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Dress Code Strictly Enforced?

posted 10 months ago in Dress
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    EsqBailey    August 20, 2012   Virginia

    Yesterday, I went to my FI's cousin's wedding. She was a beautiful bride and her groom certainly doted on her the entire night. The love that they shared for each other was omnipresent and was felt by everyone invited. However...

    The beauty quickly faded when we entered the reception hall and several of the ladies there had on club attire! I saw so many pairs of underwear and ill fitting bras that my heart sank.  The perfect explanation for it was that it looked like a Gypsy wedding reception (if you've ever seen the show you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about).

    I know that I am a Type A personality that wants not only what I've put together on my wedding day to be perfect, but also for everyone there to be as well. After all, they will be in my pictures. Is it too Bridezilla-like to make a notation on my invitation to see our wedding website for the dress code? Or simply put "Formal Attire." The wedding is at a classic vineyard so wearing a more formal dress is appropriate. My only concern is that if I am not specific about what that means, I may be met by a couple of +1s in last year's prom-ish hoochie dress.

    I'm also concerned that with such a small wedding party any loud prints or light colors will look horrid in my photos. So the dress code would have to include no prints or patterns and certainly no colors lighter than Crayola Yellow.  This wasn't a major concern until last night when I saw more than a handful of girls wearing white dresses.

     

     
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    KristenGotMarried    May 19, 2012   The Cbus

    You can put 'dress casual', 'formal attire requested', etc., on your invitation, but please don't put anything like your last paragraph.  No prints, colors, patterns, etc?  Come on... enjoy your wedding and don't worry about what others are wearing.  No one likes to have someone dictate what they wear.

     
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    Eva Peron    November 2011  

    I say go for it! Guide your guests to the best of your ability.

    Where is your reception? Some venues have a dress code in place, so you can always use you venue as backup on your decsison. 

    The prints and crayola yellow clause may be a bit extreme but It really depends on the mentality of the people you are inviting.

     
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    Miss Tattoo    September 15, 2012   Pittsburgh, PA

    I'm glad that my venue enforces a dress code. So they look like the bad guy and not me! I just put their clause onto my website.

     
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    julies1949      

    You can list the requested dress code as "Formal Attire" but the rest of your post is just wishful thinking.

    If it is only the taste of the +1's you are concerned about, I doubt that these people are meaningful enough to you to be included in any pictures anyhow.

     
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    sailor    May 2010  

    I agree with Kristen.  And trust me, at your own wedding the last thing on your radar will be what the guests are wearing.

     
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    Baileyh    July 24, 2010   Vancouver

    @sailor: ditto

     
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    Wonderstruck    September 18, 2011   Detroit, MI

    This would be COMPLETELY bridezilla-ish. You're not supposed to mention dress code unless your wedding is truly black-tie (This means girls in gowns, guys in tuxes, and a generally over-the-top wedding), but no prints or light colors? No, you cannot ask this. Hopefully your friends/guests have common sense, if not it looks bad on them, not you.

     
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    Miss Tattoo    September 15, 2012   Pittsburgh, PA

    @Wonderstruck: Edited. lol I read your post wrong!

     
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    Mrs.KMM    July 17, 2010   Atlanta, GA (wedding in Indianapolis, IN)

    You can put "formal attire" or something but requests for "no prints" or "nothing lighter than crayola yellow" are a tad extreme and honestly, ridiculous IMO.

     
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    Wonderstruck    September 18, 2011   Detroit, MI

    @Miss Tattoo: Your venue has required attire, that is completely different from telling guests they cannot wear prints or light colors.

     
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    Miss Tattoo    September 15, 2012   Pittsburgh, PA

    @Wonderstruck: I read your post wrong. I changed it, but you answered before I got to! Sorry!

     
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    vanilla frosting    September 23, 2011   Philadelphia, PA

    I have 'Black Tie Preferred' on my invitatio,n which still leaves the guests open to some interpretation.  We want the gentlemen in dinner jackets and ties and the ladies in respectable dresses.  My girls are wearing knee length cocktail dresses, so I am not so hard-pressing about people being in gowns.  However, I have been to weddings where the invitation said "Formal Attire" and guests still showed up looking like they were going to a 4th of July BBQ.

    You really can't dictate color unless you are requesting something like "no one wear black" or "everyone wear white"... I've seen that done before.

     
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    Miss Root    07/04/10   Seattle

    I think sometimes wedding planning can give you tunnel vision.  I truly do understand your freak out over people wearing inappropriate outfits.  I didn't hire a band that we were considering because the band manager was wearing an inappropriate dress at the wedding we saw them at. So, I kind of understand your snap judgement based on your experience.

    HOWEVER: I strongly encourage you to leave your dress code requirements at "Formal Attire Required" and leave out any reference specific prints, colors, etc.  If you tell people they can't wear prints or any color lighter than Crayola Yellow, I can guarantee that absolutely everyone will think you are a crazy person, and once people think you're crazy, it's hard to convince them otherwise.

     

     

     

     
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    EsqBailey    August 20, 2012   Virginia

    I just don't get why people think it's okay to wear white to a wedding. As absurd as you may think I'm being about the Crayola Yellow (I admit that there was supposed to be a skosh of humor there), is as absurd as I think wearing ivory or white to a wedding. I appreciate the comments though. I can budge on the prints, but not so much the other.

