Post # 1
I love my fiancé more than anything, and I would rather chop my leg off than cheat on him. I have no feelings for any other man.
So why have I been dreaming about being in love with my ex for my entire relationship? And now a coworker too! WTF??
My ex is a mess who I haven’t spoken to in years, and I certainly don’t care to ever again. But I keep dreaming about being together and even yucky sexy stuff that makes me want to lose my lunch when I wake up. My coworker is nice enough, and we can have a good laugh, but he’s insensitive and I know he’d be a horrible romantic partner for me. But now I’m dreaming about him too!
I don’t understand why this is happening, but I know it has nothing to do with secret unconscious feelings. And I want it to stop. Do any of you have experience with meditation/visualization/etc that helps you have good dreams? I mean this has been going on for years and I’m at wits end with my awful brain.
Post # 2
ELCR : The more you think about it, the more likely you are to have it happen again. I’d suggest doing some meditation/yoga type activities before bed to help you relax and get into a different frame of mind. Beyond that, there’s nothing to feel guilty about – we can’t control our dreams.
Post # 3
skunktastic : I could use a pre-bedtime relaxing routine… I don’t just feel guilty, though, I feel upset by them. Like seeing my ex is upsetting enough IRL let alone in my brain
Post # 4
You really can’t worry about this sort of thing. I think it happens to everyone from time to time. Don’t let yourself feel guilty about something you can’t control!
Post # 5
Dreams are very rarely literal.
You also can’t control them.
And being engaged doesn’t mean you never think about another man ever, even subconsciously. The ring on your finger isn’t magic – it can’t control your thoughts and dreams and make everyone else in the world with a penis no longer exist.
Your dreams don’t mean you don’t love your FI. I think you’re probably making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be – which would be anything more than “huh – what a weird dream. Ok, now on to real life and the things I can control.”
If you’re still that bothered go pick up a book on dream analysis or get psychoanalysis to get to the root of it.
Post # 6
ELCR : I feel the same way when I’ve had this happen to me, but PP is right…the more you think about it, the more likely it is to happen again. So try to relax and not feel upset.
I agree practicing meditation could help you develop the skills to deal with this as well. I recommend the app Insight Timer. It has great guided meditations.
Post # 7
Have you tried sleep podcasts? Normally boring stories read in a soothing voice to lull you to sleep. I’ve noticed my dreams tend to change based on what story is being told, so maybe something like that would help break the cycle?
Post # 8
unnamedbee : I didn’t even know these existed! I love podcasts and being read to, so this sounds like a good idea for me
Post # 9
I’ve heard of people learning to control their dreams but I never figured out how. It’s supposed to be pretty difficult. Anyway, dreams can happen for the oddest reasons, not always because of something you want. Sometimes it’s your mind’s way of working through a fear, or something that bothers you.
I had dreams like that for a while. For some reason pregnancy set them off big time, along with garden-variety weird dreams. They bothered me so much. No idea where they were coming from, but I’m guessing they were my mind’s way of putting all my awful single-girl experiences to rest for good. Or maybe some tiny animal part of my mind was obsessing over “what if I was alone again?” None of it was how I think when I’m awake, so all I could do was shake my head and hope they would go away.
Post # 10
ELCR : I wonder if your dreams are about an underlying desire you have that’s not about actually wanting your ex or your co-worker? Maybe there is something about them that is appealing to you that you have a hard time admitting to yourself?
You said your ex is a mess and your co-worker is insensitive. Maybe this poitns to a kink you are repressing – maybe you have a desire to be dominated or degraded and within your dream that manifests in being with these kind of men?
Just a theory, but if it has been happening regularly for years, I think it’s more about trying to figure out why your subconcious KEEPS going there than trying to figure out how to control your dreams.
Post # 11
I adore my husband; he is wonderful and funny and so damn gorgeous. And despite that I still had a delicious dream recently about this beautiful man we see at the gym each week. I’m not at all mad about it.
If you can’t simply enjoy your dreams (which would be my #1 vote for a course of action)- maybe explore what significance the ex and the co-worker have for you and what your subconcious is asking for.
There are some guides on lucid dreaming if you’re really looking to control your dreams. But there’s a reason that when your mind is in a relaxed state these things are coming up. It’s better to put the time into figuring that out than repressing the dreams.
Post # 12
I have dreams about other men all the time. Not every night or anything, but off the top of my head I can think of a few acquaintances who I had inappropriate dreams about in the last year. People that in my conscious mind I’m not even attracted to. Don’t make it a big deal. It’s not a message or a sign. It’s just a bunch of jumbled-up wires crossing stuff together and giving you a scenario. It’s nothing to worry about.
Post # 13
It happens to me, too. Like other said, it’s not a big deal. It’s just dreams. Try not to stress yourself about it.