Post # 1
I was given a wedding dress from my stepmother, and I’ve been in the process of tearing it apart and remaking it to save my fiance and I money since we are the only ones paying for our wedding. Also my mom won’t be able to go wedding dress shopping with me so I figured I wouldn’t have to go dress shopping alone this way. We’re about to move really close to my fiance’s family, and my fiance said his mom would really like it if I invited her dress shopping with me. I have no problem going shopping with his mom, or involving her with wedding planning, but if I take her dress shopping with me, chances are she and I are going to find a dress we like enough to buy, and that’s not in the budget. I’m fairly certain he’s already assured his mom that I’m going to take her to look at dresses :/
Do I call her and tell her that we can go, but we can’t actually buy a dress? Or tell her I’d rather not go? My fiance knows what a dress could potentially cost, but he said he doesn’t care if we find a dress and buy it. I’ve already explained to my fiance that we can’t just go buy a dress ’cause we don’t have the money, but he seems to think it will just work itself out. We’ve got a lot of time before the wedding, but we’ll be putting aside money for him to legally adopt my daughter, and be buying a house. We don’t have very much wiggle room.
Post # 3
@anne626: In my opinion, there seem to be two big issues that this situation is bringing out that you need to discuss:
1) In-Law Boundaries. Why is Fiance assuring his mom you will do something with her before he made sure that was OK with you first? I can see if he didn’t think it was a big deal, but I think you should let him know that he needs to check with you first before speaking for you.
2) Money. You guys could sit down and discuss the budget overall for the wedding and also- tell him you do not feel comfortable spending money you don’t have. Also discuss how you plan to handle money in your marriage- this is a hot topic for most couples and usually a source of conflict, so the sooner you make some agreements with each other, the better.
If I were you, I’d tell your fiancee and your Mother-In-Law that while you want to include her in the wedding planning but that you would really prefer not to go dress shopping, since you already have started re-working a dress you already have.
You can ask Mother-In-Law to come for the fittings.
Post # 4
I think that if you have no problem taking your Future Mother-In-Law and you would like to go dress shopping, if he tells you that it’s ok if you like and buy one, then do it!
you don’t HAVE to buy, but if u find a dress you really like for your wedding, and you future hubby is ok with paying it, then you should not worry as much. Sure, it’s good to care about your finances and all, but a dress is just one expense, and if you manage yourselves the right way, maybe you can pay it and still have money for other stuff..
Post # 5
I went dress shopping with my Future Mother-In-Law and maid of honour, and it was great. (My mom lives far away and couldn’t come.) We had a great time and I know it meant a lot to her.But I think it depends on the person and your relationship.
Also, I don’t think that you should go dress shopping at all until you’re sure (1) that you want to buy a dress, (2) who is paying, and (3) what your budget is. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for disaster. What if you fall in love with a dress you can’t afford? Bad news bears.
Post # 6
I definitely wouldn’t go dress shopping if I KNEW I couldn’t afford to buy one…it will just create disappointment.
Post # 7
I think he assured her because he was trying to surprise me. I had been planning on going dress shopping with my mom, but due to our move we won’t be able to fit in the time, and our budget has changed since then. And we sit down before every payday to discuss our budget, because I make most of the minor finance decisions, and then make him aware of them. He’s just really laid back and thinks maybe we’ll run into money somewhere :/
And I am pretty anxious about falling for a dress that I know I can’t have, but on the other hand, his mom never had any girls and I guess this is really important to her. I found out this afternoon she’s already written down some stores she wants to take me to :/ I talked to my mom about it and she says she’s willing to match whatever his parents and I are willing to put in a dress up to a certain dollar amount, but I don’t want to stipulate dress shopping with his mom on her ability and willingness to chip in on it.
I don’t want to call her up and tell her no now that she’s set on it, but I don’t see where the money will come from. Maybe my fiance could bring up the money issue with his mom? I don’t feel very comfortable doing so, I don’t want her to think I’m trying to push her into spending money. We have a good relationship, but I’m just not comfortable reversing what my fiance has set in motion, or having the money talk with her :/
Post # 8
@anne626: I would def let your Fiance have the money convo with her… he’s the one who volunteered you for the outing, so he should have to deal with the awkwardness. Since Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t have any daughters, I do think it would be a nice trip for you two.. but if there’s no way to work it in the budget, it would be setting yourself up for disappointment. I really hope that you guys figure out a solution… keep us posted.
Post # 9
@MsFoxxy: When I wake him up for work I’ll ask him to call his mom and lay it all out for her. Hopefully this gets handled tomorrow, because I don’t want her going on for weeks thinking we’re going when we might not :/ Or worse, her calling me to talk about it! What would I do then, ‘Um hang on’ and hand the phone off to him? That would make me feel childish. I’ll post an update when he calls her, hopefully tomorrow after PT :]