Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
Long story short an ex and I started dating on Christmas Eve, about 7 years ago. We dated for a little over a year and at the time that was my longest relationship. He broke up with me and I was devestated. I lost a lot of weight, I missed a lot of classes in college and ended up failing that semester and having to take the term over again. We have a lot of mutual friends so we run into each other now and then, and we always try to be cordial with each other but I have a lot of resentment towards him because of how he ended things with me.
I’ve been with my FI for 4 1/2 years now and I love him dearly. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would hate to think of what my life would be like if we hadn’t met. He literally saved me, because at the time we met I was still grieving over my failed relationship with my ex and basically not taking care of myself.
Like I said I see my ex about once or twice a year. One of my bridesmaids and her husband are good friends with my ex (I met this couple when I was dating my ex). My ex has been dating a few people since we broke up, to be expected and I keep my distance from them when I see them. In fact my FI hates that we see my ex occasionally.
So anyway last night I had a dream that I went to my exes house and we were hanging out watching a movie as friends. For whatever reason we start making out and then I left. I ended up at an outdoor concert with our mutual friends but I didn’t say anything about our makeout session to anyone and I was terrified that my FI would find out because he would leave me if he knew. My ex blabs to all our friends about our hookup and I made everyone swear they wouldn’t say anything about it again.
I woke up this morning feeling kind of weird, almost sad. I think the dream resurfaced the feelings I had for my ex when we were dating. I got dressed this morning and when I got into the car the station I listened to played a song that his band played. I felt sick. I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or get sick or what. And now I feel like I have to remind myself why I love my FI and why I don’t want to be with my ex again even if I had the chance.
I’m confused. I’ve never had this happen before. The worst part is that his brother is a doctor at the hospital I work for. I often have to see his brother. Before I would always just say hi to him and exchange pleasantries. But today I’m praying I don’t see Dr. M. I don’t know if I can handle it until I figure out what my dream meant and why I had this dream 3 days before what would have been our 7 year anniversary.
Has this happened to anyone? I feel weird and I don’t like feeling this way.
Post # 3
@NurseMandie: Im sorry your dream has upset you 🙁 However, I think finding an answer is to why you had this dream is not necessary. I am a believer that dreams are just dreams, and do not parallel a reality in your life specifically. You may have dreamed about him bc, yes, your old anniversary is coming up. You may have dreamed about him because you ate something wonky for dinner. DON’T beat yourself up over it!
And I say this because last night I had the following dream:
I walked into our bathroom, and heard someone talking in our shower. I opend the curtain to find my FI doing the deed with an ‘older’ woman – mid-40’s. I was shocked, and he was saying “Im doing her a favor. I promise, this is not emotional whatsoever”. I then asked the woman if she is aware that he loves me and we are getting married, and she was, and said she needed to borrow him for a moment!!!
I woke up PISSED, and then realized it was a dream, albeit a really really gross, awful one!! I know my FI is not cheating on me. I know my FI would not cheat on me, etc, etc. I believe my dream came to truition for two reasons: One, I am on my period and so desperately WANT to make love to my FI, but cannot at the moment (sorry, for the TMI), and two, a few days ago we were talking about one of his exes, whom he dated short term, and whom was older than him by 10 years…(we are not uncomfortable with these conversations, etc).
And there you have it!!! A mere few hours later, I had forgotten about the dream until I read this thread 🙂 YOU SHOULD TOO!!
Post # 4
I dream about a particular ex every few months. I hate it. It makes me think of all the awesome times we had and how much I loved him. Then I get to remember that he cheated on me, I caught him, and our icky break up. Every time I dream about him, I know I am going to spend the day feeling like garbage. It sucks so bad. I know that I am over him, and that I would never get back together with him in a million years even if I was not married to my wonderful husband. I never think about him when I am awake, and I wish that my brain would just get rid of memories of him so I could stop dreaming about him. Its been eight years since we split. Come on brain!
So long story short, I have no advice, but I totally get how you feel.
Post # 5
@NurseMandie: I can totally understand why this dream has upset you, but try to remember that it’s not necessarily your subconscious telling you something about your feelings. As a kid, I used to dream that my father was a vampire. In reality, he’s a wonderful, caring man. So, what does that dream mean? I chalk it up to reading too many fantasy novels. 🙂
If you’re still worried about the dream, why not go talk to a counselor? It couldn’t hurt.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
@OUgal0004: Thanks, for reasurring me that its nothing but a dream. And also for the laugh. I couldn’t really talk this out with my FI because he would get upset. I can chalk it up to just a dream and move on. It makes sense, I have dreams everynight that don’t make much sense and I don’t think twice about them. But because this is about people I know it got me upset. And the song on the radio was just coincidence. I hear that song all the time and never think anything about it other than I love the song. This weekend my FI and I will have the house to ourselves (the kids are going to my parents house for Christmas break since I still have to work) and spend the weekend/week snuggling and lots of sex lol.
