- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
as far as bridesmaids. I originally was just going to ask a closer highschool friend and my fiance’s little sister…and maybe one other HS friend. I wasn’t planning on asking my own two sisters, because they had put off attitude that they didn’t want to do that in the past…and I wasn’t sure if they wanted to do that. But also because I want people who are supportive of my relationship with my fiance. I haven’t been getting along with my sister very much the whole time I have gotten back together with him. She doesn’t realize/accept that he has changed…and decided what he wanted in life, etc… She is always really rude, snotty, snappy to me…. She is more opinionated and blunt….more like my mother. In the past they have been unsupportive/not liked him etc…..just because we went through that phase of his confusion(he was only 24/25) Anyways, my mother kept pressuring me to ask my older sisters(both unmarried) to be my bridesmaids…..which to tell you the truth made me a little uncomfortable…. When I would call home, my mom would answer the phone and tell me to ask my sister to be a BM over the phone etc… So I did ask them and of course they said yes…which made me happy.
Well today my sister went with me to go wedding dress shopping. Well, I have been to 5 shops, and even been to a couple alone, and actually found the 2 dresses I liked the most ALONE. I actually don’t even care for her to come, because every dress of the 40 dresses I have tried on, I have not liked at all or even hated….and have only liked 2 dresses…so I really don’t care what others think of it. I do not need ones “permission” to get a dress I like! (they act like I do) I also want a white dress, because wedding dresses should be white IMO..I like white, plus I am a cool color person who wears silver jewelry…etc….sister tries to tell me to get ivory and that white would not look good on me…She tries to say that cool colors don’t look good on me(she must not be observant enough to know what colors bring out my tan…even Fiance knows which ones!)
Also, I am not into planning the details of my wedding all that much, like some people are, however there is one thing I am particular about since I only get one wedding: I want purple to be my color! Not dark purple either…I want a lavender or a medium-like purple. I don’t mind pairing dark purple with a lighter purple, but if I only was able to have dark purple, then I would rather just choose a different color entirely because I don’t like dark colors!
Anyways, my sister, who is the oldest and very bossy/opinionated/outspoken.(.like my mom and FMIL) starts making a big deal/criticizing that I *already* chose purple as my color!! Um, that’s the only color I have ever wanted for my wedding…. She then insists I can only get a very very dark shade of purple so that it will look okay on my overweight, red headed sister. Now like I said, I don’t mind having two shades of purple, but I definitely want them all in a medium purple…or half in light and a couple in darker purple. When I pointed out a shade I liked my sister gets snotty about it…and then she even said I was being a bridezilla/diva in front of salespeople by saying I didn’t want dark purple as my only color! Also she starts to go on and on about my sister…saying if I weren’t a bridezilla then I would consider how my sister would feel/suffer if she wore purple, etc… Well thing is, I just stated, “Well…she doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid.” I didn’t mean I would kick her out, I was just saying, if she really doesn’t want to wear a colored dress, then I’m not offended…she can just say, “no thanks”. But sister took it the wrong way, then acts like I want to not have my middle sister as my bridesmaid. Well then she starts going on about how I can’t go back and forth about who I want to be a BM….well this does make me question if *She*(Oldest sister being snotty to me) wants to be a BM…all she ever does and has done for months now is ARGUE with me……. I am even letting my BM pick whatever dress style they want, at least let me select the colors!!
So then, I told her: Truthfully, I only want people who *want* to be a bridesmaid, to be a bridesmaid. And I am not asking the bridesmaids to do anything except stand in the wedding, wear purple, and be supportive. So then my oldest sister states how she just *cannot be supportive to my relationship with my fiance* that he is seriously flawed, etc…. That she just states her truthful opinion etc. So of course this upsets me enough to say I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid, then….So she said, okay then I won’t be.
Well, that’s the reason I didn’t want/was hesitant to have her be a bridesmaid anyways!!!!!! I really only want supportive people up there with me. I told her my mom pressured me to even ask them and that I was hesitant to even ask them, because I wasn’t sure they would *want* to do it and just knew intuitively they(especially my oldest sister) could not be supportive of my relationship/future marriage. As my fiance pointed out, she doesn’t know that much about relationships herself.. She also is quick to point out it looks bad if you don’t have your sisters as your bridesmaids, etc.
Anyways, of course I didn’t really mean it….what I said….but, truthfully and honestly, if she doesn’t want to be one or wear purple, or the shades I prefer, then I don’t want her or my other sister to be a bridesmaid. If they can’t be supportive to me either, then I really just don’t want them to be a bridesmaid. I feel like they just want to do it out of obligation, and I don’t like that either. (In fact, I don’t even really want her coming to see the other wedding dress I want to buy…she can come if she wants, but I am making my decision solely on which dress I liked best out of the two..not what she thinks!) They are both cynical and negative about marriage, always mention the divorce rate whenever people discuss marriage… I know middle sister can be supportive and would truly like to be a part of the wedding, but I *don’t know* about my oldest sister! however, middle sister had stated that if my other sister wanted to do it, then she would….but i was always really really hesitant about asking oldest sister to be a BM.I really wish my mom hadn’t pressured me to ask them!
I just feel so uncomfortable having someone as a bridesmaid if they aren’t supportive of my fiance and I….especially on top of fiance’s meddlesome parents(they’re better now, but like i said, they don’t know we have a date set yet) and his brother being Best Man (I pretty much always get the vibe that he doesn’t like/care for me)
Anways, after this fight we went out to eat…she starts asking me about wedding details again, which just upsets me. Including prying to ask if my fiance is paying for any of the wedding etc…who is being invited etc. I had to clearly draw a boundary and tell her that I am only handling one detail of the wedding at a time and say, look, I am not into discussing all the details….it’s not really your business(in nicer words) about what my fiance does as part of contributing to the wedding financially, and who is being invited isn’t a concern right now, since we can have up to 120 people anyways, and at the most we are having like 30 attend!
Anyways, when I got back, I was just so depressed…..I just cried to fiance and then laid on the couch and did nothing all night:( I don’t know what to do:( Just so upset.