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We did black tie optional because I definitely wanted a formal feel but just plain "black tie" felt too stuffy...although honestly, these days, I don't think "black tie" means what it used to, so we probably could have done it and been fine! I really just wanted to ensure that our guests knew that this was not a casual wedding--no jeans, shorts, or t shirts! :)
Have either of you gotten any grief for it? I'm afraid that some of our extended family would think it sounds pretentious - I'm one who always loves to dress up, but FSIL has never let my fiance down for making her dress up to go to a captain's dinner on a cruise. Seriously!
@lilyfaith: We're going with "semi-formal" by which I mean women should wear dresses of any length or color and men should wear suits. Even with that, we got some negativity from some relatives saying they don't like suits, don't own suits, etc. and we told them, fine, just come in whatever your nicest clothes are. Black tie optional would never fly with our families and I honestly wouldn't want it to--we don't know many people that own tuxes and I wouldn't want people, besides the bridal party, to have to rent or buy special clothes to come. No matter what you pick, be prepared for lots of questions, clarifications, and opinions.
How do you address this with your friends and family members? I want to have mine a semi-formal, but I don't know how to let everyone know.
A wedding that I am attending in October has it under the "guest information" section of their wedding website! It also linked to a webpage that spelled out what that meant.
I've seen it on invitations and wedding websites. Some people just do word of mouth.
I'm pretty sure etiquette says it should be on the invitation or an insert, though.
@lilyfaith: We put it on the invitation, on the lower right hand corner. And if people are annoyed about it, we haven't heard it! :) I would definitely put "cocktail attire" if that's how you would like people to dress. They don't need to go rent tuxes or buy new clothes for that--everyone has a nice dress or nice slacks and jacket that they could wear, no? And if they don't have them, well then maybe this is a good excuse for them to go buy some!
I am putting it on the invite, though traditionally etiquette would have said that was incorrect. I am also putting it on my website, I think people will need a clarification, mine is sunday dress, I don't want anyone too "cocktailed" up b/c mine is a child-friendly reception! I hope it gets across the feel of clothes you would wear to church (although these days, that doesn't always mean much!)
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We're a long way out from picking our dress code, but I'm fairly certain it's just going to be cocktail/semi-formal since our venue's not very traditional.
Did you pick a dress code? What made you choose the one you did?