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You can say cocktail attire, but you cannot dictate what color your guests wear. Sorry. You also really shouldn't put your registry information anywhere near the invites. That information is spread by word of mouth. But I'm not sure how you'll let people know if they don't even know they're going to a wedding.
@redheadem: The problem is that our families have never met and we're located in Florida. A majority of his family is in Michigan and mine is located all over the East coast. If we don't communicate the registry information with the invites, no one will know about it. I've been asked by the FMIL not to email people in her family regarding wedding planning and my family isn't very communicative. We also have a lot of people who won't be able to make it but might want to send a gift. I understand what traditional etiquette dictates but nothing about this is traditional.
It's really easy to google your names and find where you're registered. I think if people want to give you a gift, they'll figure it out.
To me, I don't think that gifts are required for an engagement party (which is what you're telling them they're coming to) so I would find it off putting to find registry info on the invite.
And I agree with redheadem, you can put that it's cocktail attire but not limit their colors. For what it's worth, my MIL wore a black outfit to the wedding and thought she looked great.
@odjesb: If you're not looking for advice on traditional etiquette, I don't really know what to say. I've never heard of this situation. What kind of advice are you looking for?
@MUI831: I agree that people won't expect to bring a gift to an engagement party, so that would be weird to have it listed on the invitation.
It isn't about traditional or non-traditional. It is about that it is always rude to direct your guests unsolicited to buy you presents. If they solicit the info you can tell them, but it will never be polite to tell guests where you are registered before they ask for it.
One thing about having a surprise wedding is that there will simply be less gifts. People don't know where they are going and won't have brought a wedding gift. There is just no polite way around this.
@odjesb: I agree with the PPs that you can't tell guests what color to wear. But where I live, people bring gifts to engagement parties. I don't really see a problem adding the little slips of paper into the invites.
The reason I asked about the registry is because people have been asking about it. In fact, we haven't registered anywhere, but our family has been encouraging it. I'm fully aware that there will be less gifts at a surprise wedding. I don't care about the gifts; I care about making my guests happy since they are traveling on the notion that it is an engagement party.
FYI - Here's the wording I decided on for the attire:
Appropriate Dress - Cocktail attire
As this is a St. Patrick's Day event, the bride and groom are asking their guests to dress in festive colors for the occasion.
@odjesb: Bride and groom is a give away isn't it? Or are you just putting those as place holders for your and his name?
@gogogiraffes: Placeholders. Once we got engaged, I guess I assumed that I was a bride and he was a groom. Haven't printed them yet, but I like it.
That sounds good! Well, even with it being bride and groom, everyone knows they are getting married so I would say it's fine.
@odjesb: I think that if you put, due to this event being held so close to _____ (insert Holiday) we'd like to make this festive. Please try to dress cocktail attaire in _____ (insert colors here) so if it's shades of green and white, put that.
I would say something like 'summer cocktail wear', 'colourful raceday attire' or 'st patricks green'. I wouldnt say 'no black' but I would make it clear I wanted people to look festive :)
@Bears-bub: ooooh Raceday atire. Very nice, granted in our family, saddly that would be pjs because they think of nascar.
@gogogiraffes: pfft haha. Classic.
Do you have an annual raceday? We have the Melbourne Cup which literally stops the nation, so if you were in Australia I would say 'Melbourne Cup attire'
@Bears-bub: We have Strawberry Hill Races. http://www.strawberryhillraces.com/
@Bears-bub: My girlfriends have started asking me what colors are appropriate so I'll leave the verbiage as such, to spark the conversation. As they say in the world of interior design, it doesn't have to match, it just has to "go" with the scheme...you know, green, white, blue, purple...
I wouldn't put anything about a registry in there. You aren't required to give a gift at an engagement party.
I have a friend who did something similar, and we mailed them a gift the week after their "surprise wedding"
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My wedding is a surprise wedding, mostly because my FMIL forced me to cancel two weddings so far for various reasons. So rather than deal with the planning, we are inviting people to our "engagement party" and an officiant will come out after everyone is assembled.
My invtations are done and since it isn't a "wedding invite," and everyone is coming from out of town (we're gathering at a central location), I feel compelled to put information regarding our registries and dress code with the accommodations and reception cards. My gals say its a great idea (they're all in the dark about the wedding), but there is a specific line I want to include.
You see, my FMIL wears black to everything...in every picture of a wedding, party, cocktail hour, etc, she is always wearing a black dress. While some women can rock this and look stunning, she just looks like she is going to a funeral. For my St. Patrick's Day celebration, I don't think it is too much to ask for people to wear something festive. I know I want to include the line "Cocktail attire," but would it be totally uncouth for me to say, "Ladies, no black please."?