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Just have your invitations reflect the victorian/steampunk/formality level of the event. You should not put anything about attire on the invitation unless the event is black tie (which it sounds like it is not). Adults will know how to dress themselves appropriately.
Come attired in your best Victorian togs, but leave behind the gears and cogs
I don't know that you can without it being "costumey." If I was told to dress with a victorian flair, you can bet it would be costumey.
yeah i dont think you can. once you attach "steampunk" as a label for your wedding people are going to run with it
Honestly, I would never think as a guest to dress for the wedding's theme. I'd just go in a cocktail dress (or black tie as the occasion required) and call it a day- no goggles or anything else. Let your guests wear what they want- as others mentioned, Victorian can get pretty costumey too. It'll make for good pictures :)
If your worried about how people will turn up you could have a box of "props" (hats, gloves, monocles etc) at the wedding. Make sure people know it's formal so they turn up dressed appropriately (even if it's not exactly what you wanted) and they can fit the theme using your box of props.
@Dragonsus: I LOVE IT!!! XD I may steal that if you don't mind :3
@ladyartichoke: That's a really great idea, thank you!
Thank you all for the comments too it's helping me think things through!
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Ok, I've been slightly stressing about this. My theme is steampunk/victorian, and while I love steampunk there are some things clothing wise that can look too costumy. Also its not a requirement for people to dress steampunk or victorian, but that is an option. The main dress code is formal, with victorian flair, but I know some of my friends who keep misunderstanding and thinking they can show up with a gear arm and goggles -.-....the steampunk part mostly comes from the decor and the 'story' behind the wedding, but the clothes should be more formal and classy than that. How can I get this through their heads???