Post # 1
I am getting married in just 4 days (yay) and I am not sure how to handle a situation with a coworker that is invited to the wedding.
My boss introduced me and my fiance and has become ordained in order to perform the ceremony for us. He and his wife have been separated for about 5 years now and he is dating someone else. His wife still works at the office with us and I work semi-close with her.
Unfortunately she hasn’t handled the separation very well and is refusing a divorce so there is some drama there. We gave my boss the ok to bring his new girlfriend to the wedding (they have been dating for a couple years now) as well as her kids. He plans on bringing just the girlfriend.
I kept meaning to talk with my coworker (my boss’s wife) to let her know that the girlfriend is coming but could never find a moment with just her to broach the subject. Finally I decided to let it go as I figured her being an adult and the amount of time they have been seperated she would be ok….I found out today that I was wrong. We had someone come into the office to leave something for my boss who wasn’t in. His wife and I were both there when he came in, he ended up asking if the girlfriend worked there, which she doesn’t (that god!) As soon as he left, the wife broke down crying. To make matters worse the guy came in right as she was giving me a gift for the wedding. She had indicated in the past that she was coming to the wedding as well.
I only have today where I may be able to talk to her before the wedding this weekend. Should I try to talk to her or should I just try to stay out of it? I am at a loss with what to do or how I would even broach the subject to her…. I’m not super close to her, but I do work semi-close with her and like her. I haven’t met the girlfriend, but my fiance has and really wants her at the wedding.
Post # 2
jeansarac: This is a hard subject to broach and I don’t see any “good” way to handle it that won’t result in any hurt feelings. I would try to tell the ex-wife that your boss’ girlfriend is going to come to the wedding.
I think she would feel extremely hurt and embarassed if she sees the two together and wasn’t told in advance. I don’t think you are obligated to tell her anything, but at least it’ll give her some time to get herself together for your wedding. You don’t want someone having a mental breakdown on your wedding day.
And if she decides not to come, then at least you can understand why. Outside of telling her that the new girlfriend is coming, I don’t think you need to do anything else.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
You have to tell her, yes. You can’t let her have a mental breakdown publicly at your wedding. She will likely be very emotional when you tell her, so be prepared. But you MUST tell her. It would be really cruel not to.
Post # 4
jeansarac: Definitely give her a heads up. I’m betting she probably won’t go though. It sounds like she isn’t anywhere near accepting that her marriage is over.
Post # 5
Why the hell do they still work together? How could you invite a married man’s girlfriend to your wedding? Much less ask him to officiate! How is that guy telling you to honor your marriage vows going to mean anything!? And the wife is invited too!? Definitely give her a heads up, it’s just cruel not to. Sorry but there are so many levels of hot mess going on in that office it’s hard to even advise in a helpful way. DO NOT get involved in their marital drama… But too late I guess?
Post # 6
Because you just saw her break down, this is a good time to bring it up. “I know the seperation from Boss is still an ongoing source of pain for you. I just wanted you to be aware that Girlfriend is coming to the wedding as well. I just wanted to let you know befrehand so you aren’t blindsided on the day.”
Post # 7
You definitely need to tell her.