Thanks for making me feel better. I really do feel MUCH better now.
Post # 7
@NurseMandie: I don’t mean to trivialise this, but this is happening right now in Neighbours!
Ive never had it happen to me personally, but I can imagine it’d be quite an uneasy thing to deal with!
Post # 8
@NurseMandie: Ex dreams are HORRIBLE. I frequently have dreams where I married my abusive ex instead of DH. I always wake up SO shaken and SO upset!
It’s totally natural to miss an ex. You weren’t with him for a year because you hated him! At some point you really loved him. And dreams have a HORRIBLE way of stirring that up!
Post # 9
Everyone dreams about their ex or old friends or random weird people from the past. It doesn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
@MammaPants: That’s kind of how I’m feeling. Its bringing back old feelings and then I remember how horrible our breakup was. UGH. Its not often that I dream about him, especially not in a romantic way. Usually if I dream about him, he’s just in my dream, or we’re fighting or something.
@TroubadourTango: I wish my ex would have turned into a vampire lol maybe then I’d be afraid of him and not dream about him anymore. LOL I get what you’re saying though. Its probably just that its close to our would be anniversary and at that time in our relationship everything was great. I need to forget about the dream and continue on with my day like I never dreamt about him to begin with.
Post # 11
@NurseMandie: I’m guessing you only dreamed about him because it’s Christmastime and you have strong memories with him involving Christmas. So, unfortunately right now Christmas is sometimes a trigger for you to think about him. The good thing is that the more awesome Christmas memories you make the less you will think of him during Christmas. There is still a sports team that I don’t like because it reminds me of a nasty ex. However, I have actually made new memories in places that reminded me of him and it helped.
Post # 12
@NurseMandie: Though I’m very sorry you’re upset, I’m so happy to hear that I’m not the only one this has happened to. I was in a VERY similar situation, and for months I dreamed about my ex. I tried talking to friends about it, and they all said, “THEN YOU SHOULDN’T BE GETTING MARRIED.”
That was probably the worst response they could have given me. I did and DO love my fiance more than words can describe. I think it’s easy to glorify people of the past through dreams or even just thinking about them, especially when we forget how bad they hurt us. We also, as human beings, typically want what we can’t have. The grass is always greener kinda thing..
I just think about it this way… My ex is the KINDEST and most loving person in the world. Why on earth would I want to be with someone that carelessly hurts me? My ex didn’t care for me 1/1000th the amount that my fiance does. I did have to sit myself down and remind myself of how lucky I am, and afterward I felt silly for ever even thinking about my ex.
It’s healthy that you’re at least being honest with yourself, though it may take time to sort through the feelings. You’re on the right track, don’t let the past pull you down!
Post # 13
@NurseMandie: I have dreams about my “ex” a few times throughout the year. I also have sex dreams about other guys as well – coworkers, randoms, etc. I always wake up feeling guilty. But I’ve realized a few things – I usually have sex dreams about other guys if my DH and I arent having enough sex and I feel less guilty when I compare my DH and whoever I am dreaming about. My DH always beats out any other guy!
Post # 14
I have ex dreams about every 2-3 months. I feel icky about them because our relationship was so horrid and ended so poorly, and he now just kind of icks me out to physically think about.
Post # 15
Hahahah your dream is hilarious.
“Im doing her a favor. I promise, this is not emotional whatsoever”.
Such a guy thing to say, even in real life lol
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
@fingerscrossed: It probably is that Christmas triggered it. But I wonder why this Christmas and not last Christmas or the Christmas before? You’re right though, I do need to make new Christmas memories so I’ll forget about said ex and never associate him with the holiday again.
@CzechBride14: You’re right, I do need to remember how my ex didn’t care for my feelings and treated me like crap. Even mutual friends of ours saw how badly he treated me and outright said he was emotionally abusive. Why would I want to be with that again? I’m sad that your friends thought because you were dreaming about another guy that you shouldn’t get married. I was honestly afraid that by posting this I was going to get that from BEES. So glad to see I’m not the only one to have this happen.
@MrsBaldEagle: Sex dreams about other guys don’t bother me so much because usually they are movie stars lol and I find it funny when Brad Pitt stalks me lol. I normally don’t have sex with randoms or co-workers although a week or so ago I had a dream that my FI died and me and his older brother hooked up. That was weird.
@Misswhowedding: Most of my exes do gross me out now when I think about them. I wish he grossed me out but I still think he’s good looking (although he was MUCH better looking when we were dating). So physically he’s still attractive to me but then I have to remind myself what an asshole he was to me. I think thats what got to me too, that in my dream he looked like he did when we were together, all my feelings for him came back and I hate that.