Weddingbee boards

I'm sure every bride goes through this.... But I just wanted people's thoughts on what they think I should do.

My story starts back in March/April of this year, when I found I dress I thought I wanted to buy. I loved it (it was the "AHA/OMG/This is it!" moment when I put it on), but my mom didn't. I now realize her dislike had to do with the fact that it was a corset-back dress and because of my, um, sizeable derriere, where the corset ended unfortunately made it look way bigger than neessary. Ok, fine. I kept looking. All in all, I think I probably ended up trying on about 25 dresses.

In July we went to the Kleinfeld's sample sale, and I ended up walking away with a dress that I liked (perfect in many way, but not in others; and didn't have the "OMG this is it" moment either), but cost $1500. Granted, it probably retails for at least $2400 or more, so I got a darn good deal. And though I only wanted to spend $1000 on my dress, my mom was kind enough to pick up the extra $500. But now, as my budget is starting to become real and we're starting to book vendors and such, the fact that I spent $1500 on a dress, plus all the alterations I'll need to do (and lord knows how much that will cost), is starting to eat away at me and not in a good way. I will need it taken in at minimum, and the dress is A-line in shape and I want to make the skirt a little straighter (the dress has almost no construction and tons of seams so I don't think it should be that complicated to do). But it's still extra $$. I've see other dresses that are somewhat similar to what I have that I like better style wise and are way cheaper (either retail or new/sample dresses online that I can buy from other brides or resellers). And even if I had to get alterations, it would still give me back least $300-$500 if I can hopefully sell the one I have now.

Should I keep the dress I have and find other ways to cut costs, or should I sell it and get another dress that costs much less and that may need fewer alterations?

@Noritake: I just have no clue how much alterations cost. Since I bought a sample, I'm on my own for finding a seamstress. So assuming what I want to do might cost $500, that's $1500 out of my pocket that I'd spending.

@ danielle - I unfortunately do not have pics of me in the dress I currently own, but here are some pics from the designer's website:

Pros of the dress I bought: It's made of silk and totally lightweight - I'm getting married in July in NY State, so it will probably be very hot, so fabric was important. The train isn't too long. It fits well (though I plan to drop at least 15lbs, hopfully more in the next 6-9 months, hence taking it in). It's very simply constructed so altering it will be seemingly easy (no interior construction, boning, etc., and as mentioned, several vertical seams).There is a side zipper, which is great for easy on/off and not ruining/disrupting the lines of the dress.

Cons: No construction at all means I have to wear a more firm control foundation garment, which could make me more sweaty/icky/uncomfortable than a dress w/more construction. The detailing is is subtle, but now I think a little too subtle. I could have a seamstress add more, but that costs more $. The neckline isn't enough of a sweetheart for me - I found slightly more dramatic necklines more flattering. Again, it's a simply constructed dress that a seamstress could probably remedy easily, but adds to cost.

I just feel like if I'm going to alter the heck out of it to make it into something I want, it wasn't really worth buying at that high price. I could have bought a $500 dress and redone it.

As for purchasing a new dress, I found this dress on sale (it's a sample in near perfect condition, and it's all ivory w/ivory sash), not w/red accents as pictured) online at preownedweddingdresses.com in my size for $290. It has detail along the neckline and along the bottom of the dress, a more dramatic sweetheart and defined waist, and a cute sash (also helps with waist definition). I also really like the pleats on the back at the lower part of the waistband. I probably wouldn't do anything to it unless it needed to be taken in.

This is just one example, but there are others.

Does this help?

@danielle - thanks so much for your advice - I really do appreciate it! I hate to be one of those girls who always needs her mom's approval, but despite getting this dress because we both (at the time) really liked it, it is becoming clear that I would rather spend my money elsewhere., particularly since costs for the rest of my ensemble, alterations, etc are starting to add up very quickly!

