Post # 1
Okay, here’s the scoop:
My mom is a conservative, budget-wielding person, who dislikes shopping and wants me to get a dress for under $1000. She already is upset about my choice of a destination wedding, and has made it clear that I have dissapointed her with my venue choice. She is being grumpy and un-fun about this whole process.
My mother in law to-be is a free-spirit spendthrift who LOVES shopping and is chomping at the bit to take me dress shopping. She wants to take me downtown Chicago to the bridal salons where dresses are $3000 and up. Emphasis on the “and up” there. She is super excited about the wedding.
Obviously, it would be more fun to shop with my MIL, but I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings. Taking the two of them together probably won’t work either—not good. I don’t know how to handle this situation. I want to look at nice dresses but ultimately I want to buy something that’s in the middle, around the $2000 mark. My budget for the dress is probably $3k max, but that doesn’t mean I wouldnt enjoy looking at more expensive dresses. There’s also a chance my mother in law would “spring the difference” if I fell in love with a dress out of my price range, but I’m not banking on that. My mom would NEVER do that. She judges me on everything I do that isn’t according to her plan of a $10,000 wedding at our local church. NOT HAPPENING. I don’t understandwhy she has to judge the way I spend MY MONEY. She may think a $3000 dress is silly, but if I love it, and can afford it, why make a judgment on me?
Post # 3
Your mom is definitely wrong to judge you or the way you spend your money. It sounds like you are an independent adult and you don’t depend on her to help you so it’s really none of her business.
Lord knows a girl can have enough drama and episodes throughout the wedding process so I would avoid them where you can and make yourself happy first. Go shopping with your FMIL. If you find something you love and you end up buying, explain to your mother you just went on a whim, you didn’t mean to leave her out but you would love to have her come with you to see it when it comes in and for fittings. And i think you could fib a little about the price if it would make the situation better. Good Luck
Post # 4
Id definitely go with your mom first, I think she might be upset if you leave her out of the dress shopping process. Even if she dislikes shopping, Im sure shed want to be with you while you are trying on wedding dresses. Make sure to try on some that are in her price range too (you never know, you might fall in love with a $1000 dress!). Maybe you can go a different day with you MIL and have the experience with both of them.
IS there a reason you cant go with both? Do they not get along? Maybe if they dont know each other well you can make it into a fun girls day, try on dresses (at a “regular” place and “upscale” place) and have lunch after.
Post # 5
And maybe if you do go with both, FMIL can act as a bit of a buffer to your mom’s “debbie downer” attitude.
Post # 6
I was in a similar situation and my mom still makes comments on how much I paid for my dress (I could afford it and it was all my money). I would advise that you go shopping with your mom first. I did, and it was one of my worst wedding experiences so far, but it showed me that she wasn’t going to change and relieved me of any guilt I would feel if I had bought my dress without at least trying to get her involved. After that, I went shopping by myself or with friends until I found my dress. So I say go the first time with your mom, see how it goes, and after that, feel free to go shopping with your FMIL.
Though I think if you think there’s any way it would work, it might be good to see if you can go shopping with both of them. Your mom might be less critical in front of someone else and maybe your FMIL’s enthusiasm will rub off (one can always hope, right?). And just pick the shops yourself – most stores that will carry $2K dresses will also have more expensive ones you can try on.
Post # 7
I know this post was a while ago but I had a very similar situation. I went shopping 3 times with friends to have a more fun experience but wasn’t really ready to buy. Then because I happened to be visiting, I went with my FMIL near her house and had a really nice time, she was oohing and aahing and told me I looked gorgeous. I really loved a dress that was at the top end of my price range but knew I didn’t want to buy a dress out of town (where my FMIL lives) so went home to try it on again. Then I took my sister to see it and she didn’t love it – I really trust her opinion. I ended up really loving a different dress on that trip! I took my mom to see it the next day (today) and bought it! My mom is definitely no nonsense and doesn’t hand out compliments easily. Also, she would love if my dress cost $5 with free alterations – unrealistic expectations! But when she saw me in this dress she said “it’s very flattering and pretty” – I was so happy she didn’t say she hated it that I bought it! I was definitely dreading it – I thought her cheap attitude and lack of compliments would bring me down so I really didn’t want to bring her at all. But in the end, I am glad I got that “approval” from my mom before I bought. I kind of wish I had tried on more dresses for her…but moms don’t change I think. I think she really would have felt bad if I didn’t bring her at all but just came home with a dress but I basically minimized her involvement for my own sanity. The trip with my FMIL was great and fun but more like a trip with a friend. I think I would have felt a tiny bit guilty telling my mom I bought with my FMIL. I’d probably go back and buy it alone if I found the one that day. I really trust my sister (also my MoH) and she was the most important person to bring with me in the end!
good luck with your shopping – update us on what you decided to do!