Dream about an ex and now I'm feeling down (long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@NurseMandie:  Im sorry your dream has upset you 🙁  However, I think finding an answer is to why you had this dream is not necessary.  I am a believer that dreams are just dreams, and do not parallel a reality in your life specifically.  You may have dreamed about him bc, yes, your old anniversary is coming up.  You may have dreamed about him because you ate something wonky for dinner.  DON’T beat yourself up over it!

And I say this because last night I had the following dream:

I walked into our bathroom, and heard someone talking in our shower.  I opend the curtain to find my FI doing the deed with an ‘older’ woman – mid-40’s. I was shocked, and he was saying “Im doing her a favor.  I promise, this is not emotional whatsoever”.  I then asked the woman if she is aware that he loves me and we are getting married, and she was, and said she needed to borrow him for a moment!!!

I woke up PISSED, and then realized it was a dream, albeit a really really gross, awful one!!  I know my FI is not cheating on me.  I know my FI would not cheat on me, etc, etc.  I believe my dream came to truition for two reasons:  One, I am on my period and so desperately WANT to make love to my FI, but cannot at the moment (sorry, for the TMI), and two, a few days ago we were talking about one of his exes, whom he dated short term, and whom was older than him by 10 years…(we are not uncomfortable with these conversations, etc).

And there you have it!!!  A mere few hours later, I had forgotten about the dream until I read this thread 🙂  YOU SHOULD TOO!!

Post # 4
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I dream about a particular ex every few months. I hate it. It makes me think of all the awesome times we had and how much I loved him. Then I get to remember that he cheated on me, I caught him, and our icky break up. Every time I dream about him, I know I am going to spend the day feeling like garbage. It sucks so bad. I know that I am over him, and that I would never get back together with him in a million years even if I was not married to my wonderful husband. I never think about him when I am awake, and I wish that my brain would just get rid of memories of him so I could stop dreaming about him. Its been eight years since we split. Come on brain!


So long story short, I have no advice, but I totally get how you feel. 

Post # 5
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@NurseMandie:  I can totally understand why this dream has upset you, but try to remember that it’s not necessarily your subconscious telling you something about your feelings.  As a kid, I used to dream that my father was a vampire.  In reality, he’s a wonderful, caring man.  So, what does that dream mean?  I chalk it up to reading too many fantasy novels. 🙂


If you’re still worried about the dream, why not go talk to a counselor?  It couldn’t hurt.

Post # 7
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@NurseMandie:  I don’t mean to trivialise this, but this is happening right now in Neighbours! 

Ive never had it happen to me personally, but I can imagine it’d be quite an uneasy thing to deal with!

Post # 8
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@NurseMandie:  Ex dreams are HORRIBLE. I frequently have dreams where I married my abusive ex instead of DH. I always wake up SO shaken and SO upset!

It’s totally natural to miss an ex. You weren’t with him for a year because you hated him! At some point you really loved him. And dreams have a HORRIBLE way of stirring that up!

Post # 9
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Everyone dreams about their ex or old friends or random weird people from the past. It doesn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 11
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@NurseMandie:  I’m guessing you only dreamed about him because it’s Christmastime and you have strong memories with him involving Christmas. So, unfortunately right now Christmas is sometimes a trigger for you to think about him. The good thing is that the more awesome Christmas memories you make the less you will think of him during Christmas. There is still a sports team that I don’t like because it reminds me of a nasty ex. However, I have actually made new memories in places that reminded me of him and it helped.

Post # 12
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@NurseMandie:  Though I’m very sorry you’re upset, I’m so happy to hear that I’m not the only one this has happened to. I was in a VERY similar situation, and for months I dreamed about my ex. I tried talking to friends about it, and they all said, “THEN YOU SHOULDN’T BE GETTING MARRIED.”

That was probably the worst response they could have given me. I did and DO love my fiance more than words can describe. I think it’s easy to glorify people of the past through dreams or even just thinking about them, especially when we forget how bad they hurt us. We also, as human beings, typically want what we can’t have. The grass is always greener kinda thing..

I just think about it this way… My ex is the KINDEST and most loving person in the world. Why on earth would I want to be with someone that carelessly hurts me? My ex didn’t care for me 1/1000th the amount that my fiance does. I did have to sit myself down and remind myself of how lucky I am, and afterward I felt silly for ever even thinking about my ex.

It’s healthy that you’re at least being honest with yourself, though it may take time to sort through the feelings. You’re on the right track, don’t let the past pull you down!

Post # 13
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@NurseMandie:  I have dreams about my “ex” a few times throughout the year. I also have sex dreams about other guys as well – coworkers, randoms, etc.  I always wake up feeling guilty.  But I’ve realized a few things – I usually have sex dreams about other guys if my DH and I arent having enough sex and I feel less guilty when I compare my DH and whoever I am dreaming about.  My DH always beats out any other guy!

Post # 14
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have ex dreams about every 2-3 months.  I feel icky about them because our relationship was so horrid and ended so poorly, and he now just kind of icks me out to physically think about. 

Post # 15
397 posts
Helper bee


Hahahah your dream is hilarious.

“Im doing her a favor.  I promise, this is not emotional whatsoever”.

Such a guy thing to say, even in real life lol

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