Dreading my Bridal Shower. I Hate Surprises.

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
6173 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my mom wanted me to have a surprise shower.  my MOH asked me if i was ok with this.  i said fine whatever i didn’t care.

i bought my dress and planned to give my MOH a bag with my dress, underwear, shoes, and jewelry.  she promised to bring makeup and hair stuff for me.

as it is getting closer, the logistics aren’t working for me.  i told my MOH that I couldn’t give my shoes.  i am weaing the same shoes to the wedding as I am the shower and I need them for dance lessons.

we agreed that MOH would tell me the morning of, so I could get ready on my own.  my mom was upset to hear this  but I told her it was causing me too much stress.

i know the shower is this month.  it can only be 1 of 2 weekends since those are my only free weekends right now.

we shall see.


Post # 4
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We don’t have bridal showers in the UK and the more I read about them, the more pleased I am!

I think that you need to say, nicely but firmly, that you really can’t accommodate a surprise shower. It just isn’t a good idea or right for you. Use work as a perfectly acceptable excuse as well as your general hatred of surprise events. Your sister knows you don’t like surprises so ask her to respect this because she surely wants you to enjoy the shower, not dread it. 

Post # 5
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can’t do a surprise shower, I just can’t.
I hate surprises and my family has pretty much figured that out already.

So I said whatever you want to do is fine by me, but can I at least know the date and the place?
I would love to be surprised by all the decorations, and the people who show up, but not by the actual event itself.
My mom & sister were fine with that, so I know when and where it’s going to be.

So maybe you can request at least the date, if not the place, and ask nothing else.
It’s not that you want to ruin the whole surprise… it’s that you’re an adult, and suprise showers don’t exactly jive with your schedule.

Post # 7
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, I don’t do surprises. I DO normally dress pretty nicely, but I still hate surprises. I would never agree to a surprise shower. No way. They need to tell you at least the date–what if you’re not available that day?!

Post # 8
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Ugh, I really hate surprises too. So I’m going to do my best to find out as well.

Post # 9
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Miss Moxy:  Yeah, see… I get unreasonable about surprises.
So that’s when I’d start reminding them of all the other surprises I’ve ruined in the past, and how I know I will do it again. Do they want that? No, no they don’t.
OR I’ll threaten to get up and walk out the door if they try to surprise me with a shower.

BTW, a friend had a surprise bridal shower, and her ‘maids set aside a dress for her to change into. I thought it was a really sweet gesture (though she likes surpsies, so it’s a bit different) as she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt when she walked in.

Post # 10
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Miss Moxy:  i loveeee surprises!!!! but when i got there i kinda froze lol it was so bizarre.

As far as your dress, give your dress to your MOH and tell her this is the dress you want to wear for the shower. Because they will make a plan to get you somewhere and then you will change into your dress. that is what happened to me. My FMIL planned it, I had bought a dress awhile ago and I FI gave it to his mom and she brought it to the restaurant and I changed when I got there.


don’t freak out. this is your time to have fun and enjoy this once in a life time experience

Post # 11
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not much for surprises. I would just tell your MOH while you appreciate them planning a surprise bridal shower, it is stressing you out and due to the nature of your work you cannot guarentee you will make it unless you know the date.

And I honestly don’t think they would allow you to dress sloppy for your own bridal shower, even if you didn’t know the date. I have a feeling they will let you know, maybe only minutes before, but they should at least have the sense God gave a billygoat to tell you so you have time to get all pretty.

Post # 13
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hate surprises too. If it was me in your situation, I would tell your sister that I appreciate the thought, but that if the shower remains a surprise, i will refuse to attend or to stay if it’s somewhere I arrive at.  No hesitation, I will turn around and immediately leave the venue and she will have to inform the guests why it happened. I also would tell others who you know will be invited (but are not in on the planning) that same information so they can intervene on your behalf prior to the event.  Is there anyone else in your family that’s not in on it that can talk to your sister for you?  I have no idea why she would pursue the idea even after you’ve begged her not to.  Yeesh.  

Post # 14
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hopefully you can tell them how much it bothers you and how anxious the idea makes you and they can just tell you the date and you’ll be surprised when FI or whoever takes you there.

My sister had a baby a few years before she was married. Her baby shower was a surprise and she hated it so much. She thought it all had to do with the horomones but when it came time for her bridal shower I agreed to tell her the date and location. She was surprised by theme and decorations. 

I go back and forth on whether or not I even want a shower, let alone whether I want to be surprised, but I think my family insists on surprising me since they all had to be surprised. Depending on where they tell me I’m going, I’ll probably end up in jeans and a nice top and I’ll be happy that, unlike the rest of them, I won’t be in a dress lol. 

Post # 15
22 posts

This is ridiculous on their part!! I love surprises but would want to know the time, date and general formality of the event. This is supposed go be FUN for you, not something to make you cry!! And if you hate all surprises, they should give you all the info, as it is a party for YOU, not for THEM!!

Post # 16
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you need to be very firm with them.  Say something (and mean it) like if no one warns me of the day, and I get somewhere and I am not happy about being surprised due to whatever reason, I will leave.  I will turn around and walk back out the door and you can hold the shower without me. 

They seem to think you are being fun by saying you don’t like surprises and that is not right.  At the very least, your MOH should stand up and tell you if you want to know that bad.  I think you need to be more direct and threatening (as in, you won’t stay).


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