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Oh gosh, yes, that is a VERY VERY expensive dress. I am not comfortable spending that kind of money on a dress. Some are, I'm not. It's so easy to have dress envy with really expensive, couture stuff, though! I mean, how can you NOT love a gorgeous $5,000+ dress, right? They are all so pretty for the most part
Try not to get sad--=somebody will always have bigger, better, more expensive things than you. If you let it get to you, you'll drive yourself nuts! I'm sure the dress you got is just gorgeous AND more affordable.
Look, i only spent $400 on my gown. Sometimes i see these dresses that are $2,000 and go "man i wish i could have bought that one!" but then i realize, i'm NOT okay spending that kind of moeny. Sure it'd be nice but I'm not comfortable with it, and it doesn't sound like you are, either.
There are PLENTY of things in the world I want that I simply cannot afford. So be it, that's life. You simply cannot let these things get to you. They'll eat you up and now it's a dress, next it's a car, then it's a house...see where I'm going? It can never end! You have to be content with what you have and find rationality in that. I can' thelp but swoon over nice things, but hell, if i can't afford them or can't justify the expensive, i brush it off.
Right choice!!! You do not want to spend all of your money on one wedding item! We could all fall in love with super expensive dresses but the point of the day is the wedding, not going in debt. If you truly want something more like the Christos, look for it and sell the Demetrios. But you said yourself you love(d) the Demetrios. Keep loving it even more for the price!
That's my two cents :)
There's a Maggie that's kinda similar to the Christos dress...Maybe you can sell the Demetrios and go for something like that if it's really eating you up?
http://www.polkadotbride.com/wp/index.php/2008/03/23/polka-dot-wedding-gown/
the dress is one of the most important part of the day....im not setting a limit...willing to spend anything for that day!
Is there anyway you might be able to find it on oncewed.com or preownedweddingdresses.com? If not that exact dress maybe something else by that designer?
I think it's natural to have dress envy tho when we see someone else (especially someone close) wearing the dress that we dream of.
Ugggg...my heart is heavy for you. Here are my 2 cents...(kinda long...)
*If $4,000 is half of your budget, you will kick yourself later when making other big life decisions and wish you had the extra money that was spent on a dress.
*There will always be someone with more money, etc. etc. It totally sucks it's your Best Man's fiancee....who knows, maybe she won't end up with it!
*I get dress envy quite a bit so I found myself a "sponsor"--LOL. So, whenever I freak out that my dress is awful, and that I just want to buy the damn Monique gown I wanted, I call her, and she helps bring me back to reality. It sounds like you have great friends so find a "sponsor" or two from them!
*I started my search with my BFF/MOH at David's Bridal...not at all where I wanted to be, but I promised FI I would at least check it out. I was sick about it considering my BFF/MOH wore a Vera Wang to her wedding. Long story short, I fell in love with an Oleg Cassini at DB and left empty handed agonizing all night about whether or not to get it. It was gorgeous, unbelievably priced, etc. etc. I asked my BFF/MOH to bring out her expensive, beautiful wedding gown and veil as I mulled my decision. We couldn't find it...During our search, i kicked a comforter bag that got knocked down out of a closet and inside were her uber expensive Vera Wang dress and $500 veil. Point of this long story---you wear the dress one day and then it ends up in a bag in your closet (metaphorically and/or literally speaking)--does it matter where it's from?
Which Demetrios is it?!?!?! Show pics or at least the style #!Hang in there! IMO, you made the right choice! :)
There is a store that sells sample designer wedding gowns at very low prices. Its called vows and there website is www.bridepower.com. If you e-mail them the gown you are interestes in they will contact you if it becomes available.
I think you made the right choice! Way to go. Striving for the "perfect" thing can drive you crazy, and I bet you will thank yourself when you have more money left in the budget to do other things because you eased up on the dress budget. I think the "sponsor" idea is a great one, and also just remind yourself, you will be GORGEOUS in anything you wear and your fiance will think so too! He's only going to appreciate the beautifulness of you, not be thinking that you should be wearing another dress :)
Hello Lady B,
I think I understand you completely because I feel the same way about a Vera Wang. Every so often I look at that Vera Wang and feel a tinge of envy that it's not going to be my dress. What I often think about though is that I did make an appointment to go try on the dresses...but I didn't even end up going. In my heart I'm truly not the type of person that would spend $10,000 on a dress because I think about the day after the wedding and whether or not I would really care about the dress so much. I think about the fabulous honeymoon I'll have and the great life my fiance and I are going to have afterward.
