Post # 1
During the past month I’ve spent a couple weekends going to a few bridal stores to try on dresses. I went with my awesome Aunt. My mom and I — we’re not the best of friends and she was on vacation anyway. So I found one– a dress I absolutely loved and would fit our winery venue to a T. So I made another appointment with that same store to show that dress I love to my best friend Maid/Matron of Honor and my mother. My aunt was also there.
I tried the dress on — now the sample doesn’t fit me. Its a bit small, and I’m just too big. I’ve started working out a bunch the past couple weeks and watching what I eat, and though I haven’t lost any weight except a couple of pounds, I know I’m toning up and my regular clothes fit better than they did two weeks ago. This dress also zipped up more than it did the first time I tried it on. Anyway, I came out and stood in front of the mirror on the pedestal. My Maid/Matron of Honor shrieked with love and I looked at my mom at the mirror — such a face of horrible dislike and utter disgust. She said some words in another language to my aunt which basically were “i don’t like it. she looks so big in it”. 🙁 After trying to get her opinion and then getting it out loud as “you look so heavy in it” and then having the super nice store owner tell me it was flattering and trying to talk my mom into knowing that when its ordered in my size it’ll look better.. I took the dress off and we headed home.
In the car ride she says “can I tell you something?” I said “sure” and she goes, in front of my aunt and my best friend, “I will pay for your Jenny Craig.”
Silence in the car.
Maid/Matron of Honor tried to help and chatted with me some. We got home, out of the car, aunt and best friend went inside the house and mom stayed with me outside to tell me that I “need professional help” (from Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers) and that “nothing will look good on” me and “you’re not losing any weight”. Way.To.Go.Mom. Constructive criticism at its finest — sarcasm. I held back tears and stood there while she repeated herself over and over again.
I know I need to lose weight. I’m not happy where I am now and I know I can do it… but the fact she told me NOTHING would look good on me. She wasn’t looking at me in the dress. She was just looking at me, thinking about how horrible I looked. 🙁 Now, nothing against Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers — I’m just venting about the lack of support I get from her. She criticizes me with everything. My weight, of course, is number one, there was also the major I chose in college, the job I chose after that, previous boyfriends, etc etc. We’ve never had a daughter-mother moment and I don’t think we ever will. She’s horrible and plain mean. I cried all night and again this morning and teared up a couple times at work. Sigh.
Sorry about the long post. Thank you for the cathartic vent/rant.
Post # 3
Wow, I am so sorry for you. (((HUGS))) Maybe try not to let your mom in on the details, and if she questions why you are leaving her out, then explain to her that since she never has anything nice to say then you don’t want her negativity putting a damper on what’s sposed to be the happiest time in your life. Start including your Aunt more, since she seems to have the right attitude.
PLEASE don’t let your mom get you down, whatever you do. You are losing the weight, even if she can’t see it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
I’m so sorry. 🙁 I never understand how mothers do this kind of thing to their children. Mothers are supposed to be…well, mothers – 100% supportive and sweet and loving. (((hugs)))
Post # 5
Well there isnt much I can say to make you feel better other than that was just plain, rude, wrong and uncalled for on your mother’s part.
IF you like that dress you get the dress and in the mean time keep doing what you have done these last few weeks. Eat right and workout. If at some point you feel you need help from WW feel free to get it, but dont feel you have to. Lose weight because you want to be healthier, not because your mom told you you need to.
Remember your fiance is marrying you because of who you are. Your self worth is not tied up into your looks, but the person you are. Its important to be healthy, but its also important to love yourself at your current size and any future sizes.
Post # 6
I’m sorry that you are suffering through her negativity. Just about every girl wants her mothers approval. Well we all know that she is wrong and that most likely she has hated herself her whole life. Don’t let he dictate your love for the dress, you had another great support system and they loved it on you. That is what counts. Just keep on doing what you are doing and enjoy your success.