     
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    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    Don't do this. It's way overboard. You really don't get to dictate people's wardrobe choices beyond the level of formality, and you WILL come off as a crazy bridezilla if you try.

     
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    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    I would actually reconsider attending your wedding if you stipulated no colors lighter than crayola yellow just on principle. I'm an intellegent human being. I don't need to be patronized by a bride.

     
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    Helper bee
    agerard23    May 27, 2012   long island

    I agree with the other pps.  It is definately ridiculous to dictate your guests attire- put formal attire and then it is up to the guests.  If I got an invitation that said "no light colored dresses" I would be pretty turned off to the bride.  It may seem like a big deal to you now, but think about the photos that will be important to you in the future- you and your groom, you and your family, you and your bridesmaids.  The other guests will not be in a lot of pictures and in 10 years it won't have mattered. 

     
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    photogestelle    February 18, 2012  

    If I saw "formal attire, no light colours, no prints" I'd probably laugh and think it was a joke. Have mor faith in your guests. Most will know what is and isn't appropriate. If you have to put something leave it at "formal attire" :)

     
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    organizedbride11    November 11, 2011   Illinois

    Gypsy wedding.. ugh when I read that I just felt bad for the couple that people actually showed up to a wedding ike that. But you know your friends and family.. Do they dress like that? I would just put formal or semi formal attire.

     
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    Busy bee
    brenna1035    August 7, 2011   Loveland, Co

    @crayfish: Me too.

    Some prints are very nice as well. I wore a printed dress to my cousin's wedding. If she had a dress code that said "no colors brighter than yellow and no prints" I would have been screwed. Sorry, but I'm not going to buy a new dress because you are anal about your pictures...

     
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    Sassygrn    June 4, 2011   Minnesota

    @EsqBailey: Wow, if I got your invite I would laugh and totally not go. No prints or colors lighter than crayola yellow. That is totally Bridezilla and your guests would think you have gone crazy

     
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    EsqBailey    August 20, 2012   Virginia

    My concern isn't those people that I invited that I know. They've already pegged me as more of a prep and that my wedding is elegant and upscale because we frequent the vineyard that I chose. It's the +1s.

    I guess what I'm saying overall though, is that there is a trend forming where people wear what they want anywhere they want. Perhaps the problem is that this also stems from my disdain for people who wear shorts and jeans to court.  People are so liberal with clothing choices that they sometimes do not consider decorum or, at minimum, the host.

    There is a good point, though, that @agerard made and I do think that's absolutely right....in the long run. But on that day, unfortunately, it will bother me and I would rather avoid it, if possible, hence my post.

     
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    Miss Tattoo    September 15, 2012   Pittsburgh, PA

    @EsqBailey: prep? Does anyone use that word after high school? Not being mean, I really just want to know!

     
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    Wonderstruck    September 18, 2011   Detroit, MI

    @EsqBailey: Unfortunately it's not possible, because you just don't get to dress your guests.

     
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    Rubies    August 17, 2013   New York, NY

    @EsqBailey: I get that you want all the ppl to dress nicely and you can certainly tell them formal attire...but unless you plan to put a bouncer at the door to kick out those whose skirts are too short or whose attire you deam unattractive, I think you just need to hope for the best.

    Also, talk to your photog and ask about photoshopping options...just because everyone has a right to wear what they want does not mean you need to leave them in pictures :)

     
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    jessiesdream    August 11, 2012   ontario canada

    I would just tell guest that the venue has a dress code regardless if it does or doesn't and send guidlines out of what you want your guest to wear with your invitaion.

     

     

     
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    Ambi D    July 8, 2016  

    @EsqBailey: I'm also concerned that with such a small wedding party any loud prints or light colors will look horrid in my photos. So the dress code would have to include no prints or patterns and certainly no colors lighter than Crayola Yellow.

     

    ^^^ This part screams zilla! Like others said, put formal attire requested on the invites and leave it at that. No one wants to be treated like a child that's not able to make appropriate choices dressing themselves just because it's your wedding. If I were a guess and received an invite specifying colors and patterns I would have a hard time focusing on the actual celebration because I'd be so annoyed.  You don't want people to remember your wedding for all the wrong reasons.

     
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    PinkPinstripes    November 2011   Boston, MA

    I'll never know why some people wear white/ivory to a wedding (when they're not the bride obviously) other than maybe in the summertime, they aren't thinking and want to wear something "light" or not show sweat in?

    On the off-chance there are people in white at your wedding and it really bothers you...you can always photo-shop the pictures :)

     
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    Ambi D    July 8, 2016  

    @PinkPinstripes: I don't understand this either. I was reading a martha stuwart wedding blogger (can't think of her name) and she wore a white dress to a wedding and people lit her up in the comments.

    Normally I'm an anything goes type of gal but there is something about a non-bride willfully wearing white dresses to a wedding that screams, "I need lots of attention even during your sacred moment".  I know some people swear it's not malicious but I have a hard time believing this isn't a conscious envious choice to detract from the bride.

    ...all of that excluding brides that ask their guest to purposefully wear white.

     
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    Honey bee
    Treejewel19    May 18, 2012   Sonoma County, CA

    One of my biggest stresses is how his family is going to dress for our wedding. They seem to be under the impression that khakis, Hawaiian shirts and white tennis shoes are appropriate for formal attire.

    My FI teases me that we should have a rental coat and tie rack (like they do at fancy restaurants) for those that show up with less than desirable attire.

     

     

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