Post # 1
I need a little bit of moral support. I had a VERY limited dress budget, and initially found a dress I loved at a Demetrios sample sale. A win! Until I foolishly indulged my morbid curiousity by visiting the Bergdorf Goodman wedding salon and fell HARD for the Christos Desiree. It was a total disaster, to the point that friends of mine banned together to give me a larger budget with which to relaunch my search. It wasn’t enough for the dress of my dreams, so for a month I tried on dozens and dozens of dresses before finally coming to the conclusion that one doesn’t NEED a $4,000 dress to be a happy bride, and my dress was really lovely after all. A win, yes?
Well, until our Best Man’s newly minted fiance came to visit and wanted to talk dress shopping, and mentioned that Desiree is her #1 contender. I feel so sad all over again. It is going to be pretty hard to watch another lady be able to afford the dress that I want most in the world.
What I need to help with is knowing I made the right choice. The cost of the Desiree is 1/2 of my total budget- the rational side of me knows it would be patently ridiculous to spend so much. But to see it go to another is just making me so sad. I knew if anyone would understand, it would be the Bees.
Post # 3
Oh gosh, yes, that is a VERY VERY expensive dress. I am not comfortable spending that kind of money on a dress. Some are, I’m not. It’s so easy to have dress envy with really expensive, couture stuff, though! I mean, how can you NOT love a gorgeous $5,000+ dress, right? They are all so pretty for the most part
Try not to get sad–=somebody will always have bigger, better, more expensive things than you. If you let it get to you, you’ll drive yourself nuts! I’m sure the dress you got is just gorgeous AND more affordable.
Look, i only spent $400 on my gown. Sometimes i see these dresses that are $2,000 and go “man i wish i could have bought that one!” but then i realize, i’m NOT okay spending that kind of moeny. Sure it’d be nice but I’m not comfortable with it, and it doesn’t sound like you are, either.
There are PLENTY of things in the world I want that I simply cannot afford. So be it, that’s life. You simply cannot let these things get to you. They’ll eat you up and now it’s a dress, next it’s a car, then it’s a house…see where I’m going? It can never end! You have to be content with what you have and find rationality in that. I can’ thelp but swoon over nice things, but hell, if i can’t afford them or can’t justify the expensive, i brush it off.
Post # 4
Right choice!!! You do not want to spend all of your money on one wedding item! We could all fall in love with super expensive dresses but the point of the day is the wedding, not going in debt. If you truly want something more like the Christos, look for it and sell the Demetrios. But you said yourself you love(d) the Demetrios. Keep loving it even more for the price!
That’s my two cents 🙂
Post # 5
There’s a Maggie that’s kinda similar to the Christos dress…Maybe you can sell the Demetrios and go for something like that if it’s really eating you up?
Post # 6
the dress is one of the most important part of the day….im not setting a limit…willing to spend anything for that day!
Post # 7
Is there anyway you might be able to find it on oncewed.com or preownedweddingdresses.com? If not that exact dress maybe something else by that designer?
I think it’s natural to have dress envy tho when we see someone else (especially someone close) wearing the dress that we dream of.
Post # 8
Ugggg…my heart is heavy for you. Here are my 2 cents…(kinda long…)
*If $4,000 is half of your budget, you will kick yourself later when making other big life decisions and wish you had the extra money that was spent on a dress.
*There will always be someone with more money, etc. etc. It totally sucks it’s your Best Man’s fiancee….who knows, maybe she won’t end up with it!
*I get dress envy quite a bit so I found myself a “sponsor”–LOL. So, whenever I freak out that my dress is awful, and that I just want to buy the damn Monique gown I wanted, I call her, and she helps bring me back to reality. It sounds like you have great friends so find a “sponsor” or two from them!
*I started my search with my BFF/MOH at David’s Bridal…not at all where I wanted to be, but I promised FI I would at least check it out. I was sick about it considering my BFF/MOH wore a Vera Wang to her wedding. Long story short, I fell in love with an Oleg Cassini at DB and left empty handed agonizing all night about whether or not to get it. It was gorgeous, unbelievably priced, etc. etc. I asked my BFF/MOH to bring out her expensive, beautiful wedding gown and veil as I mulled my decision. We couldn’t find it…During our search, i kicked a comforter bag that got knocked down out of a closet and inside were her uber expensive Vera Wang dress and $500 veil. Point of this long story—you wear the dress one day and then it ends up in a bag in your closet (metaphorically and/or literally speaking)–does it matter where it’s from?