I think sometimes a too big a deal is made about the dress on our wedding day and designers have definitely taken advantage of that; my mom said that back in her day there wasn't much choice and that actually made things ALOT easier. Really to most people, your relatives, guests, it's just a dress. Most people I've talked to said they can't really remember what the brides dress really looked like anyway...they just said it was "pretty" or maybe "really pretty"..you know it was white and the bride looked pretty :)
Don't worry that someone else will have the dress that you think right now is of your dreams. You won't care so much later on and will be glad that you didn't spend the money on it. Wedding planning and buying stuff gets you really emotional...just know that after all the madness you will be back to your rational self and it won't matter so much anymore.
One other thing is that I've also looked at Demetrios dresses online and I thought they are absolutely gorgeous! but unfortunately I couldn't find any retailers that carry the line where I live so I didn't even get to try any of them on :( just know that someone out there envies your Demetrios dress :) can I see it?
Aw, I feel your pain...but I think you made the right choice! As much as I would have liked to splurge on the super duper fancy designer dresses, when it came down to it I took a step back and thought about all of the things I could afford to do for the wedding with the money I saved from NOT buying an extremely expensive dress (I'm not sure how much you spent on the Demetrios...but if you spent $1000, think of what you could do with the extra $3000 you wouldn't have if you bought the Christos!). That always helps me. Yes, it is your big day, and yes it is super important to find the perfect dress, but at the end of the day, you don't want to look back and regret breaking your budget over it! I'd love to see a pic of the Demetrios dress!
Remember that feeling you got when you found your first dress? Just take a moment to remember how good you felt. Really, because in the end, it's just a dress. And think of where the money spent on the 2nd dress could go towards your wedding, or a nest egg for you and your FH to start your lives together? A dress can only do so much, money like that can really make a difference. We've all had dress anxiety at one point or another, just let it go. I love my dress, I look at dresses here and go "WOW, that's a gorgeous dress, I wonder how I'd feel wearing that" and then I think of my beautiful, simple dress upstairs and it doesn't matter how good something looks on the internet, I know that I found a dress that I love.
And hey, just because the Best Man's fiancée likes the dress doesn't mean it'll suit her or she'll actually buy it ;)
Girl I get dress envy all the time but you have to spend responsibly...you'll thank yourself for it later. ((hugs))
I so agree that you made the right choice! It's so easy to get carried away with wanting everything to be "perfect," that you can easily forget about what is practical for you (and your budget!). We all want things that we can't afford. I watch "Platinum Weddings" all the time and laugh about how some of their "lighting budgets" are more than my whole wedding! Sure these weddings are breathtaking and easy to envy, but that's not what I'm able to have .... and that's just life! Be happy with the dress you have and just know that you'll be beautiful on your day no matter what! You and your fiance will be even more happy in the end to have that money to spend on things that will really matter later! Good luck! :)
i think you made the right choice. There are so many beautiful dresses out there and it's pretty easy to have second thoughts. Do you have pictures of the dress you ended up buying?
Meliss made the suggestion that if you decide you aren't happy that you could sell the dress you have and find a dress similiar to the Desiree. I found this one from the Watters 2010 line that seems similar: http://www.watters.com/product.php?coll=brides&showid=2527
Good luck!
I think dress envy is completely normal, but I think you're doing the right thing by not getting carried away with how much you want the Desiree. There are a lot of brides who get caught up in having to have the best of everything that they spend a fortune on every detail, right down to the stationery their invitations are printed on and the personalized candy, only to find that people do not appreciate that stuff. Same thing goes with the dress. Sure, it would be nice to have $4k to spend on a designer dress (and God knows, I'd own the Anne Barge La Fleur 153 if that were the case), but for what is going to happen to it after you wear it - is it worth it? Like one previous poster said, her friend stuffed her gorgeous Vera gown into a comforter bag. WTF. (LOL)
If the dress is out of your budget, don't put yourself through the buyer's remorse of purchasing the Desiree. You might love it the day that you get married, but the day you're packaging that dress up to be preserved (or you're stuffing it into a comforter bag), you might not be so happy that you spend so much out of your budget on the gown.
