, and him to her, about a possible depression, than for you to talk to her, directly.  

You have well over a year until your wedding.  You have been friends for 24 years, and are her child’s godmother.  I don’t think this has to be the end.

Post # 9
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

big ::hive hugs:: to you because I KNOW how quickly things can escilate between best friends, and sometimes the people we love the most can also hurt us the most. I just posted about this tonight on a different board, but I’ve had relatively the same situation. I had a close BFF and we both said a did things completely unwarrented and completely ruined our relationship for good – it was over some SMALL stupid misunderstanding (much like yours with dresses @ DB’s), and a lot of it was over email/facebook/text, etc. I have SO MUCH regret when I think back to our friendship and how I was so stupid to let it slip away. I would do almost anything go back and fix that relationship, but it was completely unreconisilable. I hope yours is not to that point – please, if you care about her and care about having her in your life, go ahead and resume responsibility. Take her to lunch, have a heart-to-heart and don’t talk about ANY of the WRONGS…. talk about what you love about her, why you need her in your life, and how much she means to you. Yes, she did things that were not right – but would you rather be RIGHT, or would you rather have your best friend back?? Best of luck, and please keep us updated!!

Post # 10
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I am sorry, I guess I am the only one that thinks this is totaly ridiculous and very high school. I do feel bad for you, but seriously? You said she is 30? Whose wedding is it, yours or hers? Really cancel it? Come on, this is silly. I understand you have many, many years togethor, but our childhood dreams are fairytales and then real life happens. Your wedding party can not be there every single second, every single step of the way nor on every decision and she needs to understand that. My lord, I cant beleive someone would react that way! I can see it if you were in junior high! I am not trying to be harsh here, but she seriously has something deep down going on and you just need to take some time away and not worry about and let the bad words settle and then try to reach out to her. I dont beleive in airing your feelings on FB, that is a little tacky on both ends, you should have just ignored it and talked to her about later. I understand her feelings may be hurt, but to act like this is very poor taste. You can not please everyone, you are trying your best. You do need to speak with her face to face and try and work this out, if you cant you cant and I do apologize, but our friendships do change as we get older. I just would never tolerate this and you do not deserve this.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, goodness, at least you’ve dedramatized yourself from the situation.

Hopefully when the post-partum passes and she levels out, she apologizes for her irrational behavior or just pretends none of it ever happened…. All you can do is hug her, say you understand, and move on. Consider it a really bad dream perhaps???

Post partum I hear does make people do some things VERY out of character. At least you have some time!!!

Post # 13
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I can somewhat relate to what your going through. Sometimes weddings bring out the bad in people. My fiance and I had a falling out with two of his friends that were supposed to be in our wedding. They were pretty much mad that he was closer friends with his other buddy, and jealously started the fights. Some things can’t be undone once you say certain things. It’s hard to think of people the same when they hurt you, and are supposed to be there for you. This was two months ago, and still nothing has changed with them, and I don’t know if we will ever talk to them again. But it does get easier to deal with as time goes by. I know it’s hard having to deal with what your going through, and to be happy at the same time when trying to plan your big day. I think you just have to know that it’s one day, and the people that are really important to you will be there, and it will be great no matter what drama has happened. I hope I helped, and things always happen for a reason ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 14
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hey there. I totally feel you on this one and am sorry for everything you’re going through. My best friend and I (she’s my cousin, we were raised together) stopped being friends about 6 months before I got engaged and it has been a really long, really hard process without her.

I mean, you want those people who are closest to you to be there during one of the most exciting times of your life.

She isn’t my life though, this isn’t her wedding. Instead of using her as an outlet, a shopping buddy, etc. I’ve leaned heavily on my fiance and mom. It has been a really good experience.

Yeah, I miss her sometimes but she said some pretty harsh things (as did I) and our relationship is in a different place now. We were so close that I know we’ll gravitate back to being close again someday.

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am on Facebook, but very hesitant to post anything wedding related. I don’t want to make any of my ‘friends’ who aren’t invited to the wedding feel left out or hurt and it creeps me out thinking that people can oogle over my private planning photos.

But I am sorry this awful thing happened, it sounds like your friend is a little insecure and maybe depressed. I would give it some time and try to contact her in person, no emails, texts or facebook messages. You will be surprised how that changes both of your moods!

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