Post # 1
I’ve never cheated on my FI, and as far as I know, he’s never cheated on me. But this past week, EVERY NIGHT I’ve had a dream that I’ve been making out/having sex with some random guy.
In my dreams, I know I’m still engaged, and I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I do it anyway. And the guys that I’m making out with, I’ve never seen before in my life. So it’s not an ex, or an actor, or anyone I recognize.
I wake up horrified and feeling terrible 🙁
Lately I’ve been feeling like my FI doesn’t love me and/or he’s cheated on me. I’ve brought this up to him and we’ve had a talk. He jokes with me that I’m just being silly. He’s assured me that everything’s fine, and he’s happy, and everything’s ok.
I have this awful feeling that he’s about to drop a bomb on me though. We’ve been together for 6 years, everything is fine. Just for some reason these past couple of weeks, I’ve felt like something awful is going to happen. I went away for 2 weeks without him, to visit family. So he had 2 weeks by himself.
I took our bottle of lube (sorry, TMI) and turned it a certain way, and put it on a certain part of the dresser. I figured if he used it while I was gone, he wouldn’t put it back exactly like I had it… so that could be some proof of him cheating. Well, he decided to super-clean the whole house while I was gone… so it got moved because of that. I don’t check his phone or his email or anything… plus, he has so many apps and hidden programs on his laptop, I doubt he’d leave a trace.
Feeling really insecure in general I guess. :
Post # 3
@AquaGrey8962: I would back off. If you have no evidence then you may just be working yourself up over nothing. I know some women will tell you gut-feel is everything – but there is another option. A couple mental health issues list ‘sense of impending doom’ as a symptom. This means – for absolutely no reason at all – you feel like your world is about to crash in all around you.
If FI isn’t doing anything specifically suspicious – then accusing him of acts he might not have committed could be upsetting – especially as it continues. Please let that part go and start looking into finding out if you show any other signs of depression and start that journey of healing if needed.
As far as your dreams go – it could just be a sign of cold feet. No one really talks about it – but all brides get it at one point or another. You are about to make this monumental commitment – there is stress and nerves bundled in that decision itself. Try to work through those. Also, try looking around in this site. She has some good stuff for brides about to get married on her blogs and stuff.
Post # 4
I’ve had these dreams too. FI did drop a pretty big bomb on me but he wasn’t cheating. Nevertheless it upset me for months afterward.
Gut feeling isn’t everything but it is something. If your FI love you enough he wouldn’t do something to hurt you. I say you should tell him about the dreams and ask him to put your mind at ease.
Post # 5
OP, what’s the real issue here – that you had a dream about kissing someone else, or that you think your FI is cheating on you? A dream is just a dream, but concerns about your FI need to be addressed.
I browsed through a few of your old posts and you complain that your FI is lazy at the gym, a psychic told you years ago you weren’t going to marry him, he prefers masturbation over having sex…I mean, are you *looking* for a way out of this relationship? It sounds like you are. And if that’s the case, it’s okay to be honest with yourself.
Regardless, it sounds like you and your FI need to sit down and have a talk. If you’re suspicious, you need to talk to him about it.
Post # 6
I’m pregnant, and I have dreams about cheating on my husband almost every night. I promise, they’re a not-fun, rarely spoken of part of life. (I also had them a few times while we were engaged!)
Some times you have sex dreams about old boyfriends, strangers, women. One Bee tells a hilsrious story about having a sex dream that featured David Hasselhoff!
Post # 7
@BrandNewBride: I kind of want to read that…
OP: I would look to see if it’s cold feet or some underlying issue. I definitely have had my fair share of sex dreams in the last week, and the gorgeous, sculpted men featuring in the dreams were totally headless and unidentifiable. Didn’t see anything but abs and beyond. 😉 That said, I’m totally in love with my FI and he’s definitely not cheating on me. I just switched to new birth control and my hormones are RAGING!!! Lol. So that’s why it’s happening to me.
It could, as others said, also be cold feet. Or you don’t feel like he’s the one. Or you’re afraid you’re settling. Or, or or…….I have also suffered from severe anxiety issues in my lifetime and perhaps you’re having a problem with that. Impending sense of doom can be a symptom of that…It can also be a symptom of a heart attack, so…
Talk to him. Tell him about the dreams. Just..share. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with a partner anyway?
Post # 8
I think you’re probably having these dreams because you don’t trust him. You are spending so much time thinking about it that it is showing up in your dreams.
Post # 9
Both myself and my SO have dreams where we cheat on one-another and it’s like ‘whatever’. I always feel bad and he says he feels bad about it. I have a countless amount of dreams that I’m still with my ex’s even. I had one last night that he was dating a girl I’m not particularly fond of but him and I were still hooking up in secret.
I think dreams don’t really mean anything. It’s just what you build up in your head and it comes out in your subconsciousness. So maybe you’re just overthinking the cheating thing too much and feel guilty about it so in your dreams you’re cheating and feeling guilty.
That’s just my input.
I’m going to be positive for you and assume he’s a stand-up guy, but if it’s really bothering you maybe have another talk to him about it.
Also do you mind me asking why you think he may be cheating and if you’ve noticed any odd behaviour or found any possible proof?
Also, strange fact I heard, but apparently every single person that appears in your dreams are someone you’ve actually seen before that your brain remembers but you might not. I can’t confirm that fact but I think it’s neat!
Post # 10
@BrandNewBride: Oh goodness, David Hasselhoff? I had the worst one that I was having sex with George Costanza from Seinfeld and in my dream while it was happening I was just really disgusted with myself for doing it but didn’t want to pass up sleeping with a celebrity.
Post # 11
umm you seriously tried to set him up ?! That’s whacked sorry. If you think he’s cheating and don’t trust him when he says he isn’t then you guys need some therapy before getting married. Your fears should be things you talk openly about, not try to sneakily catch him. When you go looking you’ll find something. So what if he used lube? Could have been for masturbating not cheating..
has he ever given you reason to be suspicious? If not you should try talking to a professional to work through your insecurity
Post # 12
Dreams aside, hypothetical infidelity aside, if you feel the need to set a trap for someone, you are not mature enough or ready to be married. Hands down, case closed.
Post # 13
@AquaGrey8962: It sounds like you have serious trust issues. You should talk to a professional either alone or with your FI.
Post # 15
What evidence do you have that he is cheating? It sounds like you are attempting to justify your dreams by making up evidence about anything and everything you see.
You say you’ve been with him for 6 years. That’s quite a while to be with one person. It sounds like a recent issue that’s derived from your dreams. However, dreams tend to surface the things we fear most, desire most, etc. If this is a legitimate concern for your relationship, you need to discuss it with your SO. Otherwise, things will only settle into the pit of your stomach and make you feel uneasy.
Post # 16
@AquaGrey8962: I think you are just really stressed out. Dreams don’t usually mean exactly what they look like. I have horrible dreams about people being killed, some are wars, some are trying to kill me, one I had to choose to get out of dodge leaving one of my actual children behind, just taking the 4 I had with me or go find that child and risk that none of us may make it out alive. Truly horrific dreams. But they had nothing to do with my real life. Maybe you’re dreaming about cheating because you’re lacking a little oomph in your sex life. Or maybe you’re so stressed you feel like you need to escape. Often dreams about sex and/or cheating have nothing to do with sex or cheating at all. Stop trying to catch him and relax. Express to him your serious insecurities and when he reassures you try to believe him. Don’t set your relationship up to fail.