Post # 1
So my MOH and I have been best friends FOREVER, probably since we were 8yrs old. We have been through everything together…shared lockers in high school and shared our shoulders for years. After our senior year in high school, I went to college and she moved to a different state with her then bf. All through college we would talk nearly on a weekly basis. She’d always have “boy issues” and I would be her crying shoulder and talk her through it. When she was being dumb, I would tell her the honest truth, and she would believe me. It always turned into a phone call about her, but would rarely get 2words in about my day. Which i grew accustomed to.
Well a year ago I got engaged to the love of my life. Before we even started dating, she met my now FI and said why arent you dating him yet, hes amazing and perfect for you. Little would we know 3 1/2yrs later I’d be marrying him. We talked about marriage all the time and it was always a joke that we’d be each other MOH and if we weren’t we’d be pissed.
I got engaged over a year ago and naturally asked her to be my MOH. Now she lives far away…a few day car ride or a plane ticket. I asked her to be my MOH because were were best friends, and talked about EVERYTHING together. I just wanted her to be there and call to talk to me. I didn;t want…nor expect her to be there for every waking breath. After I asked she questions not once..but TWICE if “I really wanted her to be my MOH”. The first time I was upset but understood that she wanted to make sure I knew she couldnt be there for everything. After the 2nd time i was very hurt. I balled my eyes out to my FI. I was to the point that if she asked me a 3rd time I would have told her I’d find someone else.
So the year went on and I was very hurt but wanted to push it to the side and just enjoy my engagement and the planning. She’d call and I’d clam up because I was hurt, and it got to the point that we didnt even talk. I ignored it but still hurt. So fast forward to the bachlorette party that she wanted to help plan..fine, but I told her that i didnt want anything to do with it. She would constantly text me with ideas and asking if i’d care if we did this. Well time was getting closer and my other bridesmaids were getting on top of her to plan things. So she pulled the “poor me card” and called me crying that my other BM were being mean to her. So that just made me spill the beans on EVERYTHING. Oh and when she did call she LOVED to talk about her bf and ask where hed sit and what he was going to do at the wedding. I DONT CARE!
Now, its a few months after and I am having a hard time even talking to her. I make excuses and am short with her. I am getting married on Saturday and I am dreading seeing her on Thursday. Shes flying in, and Im still really hurt. I just want to enjoy my wedding and I secretly am afraid to see her. Am I crazy? Should I be this emotional over what happened??? I just want my wedding to be one I will remember for marrying the love of my life, not dealing with my MOH. Advice? Comments?
Post # 3
She probably asked if you were sure because you live so far apart. She knows that a MOH is supposed to be there and help, but that was impossible for her. It sounds to me like she was giving you an out just in case there you had a friend close by that you would want to ask.
My best advice is make this a non-issue and have a great time at your wedding. Congrats on getting married this weekend!
Post # 4
Just remeber why you asked her in the first place to be your MOH. She has been a wonderful friend to you for such a long time. Forget about the past few months. Wedding planning can get people in a tizzy for some weird reason. Don’t waste a wonderful wedding day on worry about something silly.
Post # 5
Really? All of this resentment because she asked twice if you were sure you wanted her to be your MOH? Then when she’s not on top of things with the bachelorette and others are “getting on her” about it you flip out further? She probably asked twice because of the distance and somewhere deep down knows she’s just not good at focusing on others. You accepted that long ago, you said. I think you’re being a bit harsh to be honest…
Post # 6
Yeah I would say you overreacted as well. She was prob just making sure because she lived far away and didn’t want you to obligated to ask her. I would think your reaction made her very uncomfortable, it sure would me. Sorry 🙁
Post # 8
I have to say it sounds like you overreacted. I do the same thing to people. I ask them sometimes two and three times if they are sure because I dont want anyone to be put it out. It sounds like she was giving you an out since she is so far away. She was just making sure you didnt ask her because you felt obligated because you had been friends for so long.
To make matters worse when she called asking your opinion on things you just shut down. When your friends for so long and then you move away people change. Sounds like she was just getting your input to make sure it was something you would really like and appreciate. Sounds like she didnt want to screw it up and have you say later that you hated it.
Then when your BM’s got on her you shut down further. Its got to be hard for her to deal with things from a distance and since she cant be there for everything. But your not helping the situation by shutting her out. Talk to her and let her know that even though you know she is far away and that she is trying her best that you are sorry that you havent been as gracious as you should be.
I understand it can be stressful but its probably stressful for her too since she cant be there and maybe feels lacking in her duties.
Good luck to you!!!
Post # 10
Nah, I think there is more to the story. To moi, it sounds like she’s pretty self-centered. Why you flipped about her giving you an out about being a MOH, I don’t know, but it sounds like her behavior over the years has been pretty self-indulgent, which you have enabled, darling.
I think you’re actually having a one-sided argument. :