- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
So I’ve posted a couple of times about the stress my wedding is causing. I’m the type of person who likes to talk and talk before finally making a decision and getting on with it.
Talking it over helps me to think about the situation.
So this is the last time (hopefully) I will stress like this.
Here is the situtation; My father has a condition that is slowly making his health worse. To the point that he requested FH and I get married sooner rather than later. FH and I live in Canada, I am from the UK and that is where my family live.
Seeing as FH and I are unable to afford a wedding right now, my parents agreed to pay. However, I do not get along well with my mother, for many reasons. So agreeing to do the wedding like this was kind of like making a deal with the devil. At first I took the path of least resistance. Yes mum, no mum, anything you want mum.
To try and make my dads life easier. But having spent so much time on the hive and talking to my already married friends and the frustration my FH is having, I have realised that our wedding should not be handed off like that to my parents.
We wanted a small intimate wedding. My mother has emailed, phoned and confirmed 58 of her own guests.
We wanted my parents and his parents on the invites, my mother refuses.
Neither me nor FH really like my home town or even like the venue.
I gave over everything because my fathers life is being made miserable by my mother and also because I wanted older members of the family to be there etc.
But I am not excited about the wedding at all. FH and I feel really detached from the whole thing. And our friends and family in canada have not yet bought tickets to the UK because they knew from the start that this was not going to work.
So today, I am going to tell my mother that its not working.
I think I am going to be exiled from the family. Especially seeing as she has put down about 1200 pounds in deposits.
Ive made a terrible mistake and I feel terrible about it. But the more I think about it the more I don’t want our wedding, the start of our marriage to be a memory held hostage by my mother. We don’t want to be guests at our own wedding.
Im just so terrified. I’ve never been able to stand up to her, she has always scared me. But I am going to do it. In my thinking 1200 lost is better than 15k and a wedding neither my FH nor I enjoy.
I’m just so scared. /sigh