When I was still dress hunting, I was crazy lusting for the Anne Barge La Fleur 153 and I searched everywhere for it. I told myself that I would be willing to spend any amount of money on the dress because I could charge it, I could put my student loan money (left over after tuition was paid) towards it, I could get a second job, etc., and when I finally did find it - the dress was $3079, and I just couldn't do it. There are so many things that my fiance and I have to pay for with the wedding and so much that we want to do during the first year that we're married, so it wasn't a reasonable choice for me to make. I kept searching and found "the dress" and spent under $1k on it and now, the La Fleur dress doesn't compare to how I feel in mine, because I know I'll never regret what I spent on it.
Good luck to you! *Hugs*
You did the right thing - you should feel good about the dress you bought. I think that you probably found exactly the right dress for your day already - in budget and you must really really like it - you just haven't realized yet.
You obviously did a lot of Homework before buying your beauty. And I am sure you weighted the options, so you should not regret your smart choice. That is a ton of money to spend on a dress, and just think about all the great things you can now afford because you were a little more pragmatic in your dress selection. Plus, I think it is really normal to second guess such an important decision - I know that I looked at other dresses after I bought mine - but it is probably not good to look too much. I think you should embrace the one you bought as fate (somehow you and the current dress made a connection)!
Thank you everyone! I knew I could count on the Bees to offer kindness, empathy and support!
I purchased my dress for a bargain $400, somthing that makes my thrifty side very happy. It's 1/10 the price of the Christos! I've loaded a picture below. Please excuse the picture quality. My fiance is usually the photographer in our house, and I've been forced to rely on family members for photos, all of which are not-so-great. Maybe that is part of my problem? I need a good picture of me in the dress.
I just love the idea of a sponsor is great, deborahdub. And really, thank you everyone who commented. I feel so much better now!
Lady_B_Dress.JPG (33.4 KB, 103 downloads) 2 years old 
LadyB-Your dress is beautiful! I love the little sleeves/straps (not sure what they are called). It's gorgeous, and you got a steal on the price!!!
Lady B - Can you tell me more about your wedding? Venue and formality? I think that dress is beautiful and you look like a princess in it!
However, if you don't feel 100% I think David's has a similar dress as Christos Desiree that a bee just bought that would not carry the price tag!
That is a beautiful dress! You look wonderful in it!
Try to leave the Christos behind; twasn't meant to be.
Your dress is beautiful! If you really aren't happy though, maybe check out pre owned wedding dresses and once wed. I got my dress on there, retails over $1000 for $400!
Thanks to everyone for all the positivity! I am really feeling 100% better, and I know what I'll be reading next time I have doubts :~)
@mrscingle2be- I very nearly bought that David's Bridal dress during dress crisis #1. It is really lovely. My wedding in in May at the Fordham University Church and NY Botanical Garden. We have sort of a strange financial situation where my fiance's parents (who are very wealthy and generous and wanted a big to-do) paid for the dinner costs, and we were left with a much smaller contribution from my parents to cover everything else. So it is very formal, but we are working with a very limited budget to pull off the details of such a formal event. Does that make sense? A great deal of my dress anxiety has probably been the result of my not knowing whether I am setting the right tone for the venue with all of my choices. But that's another story!
wow! you have a very amazing venue and church! I think both look grand and the dress you bought fits them very very well!
Just for my own curiousity which room are you having dinner at? I was looking and the gallaries and now I'm curious!
Hey Lady B.... the right choice is the one you won't regret. But it sounds to me like you regret yours already...
Take a hard look at yourself, and ask yourself if you are willing to get through hardships for that specific dress. If you are, go for it. Nobody - NOBODY - has the right to tell you it's a foolish choice. Only you can know if it is... so take some time, think, and take your decision. Whatever it is, it will be the right one, I'm sure.
And try not to be envy of that lady friend of yours.... after all, she is your friend, and you want her to be happy, right? Try to be happy that she can have what she wants. There is no reason to be sad about what she can get, because whether she can get it or not, it doesn't change that fact that the dress is out of your budget.
That dress look amazing on you! Seriously. Now I have dress envy! *runs off to try on her own pretty dress*
Call me crazy, but I disagree with all of the above. This is your wedding and you want to look gorgeous. At this point, the Demetrios dress just won't do the job for you.