The dress, even though it was important to me to find one I liked, was comfortable and looked good in, was never the financial priority in my mind. I was planning on selling my dress after the wedding anyway. I do secretly LOVE David's Bridal's new dresses but my is TOTALLY anti-David's Bridal on principle. I'm going to see if I can sell my dress to a consignment shop locally as a first pass, and then try to sell it online. I had a friend who got married several years ago, and did the same thing. She bought a Vera Wang sample at the boutique, and her Korean grandmother disapproved, but she ended up getting something better and cheaper at the Vera Wang sample sale and sold her dress on ebay. So I don't feel like it's so out of the ordinary...

thanks for the insight about attempting to sell your dress. I have exactly 9 months till my wedding, so in theory I have 2-3 months to figure it out. I was planning to start hunting for a seamstress in January so I could just put it up for sale now and see if I get any bites.

@cre - i guess that's my big fear: there's so many things i want to change, i'm just afraid of what it's all going to add up to. i still have to buy shoes, my veil, and a foundation garment (that'll probably be about $150-$200). in an ideal world (beyond taking it in), i'd make the neckline a more dramatic sweetheart, make the skirt less of an a-line, and add some more lace/bling (which I'd probably buy myself and just have a seamstress attach). i have no clue how much that might cost, but that's a lot of work i think. sigh!

a bit of an update on two fronts:

alterations: i've gotten some quotes from a few independent seamstresses, and the range is anywhere from $350 - $1000 (and obviously a rough estimate as none of them have seen the dress in person or me in it). the higher end freaks me out, but apparently 2 out of 3 seamstresses said that even taking in this dress if i lose a significant amount of weight (because of the positioning of the zipper on the side and the applique & beadwork on the side) could be pricey. one of these lovely women offers a free consultation and lives very close to me, so i'm going to bring my dress home from my mom's place in NJ when I'm there for Thanksgiving, and make an appointment to have her evaluate my requests vs. costs. if i can work out $500 or less, i think that's something i'm ok with being able to afford. i just fear getting a new dress and not being able to sell the one i have for a price i want.

new dress options: so i can allay my brain's freaking out, i am going to have two more dress-trying-on sessions to confirm once and for all that a) there is a dress out there that fits me better and i can get for way cheaper, or that b) the dress i currently own is what i should stick with and maybe i will just have to prioritize what i want to do with it to cut costs. one of these sessions i had tonight at David's Bridal. I've have been oggling their dresses for MONTHS and MONTHS, and finally fed my curiosity. it was a helpful trip because i tried on a few styles i hadn't even considered before, including one of those big huge puffy dress w/lots of pickups and sparkles and beading, and i have determined the following:

- i still do not like big huge puffy dresses (phew)

- a line shapes work for me, if they are not big skirts. there seems to be a fine line between an a line and a ball gown these days, and the dress i have now (sans the tons of crinoline) is approaching ballgown. so i would definitely have to make the skirt a slimmer a line

- ruching really works for me, but more is better. in my heart of hearts i wish the dress i have now had more, and that it came down further past the wasitline.

- i need more bling and "stuff". this is probably the easiest request i can make, specifically because my plan is to shop for the stuff myself - the fashion district and LES have ENDLESS options so i'm sure i would have no problems finding additional appliques and crystals that are a near match for what's already on the dress. so that would just mean the cost/labor of the seamstress sewing the stuff on.

- i might not really need a deeper sweeheart neckline. most of what i tried on had my beloved crumbcatcher shape or a gentle sweetheart that my current dress has. i think if i bling it up more and add more details, that might help. and if the seamstress can add some structure (bra cups or something like that), that might help too.

next week, i'm going to macy's where i might hopefully be able to try some dresses that i had been eyeing even before i got the one i have. i've used netbride.com (which i can't recommend enough if you've found a dress from one of the brands they carry that you love and know your exact size but feel like you can't afford to pay retail) and gotten some quotes already so i know i'd be spending next to nothing if i buy a new dress.

sigh! thanks for listening and dealing with my neuroses hive!