Which Demetrios is it?!?!?! Show pics or at least the style #!Hang in there! IMO, you made the right choice! 🙂
Post # 9
There is a store that sells sample designer wedding gowns at very low prices. Its called vows and there website is http://www.bridepower.com. If you e-mail them the gown you are interestes in they will contact you if it becomes available.
Post # 10
I think you made the right choice! Way to go. Striving for the “perfect” thing can drive you crazy, and I bet you will thank yourself when you have more money left in the budget to do other things because you eased up on the dress budget. I think the “sponsor” idea is a great one, and also just remind yourself, you will be GORGEOUS in anything you wear and your fiance will think so too! He’s only going to appreciate the beautifulness of you, not be thinking that you should be wearing another dress 🙂
Post # 11
Hello Lady B,
I think I understand you completely because I feel the same way about a Vera Wang. Every so often I look at that Vera Wang and feel a tinge of envy that it’s not going to be my dress. What I often think about though is that I did make an appointment to go try on the dresses…but I didn’t even end up going. In my heart I’m truly not the type of person that would spend $10,000 on a dress because I think about the day after the wedding and whether or not I would really care about the dress so much. I think about the fabulous honeymoon I’ll have and the great life my fiance and I are going to have afterward.
I think sometimes a too big a deal is made about the dress on our wedding day and designers have definitely taken advantage of that; my mom said that back in her day there wasn’t much choice and that actually made things ALOT easier. Really to most people, your relatives, guests, it’s just a dress. Most people I’ve talked to said they can’t really remember what the brides dress really looked like anyway…they just said it was “pretty” or maybe “really pretty”..you know it was white and the bride looked pretty 🙂
Don’t worry that someone else will have the dress that you think right now is of your dreams. You won’t care so much later on and will be glad that you didn’t spend the money on it. Wedding planning and buying stuff gets you really emotional…just know that after all the madness you will be back to your rational self and it won’t matter so much anymore.
Post # 12
One other thing is that I’ve also looked at Demetrios dresses online and I thought they are absolutely gorgeous! but unfortunately I couldn’t find any retailers that carry the line where I live so I didn’t even get to try any of them on 🙁 just know that someone out there envies your Demetrios dress 🙂 can I see it?
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
Aw, I feel your pain…but I think you made the right choice! As much as I would have liked to splurge on the super duper fancy designer dresses, when it came down to it I took a step back and thought about all of the things I could afford to do for the wedding with the money I saved from NOT buying an extremely expensive dress (I’m not sure how much you spent on the Demetrios…but if you spent $1000, think of what you could do with the extra $3000 you wouldn’t have if you bought the Christos!). That always helps me. Yes, it is your big day, and yes it is super important to find the perfect dress, but at the end of the day, you don’t want to look back and regret breaking your budget over it! I’d love to see a pic of the Demetrios dress!
Post # 14
Remember that feeling you got when you found your first dress? Just take a moment to remember how good you felt. Really, because in the end, it’s just a dress. And think of where the money spent on the 2nd dress could go towards your wedding, or a nest egg for you and your FH to start your lives together? A dress can only do so much, money like that can really make a difference. We’ve all had dress anxiety at one point or another, just let it go. I love my dress, I look at dresses here and go “WOW, that’s a gorgeous dress, I wonder how I’d feel wearing that” and then I think of my beautiful, simple dress upstairs and it doesn’t matter how good something looks on the internet, I know that I found a dress that I love.
And hey, just because the Best Man’s fiancée likes the dress doesn’t mean it’ll suit her or she’ll actually buy it 😉
Post # 15
Girl I get dress envy all the time but you have to spend responsibly…you’ll thank yourself for it later. ((hugs))
Post # 16
I so agree that you made the right choice! It’s so easy to get carried away with wanting everything to be “perfect,” that you can easily forget about what is practical for you (and your budget!). We all want things that we can’t afford. I watch “Platinum Weddings” all the time and laugh about how some of their “lighting budgets” are more than my whole wedding! Sure these weddings are breathtaking and easy to envy, but that’s not what I’m able to have …. and that’s just life! Be happy with the dress you have and just know that you’ll be beautiful on your day no matter what! You and your fiance will be even more happy in the end to have that money to spend on things that will really matter later! Good luck! 🙂