Also, I understand your pain--I tried on that Christos dress and it is AMAZING. I have tried on hundreds of dresses and haven't seen anything like it (even though I am buying a different dress; I decided to go with straps)
I have two solutions:
1. Find a seamstress who can make a knock-off of the Christos. I went to a great tailor in NYC called Ghost. She's might be able to do it
2. Sell your Demetrios dress on one of the weddng sites like preownedweddingdresses.com--I bet you can make a little bit of a profit, since yours was a sample. Then take out a no-interest credit card to buy your dream dress. After the wedding, turn around and sell the Christos on one of the resale sites. I bet you can get at least $3000 since the dress was featured on the TV show, Say Yes to the Dress, and seems to have a bit of a cult following. If you can recoup $3000 and make a couple hundred off your Demetrios, you have only spent $800 on the dress of your dreams
Problem solved!
I agree with modsquad, however I'd caution against counting on the resale of the Christos dress to help with the $$$ problem. Don't know the original cost of the dress but if it's around $4K then $3K seems a bit high to me for selling it used. I've been lurking on the preowned sites for a while and most used designer dresses go for about 50% of the original retail price or less. Especially if you're going to alter the dress for height etc, your pool of potential buyers will be limited. It may also take a while to sell, so be prepared to not have the cash right away. Again, if you really want the dress it's definitely a good option, but just be prepared for worst case scenarios as the resale is never a guarantee.
And actually now that I look at the Demetrios dress, it looks beautiful on you. I don't think the Christos dress is worth the extra money. If you love your dress no need to second guess it, it will be perfect!
You are getting married at my dream venue! Your wedding will be amazing.
I am going to go against the grain here and say that the Christos or a similar dress might fit the venue a little better. That said, I think the DB version will be fine, and you don't need to shell out $4k for the original.
That said, you look gorgeous and classic in the dress you've got, so whatever you decide, you will be a beautiful bride!
Please, for the love of Pete, do NOT get an interest free credit card to finance this dress. It sounds as if you have enough stress trying to figure out the details of your wedding on the budget you have. If you get a credit card for the dress, it is a slippery slope before that card is being used for all sorts of things! No one wants to start off a life heavily burdened in debt. Sorry to get all preachy, but to my mind getting a credit card to do something you shouldn't otherwise do is one of the biggest downfalls of American culture and our economy. I hate to see anyone fall into that trap, especially for a dress you will wear once! The dress you have is beeeee-youuu-tiful! I say stick with that.
(Seriously love the cap sleeves and you look like a princess. Love it!)
No credit cards! you'll then add buyers remorse to your feelings! there is always the dress that haunts us all...either because its too expensive or we're the only ones that liked it to begin with...but spending half your budget on the dress will haunt you worse than not having it...((huggs))
No no no! You look beautiful. Seriously. Please don't go stressing yourself out by adding financial risk to your situation!
If you're dying for the dress, yes...seamstresses can sometimes make something similar for much less. A friend did this. Consider similar options in other lines...or you yourself look for it pre-owned! Yes, it might still be way out of your budget (would be outta mine!) range, but it would be less painful.
If not, love the heck outta the dress you already have! It's beautiful!! Think about all the other amazing aspects of your wedding and perhaps make a splurge on something else much much smaller to make yourself feel extra special that day, without the ridiculously pricey gown!
Your dress is splendid. It looks amazing on you and I think it's totally suitable for a formal wedding. The Christos is also very pretty, but so are ten thousand other dresses. I say stick with your choice
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Hello,
I need a little bit of moral support. I had a VERY limited dress budget, and initially found a dress I loved at a Demetrios sample sale. A win! Until I foolishly indulged my morbid curiousity by visiting the Bergdorf Goodman wedding salon and fell HARD for the Christos Desiree. It was a total disaster, to the point that friends of mine banned together to give me a larger budget with which to relaunch my search. It wasn't enough for the dress of my dreams, so for a month I tried on dozens and dozens of dresses before finally coming to the conclusion that one doesn't NEED a $4,000 dress to be a happy bride, and my dress was really lovely after all. A win, yes?
Well, until our Best Man's newly minted fiance came to visit and wanted to talk dress shopping, and mentioned that Desiree is her #1 contender. I feel so sad all over again. It is going to be pretty hard to watch another lady be able to afford the dress that I want most in the world.
What I need to help with is knowing I made the right choice. The cost of the Desiree is 1/2 of my total budget- the rational side of me knows it would be patently ridiculous to spend so much. But to see it go to another is just making me so sad. I knew if anyone would understand, it would be the Bees.