Post # 7
@Apple Cake: oh sweety, I’m so sorry to hear that *hugs* I wish I could encourage you, that I’m sure you looked gorgeous in your dress, and when it comes in in the right size it will be perfect on you. Don’t let what your mom say get you down, continue with your home workout, look in the mirror and know you are beautiful. I’m sure your Fiance believes so! 🙂
Post # 8
my mom can kinda do this too, and even though it is coming from a place of concern and wanting me to be happy and healthy, it still hurts and is very difficult to hear. especially when she scrutinizes everything i eat and comments on facebook posts when i post photos of something i bake. i try and ignore the hurtfulness of it as best as i can and focus on the fact that she truly wants me to feel at my most beautiful.
Post # 9
Sorry, so so uncalled for. As long as you are eating healthy and have no medical problems I promise you will lose the weight without needing to spend hundreds of dollars. I did it and I am the laziest person in existance. Get the dress you want, and forget her negativity. She is saying stuff like that because she is feeling insecure.
Post # 10
Oh you poor thing. That’s really horrible to hear those kinds of things from someone who is supposed to love us and be nice to us. Even when reality proves differently it is hard to know it rationally. Her attitude is not a reflection of you, how you look or who you are as a person. It is one hundred percent a reflection of your mother (I’m sorry to say that about your mum). It is difficult to look at our parents objectively, but if she is not supporting or kind to you that is not your fault. The only thing to take away from that interaction is that these are her issues and not your own. Hang in there!
Post # 11
Thank you girls so very much. I’ve been debating this since it happened and I’m guessing since I don’t have such great self-esteem, I was thinking she was right when both my fiance and best friend were telling me that what she said was mean and uncalled for. Its hard. Thank you all for being there for me. I appreciate you all so much and this entire network of wedding bees!
Post # 12
I’m sorry for what your mom said during dress shopping, it was rude and certainly uncalled for. I hope you find a way to move past this and make the most out of the situation. As a product of a very critical mother, I find it important to remind myself to take the high road, as there are probably many insecurities and issues surrounding your mother’s behavior. It is not excusable and she should support you rather than bring you down. *hugs*
Post # 13
I just teared up a little bit for you! That makes me so angry! Trust me, it isn’t you, it’s HER! You, 9 times out of 10 (because I have no picture and my opinion on your obviously gorgeous dress is irrelevant, but if it’s the dress for you, then I’m saying 10/10), looked AMAZING! Haters are going to hate, but know that we love on the Bee 🙂
Post # 14
Holy smokes. My jaw dropped at all her comments, and especially her insensitive offer in the car. I’m so sorry. My mom and I have a similar lack of relationship. I thought we could go have fun as in “yay! mom and daughter wedding dress try-on time” but it seemed she just wanted me to try on the one dress and get out of there. She was satisfied, and not warm about the occasion at all. Dull reaction to the engagement, dull reaction to any news in my life. I realized that she and my dad were the worst two people in the world to go dress shopping with. So I went to a shoppe on my own, and then had a second visit with my Maid/Matron of Honor and bought my own outstanding dress. I’ve grown to accept my mom’s antics as her antics, be kind to her, but keep my boundaries. It is an art form unto itself, and something I still struggle with from time to time, but the situation has improved and I luckily have a great support system otherwise that makes up for her. SO! Having said all that, concentrate on you. Surround yourself with good people, supportive people, and caring people who will work with you and not tear you apart inside. Stick to your agenda, whatever it is, and be proud of the lovely lady you are. Trust that on your special day you will be stunning and glamourous and graceful, because these attributes are already a part of who you are. 🙂
Post # 15
I am so sorry! My mom can be pretty rough sometimes so I know where you are coming from. Just know that, at the end of the day, you will be with the man who loves you just the way you are and things you are the most gorgeous woman alive. No matter what your mom says!
Post # 16
My tummy turned over reading this. Why are people so mean to others? Did your mom think your feelings wouldn’t be hurt by her awful words? What the heck?!
Every bride looks lovely. Don’t let your mom ruin this for her. Just cut her out of the dress process (hello boundaries!). Don’t invite her to fittings, don’t share stuff with her. HUGS!